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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Crushes' are rarely one sided

60 replies

Truedak · 19/06/2020 23:05

Inspired by a conversation with a friend, I think that when a woman is really attracted to a man, it's rarely one sided. I reckon most men would fancy a woman that seemed into them. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 19/06/2020 23:06

My teenager years do not concur...

Tryingtoslim · 19/06/2020 23:06

From personal experience and also from living with 3 men( not family) that’s not the case unfortunately

TomPettysTopHat · 19/06/2020 23:08

What MiddleClassProblem said!!!

CathyComesHome · 19/06/2020 23:11

I agree, and am just waiting for Tom Hiddleston to come to his senses.

TitianaTitsling · 19/06/2020 23:13

That is good news! Good to know 90s Leo Di Capprio also had a crush on me!

Pedalboat · 19/06/2020 23:13

Absolutely untrue in my experience.

SquashedSpring · 19/06/2020 23:14

If only this were true!

Pelleas · 19/06/2020 23:15

Totally untrue. Of course there might be mutual attraction, but having a crush on someone doesn't influence that. The most you could hope for from one-sided crushing (if that's the right word) is that if your crush is on someone not very scrupulous and you are passably attractive to him, he might take advantage of your feelings for a few shags.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 19/06/2020 23:18

Nah, they’re usually one-sided in my experience. I think it’s quite easy for someone to reciprocate a crush when they find out someone has one on them, but it doesn’t lead to a relationship unless the attraction is mutual from the start.

Truedak · 19/06/2020 23:29

I'm not necessarily thinking about long -term relationships starting, moreso that attraction is typically mutual whenever a woman flirting

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 19/06/2020 23:32

Genuinely flung myself at a few and been rebounded back 😂

And I was pretty decent at the time. Unfortunately, I was more of a muppet around a crush...

Samtsirch · 19/06/2020 23:32

‘ crushes ‘ are rarely one sided.
‘Unrequited love ‘ always is.

PumpkinP · 19/06/2020 23:35

I don’t think so, I have a huge crush on my sons teacher (he definitely doesn’t fancy me 😂 )

mrbob · 19/06/2020 23:39

Crushes have almost ALWAYS been totally one sided for me

Samtsirch · 19/06/2020 23:40

@PumpkinP
Bless you 😊
You’re probably not the only one though.

Browzingss · 19/06/2020 23:41

What if she isn’t the guy’s type or he has his eyes on someone else?

Sparklesocks · 19/06/2020 23:41

Disagree.
And not all women ‘flirt’ or show signs of their crush if they fear it won’t be reciprocated.

I do think a man might flirt back with someone who has a crush on him (and the same with the genders reversed) - but that doesn’t mean he reciprocates. Some people flirt just because it’s fun.

CrazyToast · 19/06/2020 23:41

I think that a man is less likely to want a woman with an obvious crush as they like to be the chaser, but a woman can be worn down/come around to the idea if a man is a persistant crusher. Culture, sexism etc.

And oh how I wish all the men I have ever crushed on, felt the the same haha.

Pelleas · 19/06/2020 23:42

moreso that attraction is typically mutual whenever a woman flirting

Nope. Not if you're plain/unattractive/hideous. Probably not always even if you are attractive.

Samtsirch · 19/06/2020 23:42

@Truedak
Reality check.

PumpkinP · 19/06/2020 23:43

He totally knows aswell Samtsirch I looked way too happy when he said he was going to be DS teacher for another year Blush

Samtsirch · 19/06/2020 23:44

@Pelleas
A bit harsh, but definitely getting the point across.

Samtsirch · 19/06/2020 23:46

@PumpkinP
😂
Just enjoy it then 👍🏼

Pelleas · 19/06/2020 23:48

A bit harsh, but definitely getting the point across.

Alas, I am talking from personal experience. Life is harsh if you're the wrong side of average.

TheHoneyBadger · 19/06/2020 23:49

yabu - the whole point of a crush is that it is a fruitless, you know it can't be and wouldn't really want it to be yet somehow you have this big soft spot.

Pot bellied dentist who had a nice smile, totally not my type, totally not proper attracted to him and clearly I wasn't his type either - crush.

The leader of the gurdwara I used to visit as part of an old job - barely spoke english, epic beard and clearly not into non sikh middle aged single mums but had this lovely glow about him - crush.

Kid to their teacher - crush.

The whole point of a 'crush' rather than just fancying someone is that it is impossible and ridiculous but irrationally you (one sidedly) crush on that person.