'Crushes' are rarely one sided

[Truedak]

Inspired by a conversation with a friend, I think that when a woman is really attracted to a man, it's rarely one sided. I reckon most men would fancy a woman that seemed into them. Am I wrong?

In fact the whole pleasure of a crush is knowing there's no risk of it being reciprocated or turning into anything. It's pure little bit of pleasure in my head - if it had a chance of being real it would go poof!

@Pelleas
Give yourself a break 😊

Actually thinking about it, if a crush was reciprocated then it wouldn’t be a crush anymore, surely it would simply progress into dating

Just being realistic . I'm middle-aged and married now, so the fact there are only about four men in the universe who've ever been attracted to me no longer bothers me. Very painful in my teens/twenties though.

This just made me remember 13 year old me. Tall and skinny with long red hair and freckles (like Anne of Green Gables) and the gorgeous American boy in our year.
I crushed on him horribly but we were only ever friends and he went back to America in year 9. I did cry. So yabu.

I wish

@recklessruby ahh when I was 13 I was short and a bit chubby, with boobs I was embarrassed of and generally a body I didn’t feel ready for. I was too scared to talk to boys and only watched from afar. Such an awkward, horrible age!

@sparklesocks I consoled myself with my other crush on Todd Carty aka Tucker Jenkins from Grange Hill

@recklessruby a simpler time! Yes my TV boyfriends were very nice to me in the imaginary world inside my head

Oh and the girl he fell for? Shorter than me by a good 4 inches with boobs and hips and luscious dark hair. I wanted to hate her but couldn't. She was really nice.

There was one boy years older than us that everyone in my year had a crush on. I really don't think he was crushing back on all of us. I don't think he even knew we existed.

MiddleClassProblem

yes !

I feel that if this were true, the entire history of humanity would have been different.

I'm not necessarily thinking about long -term relationships starting, moreso that attraction is typically mutual whenever a woman flirting

Men are likely to shag women who flirt with them. Doesn’t mean the crush is reciprocal.

Wishful thinking.

If you're a supermodel - perhaps so.

And of course, men will feign interest just for the shag.

But for the rest of us hoofers - no.
Loads of men I liked had no interest in me.

OP is this a real life situation you are in? A partner giving cause for concern perhaps?

If you don’t have the looks most men won’t even flirt back, they won’t even feign interest for a shag. Not in my experience.

I made decent friend material though, but none of those ever wanted anything more, except my XH who reminded me that although I wasn’t much to look at at least he loved me, and then when we split up told me I would probably end up with someone visually impaired because looks aren’t important then.

I think it’s fair to say I would never have entered on to the dating scene.

I do now have a partner, but I also know he’s far too nice to be *that honest.

Not from experience sadly.

It might develop but most crushes are about a fantasy of someone we make up what we don’t know

And many men (I would say most) would have sex with the person who had a crush on them without having any particular strong feelings towards them unless they found them repulsive I don’t think it’s the same for women

If you don’t have the looks most men won’t even flirt back, they won’t even feign interest for a shag.

That's correct. Many men see it as damaging to their own sense of worth even to be suspected of fancying someone unattractive. Hence the awful experience you can have, if you're unattractive, of walking past a group of men where they all compete to loudly insult and deride you - they are showing off their 'worth' to their friends as a demonstration of how much 'better' they could do.

That type of man would see your crush as insulting, if you're unattractive, because by entertaining it you'd be suggesting he might be desperate enough to lower himself to you.

Sad but true.

@Pelleas

A bit harsh, but definitely getting the point across.

Alas, I am talking from personal experience. Life is harsh if you're the wrong side of average.

^^this. Crushes are always one-sided when no-one fancies you, no matter how much you flirt.

Wishful thinking!

And of course, men will feign interest just for the shag

Is this what you mean, OP?