AIBU to expect 10yr old daughter to wash herself/hands & brush her hair?

[BelleBoyd]

My DD has never washed herself or washed her hair or brushed it without being absolutely forced to do it and then it’s done really half heartedly. She always has dirty hands and will ‘colour‘ them in pen or lipstick and then leave marks on her clothes/walls (by mistake). She often drops food on herself as well. It’s difficult as I don’t want to nag her but end up nagging anyway and not much changes. Should I expect her to do these things? Have I missed something I should be doing??

My 10 year old ds does all that. Though I check when he's done, and most days will have to send him back in to do it again.

you might find this thread helpful OP x
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/1243628-My-11yr-old-daughter-wont-wash
you might find dedicated bath/shower nights helpful? so mondays, wednesdays, fridays and sundays she needs to have a bath or shower, monday and friday she washes her hair during these. No tv/electronics until this has been done. Get her to brush her hair after she has come out of the shower, and then you could do it in 2 tight plaits so it won't have to be brushed the next day either if she sleeps with them in

That’s pretty much what I do. But just wondering if she should be wanting to be clean? She doesn’t brush her hair properly so I do it every few days as it’s very tangled by then but she gets really angry. I do plait it at night which helps a bit.
Shouldn’t she want to have clean hands? Worries me that she covers her fingers in felt tip-literally colours in entire fingers or palms or/and backs of hands...that’s most days..

I certainly went through a phase of being pretty grubby - probably around my pre-teen years. I think to some extent it is normal and can be a bit of a "push back" against growing up!

My parents enforced regular baths or showers, and I remember being told if I didn't shower/wash my hair/brush my teeth I wouldn't be allowed to go to the park/cinema/wherever - that certainly worked as motivation

From about 13 or 14 I certainly showered everyday and was very switched on when it comes to hygiene so there's no guarantee it will last forever!

Dd1 avoids the shower and we’re just really blunt with her now. Dd2&3 are 8 and happily announce they’re going for a shower and do a great job washing hair on their own. Dd 1 has never been a fan of getting her head wet. I find her baffling!

If she can't look after her long hair, cut it short!
My son is 9. He still gets food around his face when eating and has to be reminded to wash/shower but does it happily when reminded.

I know half of MN will berate me for this, but I had a rule no long hair unless

• either you brush / wash it yourself
• or let me do it without you complaining

I'd also suggest confiscating all felt tips, lipstick or whatever.

What are her general motor skills and coordination like?
Is she sensitive to taste / texture of food or clothing?

I don't think you're doing anything wrong, I just think a lot of DC this age still have no interest in their appearance or personal hygiene. My DD11 is similar. She doesn't care whether her hair is greasy or if she has strong body odour. She'd go all day without brushing her hair if left to it, and I dread to think how long she'd go without showering if she wasn't reminded. I'm hoping that she'll begin to take an interest as she gets a little older. In the meantime, like you, I try not to be too much of a nag (failing quite often unfortunately).

I found my year 6 dd was a nightmare for this. Now her year 6 sister is the same and I can't get dd1 out of the bathroom. There was a definite change bevies secondary school and since. You could fry chips in dd2s hair if left to her own devices