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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have just been sent an email by mistake,

233 replies

iwantitalltobenormal · 17/06/2020 13:56

AIBU to be massivley hurt and pissed off from the email I have just read which was sent to me by mistake?

at the begining of this year, I offered to do a monthly blog for our small team, so other departments are more aware of what we do internally - (manager thought it was a great idea ) baring in mind this was my first attempt at this , and by no means a mandatory task , I did it all on a power point presentation , I also do not claim to be a professional blog writer and I really enjoyed doing it, and putting it together, I sent it to my manager back in March, It took a little while due to also carrying out my day to day job.

fast forward to today ( baring in mind I had no response or feedback on my blog, whether it be positive criticism or any type of feedback) someone has unfortunately sent me a long email trail between my line manager to his line manager slating my work on the blog I had done and slating how unprofessional it the content is - but in a really distasteful way , and nasty.

I feel hurt, upset and belittled.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/06/2020 14:44

Who is the person who sent it to you? How did they have it op? If it’s between your manager and their manager?

What sort of wording was being used, because it’s hard to tell if you’re hurt or they were being nasty.

Either way I think you need to take it on the chin the blog is not impressing Them and needs to stop. I’d have a separate call with my manager, ask for feedback and if they wish it to continue. No feedback at all is a hint it’s not been received well.

Snowpatrolling · 17/06/2020 14:45

Op correct me if I’m wrong but it sounds like a colleague has sent an email to his manager and your manager slagging of your work, but managed to copy you in by mistake?
Or have these 3 people been emailing about it for longer and this wasn’t the first one?

babybythesea · 17/06/2020 14:45

Hedda
To put yet another perspective, if someone sends you something riddled with spelling mistakes, is it possible they are dyslexic?
DH is. He uses spell check but as he can’t always identify the correct spelling for words, if it gives him choices, it doesn’t always help. And the wrong word which happens to be spelt correctly doesn’t show on spell check anyway. About 10% of the population has it so it’s likely someone you have made comments about has it.
Most adults won’t disclose it because of shame, or fear that it will lead to people thinking they can’t do their job.

notsureofname · 17/06/2020 14:46

Totally understand that you are upset, but you have not done anything wrong, so hold your head up. However I would be so embarrassed and worried if I was the emailer (s) - but no less than they deserve.

FirstTimeMumDec2020 · 17/06/2020 14:46

If the comments they have made in the email about you and your work are unprofessional and not constructive I would make an official complaint.

I definitely would not let it lie.

babybythesea · 17/06/2020 14:46

Sorry, was a slight tangent but am doing a course on learning difficulties and comments like Hedda’s about being shocked by spelling etc are what lead dyslexics to feel they aren’t good enough.

whatcolourisyourwednesday · 17/06/2020 14:46

have had enough time to reflect now.

The only professional thing to do is nothing (except print it off as a wise person said above).

This is because, in the real world, none of this is going to reverse the balance of power between them (lots) and you (none).

If either manager feels bad, they will approach you.

AlternativePerspective · 17/06/2020 14:47

I highly doubt that this was sent to you by mistake. How could that happen? It’s one thing if you’re e.g. accidentally copied in on a reply to something which you initiated, a sender could inadvertently not delete your name from the email list, but to actively forward an email to someone requires deliberate action.

Who sent you the email?

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2020 14:47

Op correct me if I’m wrong but it sounds like a colleague has sent an email to his manager and your manager slagging of your work, but managed to copy you in by mistake

She says the email chain is between her manager and their manager, so it’s not clear how the third party has it, who they are, why they have it etc.

MuminMama · 17/06/2020 14:47

That's just awful. YANBU. Even if your blog was the direst thing ever that is not the way to deal with it. I'd do as someone else said and reply icily.

Eckhart · 17/06/2020 14:48

They're in no position to be criticising your lack of professionalism!

Did you get any feedback on the blog at the time, at all? The error here is that you've been copied in, not that they don't like your work. If this had gone just between them, and they'd decided to approach you to offer a blog-writing course to support you, for example, you might take it in a different light?

Also, there's a big difference between 'This blog's a bit pants' and 'What idiot wrote this pile of horse shit?!', so it's hard to know quite what to think.

Nonetheless, I'd respond professionally to your line manager to say you'd like a meeting.

KatySun · 17/06/2020 14:48

That is a shame, no wonder you feel bad.

Your manager should have got back in touch with advice on the format and content if it was not what she/he wanted, and certainly not been negative about you behind your back.

Do you work for a company big enough to have a complaints procedure for staff?

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2020 14:49

It can be sent by mistake easily if the last email in the chain is fine, and the chain below that wasn’t read by the sender. I’ve seen it done myself, where the person who forwarded it, only read the last email on it, and not further down.

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2020 14:51

The manager is in a position to criticise the ops lack of professionalism as he or she is perfectly entitled to comment to their manager. They can discuss performance issues.

The op can’t complain about that, the error here is an unknown third person has sent it to her.

Flyinggeese · 17/06/2020 14:53

OP maybe reply along thelines of 'thanks for making me aware - shall we schedule some time to discuss your feedback? I'll put 15 mins in the diary'. Then book a meeting to discuss. It's a bluff but could work.

As an aside why was the blog in PowerPoint? Surely that's not a blog. I'm just curious.

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2020 14:55

'thanks for making me aware - shall we schedule some time to discuss your feedback? I'll put 15 mins in the diary

I think op you need to clarify as folks are getting confused.

The manager never sent it to her, someone else did

ktp100 · 17/06/2020 14:56

I would confront them and if they are dicks about it I'd send it above their heads and put in a complaint to HR.

NoProblem123 · 17/06/2020 14:56

Do a really cutting and sarcastic reply.

Then bin it and do a nice one.

You volunteered to do a nice thing. They sound crappy. Don’t be like them CakeWine

UnfinishedSymphon · 17/06/2020 14:57

@Jingstohang

Just to backtrack, why did you use PowerPoint for a blog?
Why does that matter??
Jkslays · 17/06/2020 14:58

@RUOKHon

YANBU! That’s awful. How horrid.

I think you have two options.

You could acknowledge it and say something like - ‘I received this by mistake. It sounds like we should probably have a chat about the concept for the blog. Maybe we could agree a framework for each post so that it meets everyone’s expectations?’

Something like that.

Or you could pretend you haven’t seen it and innocently email him asking for feedback. He might look favourably on you if you give him the opportunity for you to both pretend it never happened.

This.
Original poster
iwantitalltobenormal · 17/06/2020 14:59

So it was an email trail between my line manager and my line managers manager , the trail was sent to my colleague asking him to continue with the next blog ( this colleague didn’t read all the way to the bottom seeing the trail between my line manager and line managers manager slating my work ) and has sent whole thing to me by mistake .

Blog on a power point As managers wanted it on power point to present at a later date.

OP posts:
cabbageking · 17/06/2020 15:04

They can discuss your work but if it was not professional they should have acted after the first blog and given guidance.

I do wonder which unprofessional trouble maker would forward this to you.

Clearly there are faulty processes in place for this to happen.

Send it back, with received in error. Let them decide what they want to do.

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2020 15:04

Ok I can see how that would happen as said I’ve seen similar myself.

It looks like they’ve asked your colleague to take it over from you. There has been an error in it being forwarded, which you can address, with those who forwarded it, seems a genuine error though.

Your manager and their manager are able to discuss your performance. They have elected to remove the task from you as they deem what you’ve created unacceptable, and have asked your colleague to take it over.

It’s up to you if you wish to complain about privacy on their views of your performance but it does seem it was an error.

newnamewhuuu · 17/06/2020 15:05

Ah that's awful. I'd respond to the colleague that forwarded by mistake and suggest they in future read through the full mail prior to sending on.
Then set up a separate discussion with your manager to discuss their feedback.

wentawaycameback · 17/06/2020 15:06

You might not want to share but you said the remarks were 'nasty' and 'distasteful' - strong words for a power-point critique. It is difficult to offer anything helpful if we don't know a bit more about the content. For example if it was a comment about spelling, grammar etc would that be nasty? or is it the way it was written- do you feel they were having a laugh at your expense?