I have just been sent an email by mistake,

[iwantitalltobenormal]

AIBU to be massivley hurt and pissed off from the email I have just read which was sent to me by mistake?

at the begining of this year, I offered to do a monthly blog for our small team, so other departments are more aware of what we do internally - (manager thought it was a great idea ) baring in mind this was my first attempt at this , and by no means a mandatory task , I did it all on a power point presentation , I also do not claim to be a professional blog writer and I really enjoyed doing it, and putting it together, I sent it to my manager back in March, It took a little while due to also carrying out my day to day job.

fast forward to today ( baring in mind I had no response or feedback on my blog, whether it be positive criticism or any type of feedback) someone has unfortunately sent me a long email trail between my line manager to his line manager slating my work on the blog I had done and slating how unprofessional it the content is - but in a really distasteful way , and nasty.

I feel hurt, upset and belittled.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

This happened to me once too.
I had been working in a school before resigning. About 6 months after I quit, I was still upset by how I was treated by my line-manager. The role I was in had never had anyone stay in it for longer than a year because the line manger was so awful. I decided the school should know about her behaviour because it’s a fantastic school and the rest of the staff were amazing so they deserve to have long standing staff members. In addition, some of her actions went beyond work-place bullying and more into the realm of policy breaches.
I composed a really polite email. It was concise. It listed a few specific examples of her behaviour with witnesses named. One was that she admonished me for reporting a safeguarding issue to the safeguarding officer without asking her permission. This is a huge breach of school safeguarding policy.
Anyway, long story short, I received a reply the next day from the head which was supposed to go to his secretary saying
“What are we doing with this? A standard “thanks for the info email” and then delete?”
He then followed up with a grovelling email asking to speak to me on the phone. I didn’t bother. I already knew what he thought of my complaints.
I felt sick when I got it. I felt sick for about a week after.
I got over it though. You will get over it too. People can be shit xx

[Ladybyrd]

I would have done a "reply to all" and asked if I was meant to see this.

I don't see much to be gained from involving ACAS, HR, the unions, God and the pope in a grievance against your manager though. Unless you want to take out formal proceedings, you're not realistically going to gain very much, except antagonising your boss. And your boss's boss.

Yes, you could probably take them to a tribunal and possibly squeeze a few quid out of them, but proceedings are prohibitively expensive and was what they said really so incriminating, or was it hurtful because you were proud of the job you did?

I would be re-evaluating my place within the company. I think that would be enough for me to want to leave. Bitching and sniggering behind workers' backs, if that's what it was, has all the hallmarks of a pretty toxic workplace.

[CharityDingle]

@Ladybyrd

I would have done a "reply to all" and asked if I was meant to see this.

I don't see much to be gained from involving ACAS, HR, the unions, God and the pope in a grievance against your manager though. Unless you want to take out formal proceedings, you're not realistically going to gain very much, except antagonising your boss. And your boss's boss.

Yes, you could probably take them to a tribunal and possibly squeeze a few quid out of them, but proceedings are prohibitively expensive and was what they said really so incriminating, or was it hurtful because you were proud of the job you did?

I would be re-evaluating my place within the company. I think that would be enough for me to want to leave. Bitching and sniggering behind workers' backs, if that's what it was, has all the hallmarks of a pretty toxic workplace.

I agree, especially about reevaluating the workplace. I advised upthread that the OP should say nothing today while she felt upset, let them realise that she had seen the email, vent it all out of her system safely, at home, and then write a cool, detached email to her line manager.

I actually wonder, as pp have, what is the colleague's motivation in all of this.

[iwantitalltobenormal]

Thank you for the advice it’s been really helpful , I don’t want to put anymore details of the message on here , but I am going to respond today and reply to all, with a professional response stating that I would like to discuss what I’ve read . I don’t want to work there anymore !

[Ladybyrd]

Sorry this happened to you, OP. FWIW, management sounds spineless (if they didn't want to use the post, they should have had the courtesy/balls to communicate that to you in the first instance), and your colleague sounds conniving (as if you would forward that on). I wouldn't want to work there either.

As you say though, I'd rise above it, and I wouldn't do anything rash unless it suited me to. Put yourself first.

[BurtsBeesKnees]

don’t want to work there anymore !

Handled correctly by your manager this could have been a really good learning opportunity for you, instead it's demotivated you to the extent you've said the above. Shit management is what makes people leave good jobs.

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

Will you come back and let us know how you get on?

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

I don't blame you for not wanting to work there any more, in fact I'm very glad you have come to that decision.

All I hope is that you are able to wheedle a glowing reference from them before you walk away with your middle fingers held high.

Don't forget though, employers aren't allowed to give you a 'bad' reference. So don't focus too much on that.

Please know that there are employers out there that value people's drive to add to the company they work for, even if their ideas aren't always great, because they see that this person cares about their job and the company they work for and that is worth its weight in gold. Don't lose that spark.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

And also yes, please, do come back and let us know what their response to your reply is. They will be squirming when they see it.

[SeagoingSexpot]

Don't forget though, employers aren't allowed to give you a 'bad reference'.

I wish people wouldn't repeat this kind of thing. Employers are absolutely allowed to give you a "bad reference" in law, so long as it is factually based and they can justify it. Many employers in the UK, to avoid legal scuffles which can be expensive and time-consuming even if won, have a policy of only confirming dates of employment and if you left voluntarily and/or are eligible for rehire as a reference. But word also gets around informally, especially in small and well-networked fields, so it pays not to burn your bridges unnecessarily. And it's entirely legal for an employer to give the reference that you were terminated for poor performance or attendance etc, so long as that is true.

[amusedbush]

Don't forget though, employers aren't allowed to give you a 'bad reference'.

Tell that to the promotion I lost out on last year when my ex boss wrote a shite reference telling the interview panel that I hadn’t done any of the things I said I did, and they couldn’t support my application. It was all lies, the job offer was withdrawn and the Union told me there was nothing I could do because it wasn’t systematic bullying and references are ‘very subjective’.

[RUOKHon]

Handled correctly by your manager this could have been a really good learning opportunity for you, instead it's demotivated you to the extent you've said the above. Shit management is what makes people leave good jobs

Yes exactly. So much for sticking your head above the parapet! What a shame your enthusiasm has been extinguished by such cruel and careless behaviour by your managers. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this OP.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

I don't consider saying the reason you were terminated to fall under a 'bad reference'.

But to be clear, here's my source for the guidance I gave.

www.gov.uk/work-reference

I believe that, based solely on what OP has said, there is no reason she should expect a bad reference, so long as she has done her job to the best of her ability.

To be honest, it frustrates me when people believe that you should tiptoe around poor treatment at work because you might get a bad reference and never be able to work in your field again.

This has caused me anxiety in the past and many other people I know. I don't know what was in the email OP saw. But if it was inappropriately bad, I'd really rather she understands that the company can't legally slag her off for no reason if she decided to leave because of it.

[Ladybyrd]

What is to be gained by an employer giving a bad reference? It just looks unprofessional on their part. All they're doing is leaving themselves open to a claim. I've seen terrible employees get glowing references, purely because their ex employer wanted shot of them ASAP and was quite happy to sell them on to the competition.

Plus OP hasn't done anything wrong bar try too hard perhaps. I'd be more concerned if I were the colleague who forwarded the email. If anyone is going to be in the dog house, it's them.

[TiddlestheCat]

Hope that you are feeling ok. Have the feckers emailed you back yet?
An apology is insufficient. They have really knocked your confidence and undermined you to other colleagues. However, remember that they have also undermined your confidence in them as managers. Your work may have required improvement. Their managerial skills (which form part of their job description) clearly require improvement! If you were to leave as a result of this, in many ways they would have failed you and the company. They provided unconstructive feedback to you in a highly unprofessional way. You can express constructive feedback to them in terms of how this incident has made you feel (knocked your confidence, humiliated/embarrassed you re your colleagues) and how you would prefer things to be handled in future. What they have done is far more unprofessional than anything that you have done!

[Z0rr0]

I don’t want to work there anymore !
And how could you, feasibly, knowing this is what your manager thinks about you and your work?
Exactly why I said it could constitute constructive dismissal.
You hold all the cards. Don't let them weazle out of their massively unprofessional behaviour.

[ChicCroissant]

Don't forget though, employers aren't allowed to give you a 'bad' reference. So don't focus too much on that.

This is simply not true. So don't focus on it at all!

[AnnaBanana333]

Don't forget though, employers aren't allowed to give you a 'bad' reference.

Yes, they are. As long as they can back up what they say.

[LannieDuck]

I'm sorry that happened, OP. I'm sure they'll be mortified when they realise. Not that it excuses their comments.

[Flyinggeese]

Hi OP, a professional response stating that I would like to discuss what I’ve read - this sounds spot on.

Don't make any rash decisions, see what they have to say. Good luck.

[ChikiTIKI]

What did you say in the end?

[MrsPerfect12]

Wishing you the best of luck.

[Firstawake]

[thepeopleversuswork]

ToddlerBumpBorderCollie has nailed it.

[BusyProcrastinator]

Feedback says more about the person giving it than receiving it.

I’d email them and politely say you’d like direct and constructive feedback on tasks where possible.