Taking my wife's name

[Caoilainn]

Not a ATAT but interested as I saw a similar thread and I have a slightly different situation and wondered what people thought about it.

My partner and I will be marrying later this year. She has her ex-husbands surname, as do her children. I'm not attached to mine and have no children.

We were thinking that if I take their surname then it's easier in general. She is attached to hers and I'm not to mine.

I would like to have the same name as my wife, she would like to have the same name as her children.

There are things like passport control etc that are easier if we all have the same but that's a bit incidental.

I think her ex will possibly have an issue with this but don't actually know.

Thoughts?

I think the OP having a Woman's name is a bit of a hint they are female.

I find it somewhat ridiculous. I feel the same way about almost all name changing/taking on a different (sur)name. Unless off course you share a name with a dictator, leads to ridicule … I also don’t buy into the concept of a ‘family name’. Having the same name as your stepchildren won’t magically transform you into a ‘family’.

@ohoneohtwo

I think the OP having a Woman's name is a bit of a hint they are female.

Do you think that's their actual name? What are the chances?

Personally i think people should keep their own name when they marry. I have been doing a lot of research in old family trees recently and it's so bloody fraustrating when people 'disappear' because they got married. And when i say people i mean women. Whether you are male or female you should keep your name imo.

Do you think that's their actual name? What are the chances?

No, I don't. I just think using a female user name is more likely to indicate the OP is female. Of course they might not be, but their is a higher chance they are.

I wouldn't worry what the ex might think. If your wife-to-be wants to have the same name as her children and you want to have the same name as your wife, then you changing your name to hers is the best solution. Where the ex would be entitled to get involved is if you wanted his children to change their name to yours, which is obviously not what is happening here.

There

I know someone who did this and given his job, there was a lot of sniggering behind his back. So be prepared.

@LolaDarkdestroyer

I'm assuming a man posted this if it was a woman then a bit different....but if a an ad you have kids with her they will take another mans name?!

I'm not a man! We aren't planning to have children. If we did then they would surely have my wife's surname rather than her ex husbands?

@My0My

I know someone who did this and given his job, there was a lot of sniggering behind his back. So be prepared.

He works alone. I hope people wouldn't snigger anyway though. Families are made up in all sorts of ways. I figure we can only do what we can to make ours work for us.

If you were the other woman in their break -up, it would be extremely crass, or if you were going to use this to "airbrush" your wife-to-be's former marriage out of the picture. (I've come across both scenarios, but only once each.). Otherwise you would not be unreasonable. If the children have strong views either way, it might be good to at least listen to them too. Unless they are over 18, they don't have the option of changing theirs. I believe.

@julybaby32

If you were the other woman in their break -up, it would be extremely crass, or if you were going to use this to "airbrush" your wife-to-be's former marriage out of the picture. (I've come across both scenarios, but only once each.). Otherwise you would not be unreasonable. If the children have strong views either way, it might be good to at least listen to them too. Unless they are over 18, they don't have the option of changing theirs. I believe.

I wasn't the other woman, we were friends for years and then more than that over a year after the divorce. I'm not sure he believes that but there isn't anything I can do to change that unfortunately. He left after an affair and still lives with the lady he left for. It's now years later and I'm hoping all water under the bridge. We are all in relationships, his longer than ours. He does have issues with us and frequently makes homophobic remarks to the kids about us. We don't tend to comment back and just try to keep the peace. The kids have two parents, it would be lovely if they could have 4 parents that all get along. Hopefully with time that will happen, if not then we can only do what we can.

Well under those circumstances you most definitely are not being unreasonable! The ex H really doesn't have a leg to stand on in that case. He can always take affair-person's surname if he wants to have a different name. Thank you for taking the trouble to reply.

Well since the ex-hisband gave it away it is now for the wife to do with it as she please.

Men wanting to piss in their territory with their surname. There you go now.

Take it and make it yours.

Interesting that pp think it makes any difference that the OP is a woman

...because that reassures them one man won't be made to feel inferior by "taking the name of another man" ?

It doesn't change the fact that the name has belonged to the OP's partner ever since she chose to take it

On many threads, people claim that taking the husband's name is just for convenience and doesn't matter,
so why do we silly feminists make such a fuss ....