Taking my wife's name

[Caoilainn]

Not a ATAT but interested as I saw a similar thread and I have a slightly different situation and wondered what people thought about it.

My partner and I will be marrying later this year. She has her ex-husbands surname, as do her children. I'm not attached to mine and have no children.

We were thinking that if I take their surname then it's easier in general. She is attached to hers and I'm not to mine.

I would like to have the same name as my wife, she would like to have the same name as her children.

There are things like passport control etc that are easier if we all have the same but that's a bit incidental.

I think her ex will possibly have an issue with this but don't actually know.

Thoughts?

Good idea if it works for you. Very modern.

I have met a man who has changed name whe he got married. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that tbh. Yes it's unsual but so what?

You're thinking about taking her ex-husband's name? That's weird.

Unless the Ex's surname is Kdslvjvififd-Gdkcjn then it's highly unlikely that he is the only person walking this planet with that last name!

Great idea OP, go for it. When my parents split up and my dad remarried, his new wife took his surname. So my mum, dad, and stepmum all had the same surname. I think it's pretty common. The only difference here is that it's 2 men and 1 woman rather than 2 women and 1 man. Claiming that the name belongs to the ex and that you'd be taking his name is both sexist and ignorant. Like when people say that a woman who keeps her own name on marriage still just has her fathers name really. The idea that men always own their names while women only ever borrow them from men is insidious sexism and not worth giving the time of day. Take your wife's name OP, and hopfully anyone who tells you it's "weird" will catch up to the modern world sooner rather than later

Good for you OP, excellent solution.

Unless the Ex's surname is Kdslvjvififd-Gdkcjn then it's highly unlikely that he is the only person walking this planet with that last name!

Of the Westphalia Kdslvjvififd-Gdkcjns? Lovely people.

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings you are sooooo right. It drives me insane when people say my name is just my fathers. I don't understand why my husband was granted a name that is his according to MN but mine is simply my fathers? Nobody says you're taking your father in laws name? That's weird? Because the assumption is as a grown adult my husband owns his own name.

Great idea, completely makes sense for you to all share a family name.

Unusual but it makes sense and you seem to have thought it through.

It’s her name. You can take it if you want to.

The ex may well kick up a fuss, but if you and DP are happy then his opinion is irrelevant. It may have been his name first but he can’t control what anyone else chooses to call themselves.

Why not! You can do whatever works for you both.

Sorry but that is weird! Why would you want another mans surname surely it's a bit degrading

Sorry but that is weird! Why would you want another mans surname surely it's a bit degrading

Presumably you have a surname? Given your 'it's a mans' attitude I can only assume you feel permanently degraded due to having it, after all; it's another mans

Sounds okay to me. X

Sounds like a good plan!

Sorry but that is weird! Why would you want another mans surname surely it's a bit degrading

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.

I think it’s lovely. And a really nice way to show her children you will be part of their “team”.

If she'd kept her maiden name it'd be less weird than her retaining her former married name and you adopting it as well.

Sounds like a good and practical idea really. And it's nothing at all to do with the ex. Will he even know if you don't tell him?

Do whatever makes sense for you, OP.

To those saying it's weird...

Well it was the exes name, but it is also legally the op's partners name, so nothing "weird" about it.

For lots of official purposes, name changes can cause problems. On the practical side, l suggest you explore options with passport office. My sister, like many women, is married but has retained her maiden name. Her passport is officially noted “The holder is the wife of ...”

You may wish to consider if something is possible which details both names.

Women who change their names are not just borrowing the name from a man. It becomes their name to keep if they wish and to share with a new spouse if they wish.

Personally I hate the tradition of changing names and flipping the sexes doesn't really make it better (though it does reduce the sexism inherent in it) and I wish women wouldn't do it but they do, and when they take a new name it is their name not their husband's name.

OP go for it. I know someone who gave her child with new husband her surname to match other children and it happened to be her ex husband's name too. A few people raised their eyebrows but they were soon put right.

@LolaDarkdestroyer

Sorry but that is weird! Why would you want another mans surname surely it's a bit degrading

But it's not degrading for women to change their names to a man's name? Right

Yy, @CodenameVillanelle, and women changing their names on marriage (reactionary and patriarchal though it is) isn’t greeted with tooth-sucking and talk about all the ‘official problems‘ it causes.

@FlurryKnox

Yy, *@CodenameVillanelle*, and women changing their names on marriage (reactionary and patriarchal though it is) isn’t greeted with tooth-sucking and talk about all the ‘official problems‘ it causes.

It's degrading for men if their wives don't take their names and degrading to take their wife's name and especially degrading to take another man's name! But women don't even have their own names! They have their father's name according to the tedious wankers who present this as if it's a gotcha in every changing name discussion...

It's interesting language isn't it? To degrade literally means to reduce something. Men are reduced by losing their name, or by women refusing to be reduced. Women must be reduced in marriage - this is the normal way. I wish people would think for a minute about what this stuff signifies.