To think some men just can’t handle family life

[Dylaninthemovies1]

Over the past few years I’ve noticed quite a few friends and aquaintainces with young children split up with their husband/partner.

In nearly all scenarios the woman is literally left holding the baby. The man will only see the child(ren) when it suits them (once a week), keep changing the day they take the child, expect the mother to do all the parenting, avoid paying maintenance and try their best to make the mother’s life difficult.

I’ve noticed all the men seemed to have been very crap at being a dad even when they were with the mum; she’s left doing most of the childcare and housework even when working outside of the home too.

Am not saying all men are the same. But it just seems that so many men can’t handle family life

[Woodmarsh]

I am 38 child free and have never wanted them. What is it that makes women want to have children? I have always had a reasonable life in that I've always worked for an average salary in a job I didn't hate and afforded hobbies, meal out a couple of times a month and a bottle of nice wine at the weekend.

I can't imagine wanting to give that up to look after a child and potentially struggle financially, maybe I'm just broken

[Catastrofuck]

“ I wonder how many of those men truly wanted kids in the first place?”

This question keeps coming up. Of course the men (for the most part) want children. It’s part of the “successful man” image and package that society tells men is their due. They want the children but many don’t want to do the actual work of raising them, and society tells them they don’t have to do it. Women tend to be aware that it takes effort, and know that the expectation is on them to deliver it. So the question “how many men really want children?” should really be asking “how many men really want to put in the effort required to raise children?” - because that is what women tend to understand intrinsically about the question of having children

[Catastrofuck]

The thing is that for a lot of men, having children is about how it reflects on them and benefits them. The children just need to exist.

[Woodmarsh]

@Catastrofuck agreed maybe the question should be how many men understood and wanted to be involved with the reality of children

[VeniceQueen2004]

The people questioning why have more than one child with a less than ideal dad... i get you but think about it. You made one bad choice. You want to have more children. But you already have one child, with a father. So if you want another, your options are

(a) use a sperm donor and deal with the unfairness of one of your children having a relationship (of whatever quality) with their father and one not

(b) hook up with another man, meaning your first child will be exposed to the danger of a stepfather and feel like an offshoot in their family home

Of course the hardnosed will say "well then option c is settle with one child, you made your bed so you lie in it". And they may well be right. But it's a very heavy punishment that for making one mistake you have to sacrifice they children you could have had, the siblings your child could have had.

I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it's one of several less than perfect choices one can make if you still want more children and aren't saintly enough to stop at one forever because the man you chose for number one turns out to be less than brilliant at the job.

[VeniceQueen2004]

@woodmarsh you're not broken, it's a perfectly reasonable choice! But you must be aware so many people who have had children find it to be the most rewarding aspect of their life. Nor does having children preclude a decent job, hobbies, meals out or nice wine. Not for long, anyway.

[FurbabyLife]

@Woodmarsh I am 38 child free and have never wanted them. What is it that makes women want to have children? I have always had a reasonable life in that I've always worked for an average salary in a job I didn't hate and afforded hobbies, meal out a couple of times a month and a bottle of nice wine at the weekend. I can't imagine wanting to give that up to look after a child and potentially struggle financially, maybe I'm just broken

Preach!! 😂 I wouldn’t give my childfree life up for anything in the world. It’s absolute bliss being able to live life on your own terms. Life is hard enough without throwing kids into the mix.