Ex keeping my last name

[AvocadoYUK]

So I change my last name a while before I got married as it was was my work name/brand for many years but it became so bedded within me that it became ..me!
My ex didn't like his last name so he took mine when we got married. He broke up with me a year ago and we have 1DC .
He informed me that he's not changing his name because it's difficult to change too.
Is incredibly the stink last name and I spent many years working as that and becoming that.
AIBU to be upset about this??
I know if it was the other way around I wouldn't want my name to be associated with an ex ...

The name is now his and he can keep it If he chooses to. The sooner you accept this, the better, because there's nothing you 'M do about it.

*you can do about it

YABU. Maybe he wants to have the same last name as his DC. I have kept my ex husband's name for that reason.

This happens the other way around all the time. Women often keep their eyes name on divorce because they want to share their surname with their children or because they've been married for ages and feel like their married name is their name.

You have no right to dictate what your ex calls himself and if you make a fuss you'll come across as controlling.

My DM kept her married name after divorce. It is a ball ache to change especially if you have DC so I can see why.

If you 'give' someone your name in marriage you can't just snatch it back when the marriage ends! It's theirs too!

ex's name, not eyes!

It's a name. You don't own it. If I leave my H, I will keep the name I have used since we married. He isn't lending it to me, it doesn't belong to him, when I took it, it became my name, I would think him an utter idiot if he demanded that ending our relationship meant changing my name.

I can see your PoV especially if your name isn't hugely common, but I do think YABU, sorry.

I kept my ExH name as we had children together. Eventually I had my married name for more years than my maiden name and it is ‘me’.
If I were young and marrying for the first time I wouldn’t change my name.
However, when I remarried I kept my ExH name as its ‘me’.
Nobody is bothered by this except perhaps my youngest adult DS.

If DH and I were to divorce I'd be keeping his last name too 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's the same as my kids and its just as much a part of me now. So yes YABU

He said not keeping your last name. He’s keeping his own last name. It’s his name.

I still use my married name because I’ve built my business on it. I CBA explaining why I’d changed it back.
My kids have my maiden name so I use that sometimes for school stuff. It’s only a name. I’d be pissed off if XH said I couldn’t keep it though

It’s his last name now. He’s not keeping your last name, he’s just not changing his own.

Don’t be ridiculous. If DH and I (let’s hope not!) divorce, I’ll be keeping my name as it is. It became as much my name as his on marriage, it’s not temporary, unless I wanted it to be.

Sorry you don't own the name. I can see how you feel that you worked for/ earned it but really anyone could have had that name by just executing a deed.

My husband's ex wife kept "his" name because she liked it better than her original surname (no children). He was a bit narked but couldn't really object. Amusingly she then remarried but kept her first married name - no idea what her second husband thought of that! Then he married me and I didn't take his name. I think it's really funny that he has an ex wife who shares his name and a current wife who doesn't.

Not really the point but it's refreshing to hear of a bloke taking his wife's name on marriage!

We weren't married long at all (less than 2 years ) . I'm not going to tell him not to keep it or anything ... I was just wondering if my feelings about it were natural....

YABU because it's not just your name. It's actually his own name too.

He's not keeping your surname. He's keeping his own surname.

If you really don't like it then you could change your surname to something else. Problem solved.

It isn't 'your' name that he has though. It is now his name - he changed his name.

It isn't a badge that belongs to you and you let him wear it for a while.

And he probably wants to keep the same name as his Dc. Which is especially important as men come under more suspicion than women travelling with a child with a different name.

I can imagine it feels a bit weird, but that doesn't mean he has any obligation to change his name back.

Are you Joe Exotic?

You’ve made up a sort of stage name so it’s no more yours than it is his anyway!

Yabu. I remember my dad trying to do this to my mum when they divorced when I was little; she didn't want to change it because she'd built her career on that married name. He's controlling, manipulating, awful. More recently he kicked up a stink when he found out I go by a nickname (I don't really like my full first name) because "I gave you your name, you should have asked me before changing it". Wtf?! He doesn't own my name! I can call myself whatever I want! We are NC now, thank goodness.
I'm not saying you are controlling like my monster-dad, I'm sure you just haven't thought it through yet. You can't tell another person what they can call themselves, regardless of their relationship to you.

It's his name, it doesn't belong to you. I'd want the same name as my kids too.

The name doesn't belong to you.

Even if you have an unique lastname like I do, you are bound to have many people including relations you don't know with the same name.

If I was ever to divorce my DH, there is no way he would be having his surname back 😀

Your name is not your brand 🙄

It’s his name now, especially if the name is used by a shared child. He shouldn’t feel any pressure to change it.