Ex keeping my last name

[AvocadoYUK]

So I change my last name a while before I got married as it was was my work name/brand for many years but it became so bedded within me that it became ..me!
My ex didn't like his last name so he took mine when we got married. He broke up with me a year ago and we have 1DC .
He informed me that he's not changing his name because it's difficult to change too.
Is incredibly the stink last name and I spent many years working as that and becoming that.
AIBU to be upset about this??
I know if it was the other way around I wouldn't want my name to be associated with an ex ...

Doesn't he just want to keep the same surname as his child?
Don't you?

Is this a wind-up? It's a good one

When I got married I took my husband’s name. It never felt right. I changed it back by deed poll. It was about £80. No bother at all. We’re still married. I just didn’t feel myself with his name

My aunt and uncle were divorced for 16 years before he died and my aunt kept his name as it was now her name and her children's name.
Don't think my uncle cared much either way.

I must be in the minority as I changed my name back to my maiden name soon after our divorce - no kids though.

I can appreciate why you feel that way, especially if you feel he's a hypocrite, and you can be as angry and frustrated as you like but unfortunately he's not in the wrong, and he's allowed change his mind.

I kept mine because its dcs last name just made things easier. My ex wasn't happy but he didn't want me to change dcs names.

If dh and I were to divorce, he is aware that I would be keeping our surname. It's a lot easier when you have dc, but also changing it back would be such a faff that I can't be bothered with.
It's just a name.

Hey everyone. I've listened to everyone , I know I would never ask him to change it. I think I was just looking for some assurance that it was okay for me to feel upset. I know thata ridiculous but everyone has been very honest and given me a little "shut up girl " teehehe

My mum and dad divorced while she was pregnant with me. He didn’t have anything to do with me after I was a few months old but I had his surname so my mum kept it too. I’m now married and couldn’t wait to get rid of his name but my mum still has it, she did hate her maiden name though.

I don't know what prompts people to change their names on marriage anyway. I'ts one of the west's sillier customs and it makes zero sense to me. As PPs have pointed out, family names belong to each individual. They're not on loan from anyone.

Choosing to commit to one partner for life is a huge thing on its own. It's enough.

YABU. He chose to take your name, he had it legally changed, it is now his name. I know plenty of women (my own mother included) who didn’t change their names on their divorce because they'd had their married name longer than their maiden name. It's his name now and he is happy with it. You can be unhappy about it, but you can't do anything to change it.

I'm not changing my name, it's a faff. I don't see why you think you can make him change it

It honestly doesn't matter how you feel about it; he can call himself what he likes. If he starts to trade under your name, that's another matter and you could act to stop him, but as long as he's consistent, he can call himself Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsor if he wants to. And he can give 'your' name to any children he has with other people, too. My ex SiL did just that and my MiL was sure it was illegal and must be stopped but of course there was nothing she could do, so she had to get over it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You can't have it both ways.

He changed his name, therefore it is his name to do what he likes with it.

You are allowed to feel what you feel. It's part of how you feel about him now, and your name is a connection you'd rather was severed. But unreasonable too, in the sense that once you put some rational thought into it, it's his name now and he can do as he likes. I kept my ex's surname because I didn't want a different name to my kids. That's not unreasonable.

I give you the late lamented John Martyn, musician, he of 'Solid Air' and 'May You Never' as an example of a person who took his spouse's last name because he liked it, kept it after divorce and took it to fame!

Much easier for him to travel with your dc if he has the same name. Would you be willing to change your dc name for his old surname? If the answer is no then it's fair enough he keeps it.