Ex keeping my last name

[AvocadoYUK]

So I change my last name a while before I got married as it was was my work name/brand for many years but it became so bedded within me that it became ..me!
My ex didn't like his last name so he took mine when we got married. He broke up with me a year ago and we have 1DC .
He informed me that he's not changing his name because it's difficult to change too.
Is incredibly the stink last name and I spent many years working as that and becoming that.
AIBU to be upset about this??
I know if it was the other way around I wouldn't want my name to be associated with an ex ...

My mum has kept her first married surname after divorce and a second marriage. It's her name.

I wouldn't change my name if I got divorced. It's mine now and I want the same name as my children.

YABU. It's his name and crucially it's also the name of his child. I don't blame him for wanting to have the same name as his own kid.

I have been married 7 years and I have 2 (soon to be 3) children with my husband. If something were to happen between me and my husband (I hope not!) I would still keep my surname. Its mine and my husband didn't lend it to me, it was given.

I kept my ex's surname as it's my surname now.

there are thousands of people with your name i used to work with someone the exact same name as me i know of three personally in my town one i worked with one i went to school with when i got married his aunt had the same first name and last name as me

I can see why you are annoyed bug there isn't much you can do about it. I can't see why anybody would want to keep their ex's name.

I kept my married name and I been divorced 13 yrs.

YABU.

You recognised how important your name was to you when you went to the trouble of changing it to something you really wanted to be called.

He did the same when he changed his name on marriage. If he wants to keep the name now, that's up to him and completely understandable.

I agree it’s his name as much as yours. Anyone can have or keep any surname, and as such it becomes theirs.

YABVVU and selfish. It’s not just your last name, it’s his too.

You don’t own it, and once he took it on it became his name. Why should he change it?

YABU, so much so I wonder if it’s a reverse

Millions of women keep their “ex husbands name” after divorce because it’s THEIR NAME and probably their kids names.

It has been his name for some time and it is usual for people to stick with a name that they have gotten used to, esp if they have DC

I’m divorced and kept my married name, it’s the same as my daughters. Can’t see the big issue and ex never asked.

YABU

I have never married but my mums still got her ex husbands surname (my step dad / half siblings dad). Don't think she is planning to ever use her maiden name again.

It’s complicated: I kept my exH’s name as I was known professionally by it (nearly 30 years ago). I shouldn’t have changed from my maiden name and would always now support that position but I was desperate to get away from my parents and childhood. I married DH 22 years ago but kept ExH’s name as by then it was my name. DS has DH’s surname.

So I think YABU but I do see where you’re coming from. ExH is still in touch with me and doesn’t seem to care what name I use

It's his name now, if DH and I separated I wouldn't change mine.

Most women that take a man's name and then get divorced don't change their name back. So no different.

It doesn’t affect you though? So it doesn’t matter. I think (kindly) you’re letting your feelings about him cloud your judgement.

I feel for you but unfortunately YABU. It is as much his name now as it is yours. And there are hopefully lots of potential reasons for this rather than it just being an intentional painful reminder e.g. Same name as children, inconvenience

Ive already told my husband that if we ever divorced I keep his last name, as it’s the same as the children’s. He was totally fine with it and said he would do the same if the roles were reversed.

That's the thing. He has told me in the past if I had taken his name he wouldve wanted me to change it

@AvocadoYUK

That's the thing. He has told me in the past if I had taken his name he wouldve wanted me to change it

He wouldn't have had any say in it

Just as you don't in his name

Name doesn't belong to you

OP, are you taking on board what everyone is telling you here?