Neighbours and Weed

[Pewwhatasmell]

NC.

We had new neighbours move in about a month ago. Very young couple, 22 max, 2 kids. It's their first house, he works shifts, and you can tell they're still finding their way in life. Ok to chat to. That's the good bits.

They are very vocal, argue a lot, the kids are screaming around 18 hours of the day. We are already pretty fed up with them but keep reminding ourselves that these are strange times and it may get better after lockdown. We're also both quite avoidant to confrontation.

They quite obviously smoke weed, and a lot of it. The man put a chair half way down our garden to smoke it during the day (facing towards our decking / seating area which was previously quite private), but at night smokes indoors. The smell is permeating through our walls and into our house (we're both mid terrace). I used to smoke weed and am fairly non judgemental about it, but my house fucking stinks. Plus knowing they have a toddler and a baby indoors, it makes me very uneasy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? DP has offered to have a quite chat which I hope will help, but I'm not sure. I think we should report to SS due to the children, DP concerned that they will immediately know it's us and could lash out.

I suffer quite badly from anxiety and am often torn about what to do in difficult situations, hence reaching out to MN. If anyone has been in a similar situation would be keen to hear your solutions.

@ThisShitCrazy

The police don't even come out to house burglaries anymore... you think they will come out every time you smell a joint?

Yes, because in my area they do come out when people are reported to be smoking weed.

I would most certainly be moving if the police weren’t even attending burglaries.

Your DH has the right idea - a quiet word about the noise and the smell.
Don’t waste SS time without trying talking to your neighbours, gently offering non judgemental advice.

It’s grim that they are they are smoking it inside. It will stink. Do they rent or own the property? If they rent then they have probably breached their tenancy agreement.

I would have to say something, they must be nose blind and need it pointing out that you are being affected.

@HappyintheHills

Your DH has the right idea - a quiet word about the noise and the smell. Don’t waste SS time without trying talking to your neighbours, gently offering non judgemental advice.

This is the plan 👍

@Purplephonecover

It’s grim that they are they are smoking it inside. It will stink. Do they rent or own the property? If they rent then they have probably breached their tenancy agreement.

I would have to say something, they must be nose blind and need it pointing out that you are being affected.

They rent, we're waiting to have a chat with their LL about a different matter (nothing to do with tenants) so if a polite word doesn't work I'll bring it up with them.

The problem with having a word about the smoking is in effect asking them to stop because what is the alternative? Some people are unwilling/ unable to stop smoking when they have children, so stopping because a neighbour doesn't like it is unlikely to have any effect, will be a giant waste of time and will create tension.

@Doingtheboxerbeat

The problem with having a word about the smoking is in effect asking them to stop because what is the alternative? Some people are unwilling/ unable to stop smoking when they have children, so stopping because a neighbour doesn't like it is unlikely to have any effect, will be a giant waste of time and will create tension.

And here in lies my quandary / puts my anxiety sky high!

Ask them to smoke outside

I used to live in a terraced house...and had the same problem with weed smells coming through. Oddly, it was worse upstairs. I went into the loft one day and realised there were gaps in the joining walls in the loft. Had a wee peep through and saw lots of plants and UV lights in next door's loft!

If you think it’s likely that they’re smoking weed around their 2 very young children then I think it would be reasonable to report to SS. Not because it’s illegal, but because how can you be sure they’re able to meet their children’s needs all of the time if they’re constantly stoned?

Going down to the bottom of the garden when the kids are in bed to have a single spliff and relax in the evening is fine, similar to sitting down with a glass or two of wine, but if they are smoking all day everyday to the point you can smell it in your house that would make me question whether they are fit to care for the children effectively. I would say the same if you knew they were drinking alcohol all day around the kids.

I would report your concerns because if you’re worried about a child’s welfare it’s always better to raise a concern and find everything’s fine than ignore it and find out down the line that a child’s come to harm. It sounds like they are a young family and potentially struggling with managing their kids and social services may be able to offer them support to improve their parenting (if needed) and help them to be able to get through a day with the kids without needing to turn to drugs.

People saying it's not like crack etc or alcohol. Being under the influence affects your abilities to react to danger, at the very least. Like any drug it literally kills brain cells. People who smoke weed are always slow and a bit dim and they don't see it themselves. I don't think children are safe being supervised by people who are drunk or on drugs. I would say something.

Doesn't sound like a SS or police issue. I'd let your partner have a quiet word like he suggests but definitely investigate the loft space. If they're cultivating it that's another issue and can also be a fire risk.

People who smoke weed are always slow and a bit dim and they don't see it themselves.

😂😂😂😂 I know people in senior management that smoke weed daily and take coke every weekend. What a sad sheltered little world you live in

I tried it a couple of times at uni but to be fair I do find the weed smokers I’ve come across (and I know a lot in the field I work in) are generally quite “sad”, paranoid people
who mistakenly think they are “hip” and liberal.

Unless you can get their landlord involved there is nothing you can do. SS will not care, police will not care. You could try talking to your neighbours but if they don't care about smoking weed around their own young children I doubt they care about smoking it around you either.

@ThisShitCrazy I do not live in a sad sheltered world "hun", you have no idea what a rough school I went to and how many people I know who still do it. I'm a nurse, I can tell when people smoke it, I've had colleagues and patients try to get away with it and I always tell them I know. If you think being under the influence of something that is well known for slowing you down (hence the chilled out feeling) as it slows your synapse responses in the brain etc, makes you good at looking after children then I hope you're not a mother and you don't do things like that yourself

@Lemon but it’s stereotypical nonsense, it really is. I know many prominent people, successful businesses people that smoke it. One is a university professor and lecturer who writes papers that shape his particular field. Another is a multimillionaire, who retiring to a huge chateau he’s built in the alps. Many more too, and they’re all considerably more successful than you or I. If you only know “sad” and “slow” people that smoke then I’m sorry, but you actually have had a sheltered, one dimensional experience of it and you’re not the authority you seem to think you are.

It’s a bit like if I said that anyone who enjoys a drink is a violent loud mouthed football fan. That would be a stupid, blinkered thing to say.

@LemonPeonies I'm actually dying laughing at you trying to be insulting by calling me 'hun' 😂

And also as a nurse I really hope you're not so judgemental and stereotypical. I truly hope you're not a mother because dear lord, your poor kids 😂

@Lonelycrab 100% agree and for a nurse to be so judgemental and hostile about it.... wow

I must admit I'm very taken aback that a NURSE would use the phrase 'I hope you're not a mother' on a site where people talk about troubles to conceive. I've said it back out of anger but what a bloody horrible thing to say to someone

@Pewwhatasmell this sounds really stressful and we have a similar issue.

Speak to them nicely and if that doesn’t work then have a chat with the LL but whatever do you - don’t actually complain to the Council otherwise you’ll have to declare it when you sell up

We’re hanging on for a few months and hoping they’ll retreat as it gets colder and wetter. Then sell.

Thanks Grumpy, good luck!

I'm a fantastic nurse and mother thank you. Looks like you've got way too much time on your hands are you offended because you're one of those mums who thinks it's ok to parent your child while under the influence? You must be such a good parent

Oh and my job has nothing to do with it being a fact that not everyone would make a good parent and I lump anyone who regularly takes drugs to the point the neighbours house stinks or if they were really drunk. It would make you incapable of caring for them properly so they don't deserve them.

LemonPeonies isn’t wrong. You can’t be a drug taker and a good parent.