To get back together with him?

[turtle16]

Hi all, I’m very new to this my first post.
Two years ago I split up with my DP of 8 years (married 5) due to his anger issues and taking it out on my DS and DD. We also have a DD together and he also started to lose his temper with her. He would swear and call them very nasty names.
He was on meds and exercising and we had some great times - years in fact, but then he decided to stop taking the meds, he got injured and stopped exercising and so he was quick to lose his temper again.
I decided enough was enough and we split when on holiday summer 2018.
He had a break down and got help, he’s back on meds and has been seeing a counsellor. He’s in a better place and I can see he is really trying to change, and I think he has somewhat.
We’re thinking about officially being back together as a couple as he’s been staying here in lock down during the week when I only have our DD here and then when I have my other two he goes to his place.
My two don’t want to ever love with him again and say they don’t want to really see him or even try. Their dad also says why would I want to even give him a chance when he mentally abused them.
I’m a Christian and believe in forgiveness and the value of marriage if the other person is willing to fight and change themselves for the better.
But AIBU to even consider it when my two children are so against it. DD that we have together would love nothing more.

[eatsleepread]

FFS, I can't believe I missed that. Sorry.

Seriously OP, well-done. You have 100% done the right thing.

[turtle16]

Thank you all.
I think sometimes when you’re deep in a situation you can’t see the obvious
Wanted people that had commented before to know I hadn’t taken him back and that me and the kids are happy and man free!

[Thatwentbadly]

@turtle16

My older two are 13 and 17.
They live with their dad half the week and me the rest as we live a few villages apart from one another.
Lockdown has created a very artificial environment I think and we have ended up sleeping together when he’s here during the week.
I usually have my older two during the week but they need to be at their dads during the week to look after their other younger sister so I’ve ended up with three days every weekend.
My DS comes here and treats the house and me very disrespectfully, if he doesn’t get what he wants he throws things and slams the doors. He’s 13 and nearly 6ft, I’m 5.3ft there’s nothing I can do to stop him. DD says he doesn’t do this at his dads house, which upsets me as I feel he doesn’t even want to be with me. I sometimes feel that I ended my marriage for him (as he was the one who got most of the shouting at) and he doesn’t even care that I made myself a single parent or even want to be at my house anyway.

It’s not unusual for children who have been abused to act out in some way. Did you ever seek help for your son to help him deal with the abuse he experienced?

[BendyLikeBeckham]

Well done OP. So glad to hear you saw sense. I hope your DS settles down too.

[SignOnTheWindow]

@turtle16

Just wanted to give an update. I didn’t take him back!!!
I have managed to buy my own house without and the divorce has been filed!!
The children all seem happier and I am happier.
Onwards and upwards!

What a fantastic update! Congratulations, OP - all power to you. Can't have been easy, but you absolutely did the right thing.

[katy1213]

If marriage is so sacred, why aren't you with the father of your first family?
'Somewhat' changed - over quite a brief period of time - would not send me back to a violent man.

[katy1213]

Oh, good for you - didn't see that you'd up-dated!

[SeaShoreGalore]

Brilliant!