I want to send DD's back to school but DH doesn't.

[Frume]

More of a WWYD in this situation. We have 2 DD's, one in Reception and one in Year 1. Their classes went back on Monday.

We both have vulnerable family members (Both sets of parents) who we see.

He said he hasn't done any research in to why it is or isn't safe. He has just said that as our parents are vulnerable he doesn't want the children going back. He also thinks it's just too soon and the children who have been sent back are being 'used as an experiment' to see what happens.

I was originally against sending them back as I too thought it was too soon. But things seem to be heading in the right direction and everything is opening up far quicker than I expected. Friends who have sent their children back have said how much they have all enjoyed it and we are (in our household) very low risk.

Obviously our parents being vulnerable is a concern to me and at the moment that is what's keeping me from sending them back. The toss up between them being in school for the rest of the term of being able to see their grandparents - They have been cuddling them, so not really sticking to the 2m.

I'm torn here. If he says no, I need to respect that, right? Even if he has done no research and has no solid argument on why we shouldn't send them back?

WWYD?

I don't really see how your DH can hold that position while knowing that your family + vulnerable parents aren't adhering to the guidelines re social distancing. It seems very hypocritical. A lot of grandparents want to cuddle their grandchildren but can't at the moment - my parents and PIL are finding it very hard but that's the situation we are in at the moment.

I would be sending the children back to school over seeing a grandparent, especially if there is no single person household within the grandparents! The reason being is I think kids get more from being around their friends than they do potentially their grandparents plus with summer holidays coming up they will have this time to spend with their grandparents. They can or course still see grandparents but you’ll have to go to social distancing visits in the garden

Which of you is doing the homeschooling and childcare?

I don’t understand why you must respect his wishes while he ignores yours. Your dd’s needs and wants should come before dgp’s. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t send them back, that is for the two of you to decide together, but the dgp’s wants shouldn’t come into it. If they are vulnerable they should be shielding properly, not expecting others to pause their lives.

If the parents are that vulnerable, why on earth have you been letting the children hug them?

To add, if you won't stop them cuddling, then absolutely don't send them into school. If your children are in a bubble with 10 other kids, that's ten other families you'll be exposing the vulnerable grandparents too.

Send the children to school, they can zoom with the grandparent for a few months.

I agree @mynameiscalypso.

@TheTrollFairy - My mother is on her own. But my father has my brother and his girlfriend who live there too and my PIL's have each other.

@Ellmau - I am. Luckily my partners job hasn't been disrupted at all, so he has still been working full time. I'm struggling teaching the 5 year old. I just can't hold her attention for long enough!

@LuaDipa - That is a good point. None of the grandparents were told to officially shield. Just that they have conditions that put them at more of a risk. They have all still been doing their own shopping etc.

It's a massive decision to make- it really needs to be school or Grandparents. Not socially distancing with vulnerable grandparents and school sounds like it could lead to issues.
So, what is more important to your family?

FWIW, my Y6 has gone back to school, but no grandparents are within day trip distance. From what I can see, Y6 parents have been much more likely to send kids back to our school than the YR and Y1 parents - I'd say 2/3 of Y6 are back, but only 1/3 of the earlier years.

My DH is vulnerable, not the in the shielding category but high risk according to the govt. we have Ds and Ds, we are also both emergency services.

We’ve worked, he mostly from home but still in office following rigid SD. Kids have gone to nursery and school throughout, Dd nursery did close and reopened 2 weeks ago. Ds has been at school throughout.

There is nearly a zero risk of transmittion in children under 10.

In your situation I wouldn’t think twice about kids going back to school .

It’s such a hard decision to make I decided the night before to send my eldest son (yr1) into school and I’m so glad I did. There’s only 5 children in his group and are all social distancing. He was so happy to see him friends and I think he’s enjoyed having something to do.

If your children have already been seeing their grandparents, then at this point their need to go to school and be around their peers is probably greater than their need to see grandparents.

None of the grandparents were told to officially shield. Just that they have conditions that put them at more of a risk. They have all still been doing their own shopping etc

I would definitely be sending them back. The risk of them catching it in a supermarket will be far higher than your girls catching it at school with the measures most schools have put in place.
FWIW, I am in the high risk category but not in the shielding, I haven’t been doing my shopping (I get online and have for years) and I will be sending my DD back this week

If your DH doesn't want them going back is he going to take over the home learning??

In that case, @Frume, it is absolutely your decision. Send her back unless your dp is prepared to take over (and actually does it). The second he hands her over to you is the second she goes back.

We haven't sent dd2 back because dd1 is Y2 and can't go back, so it makes more sense to keep them both off and then we can see family. But if they could both be back they would be.

Would you stop seeing your parents if you send the DC to school?

I think it's a personal decision, how much you both want your daughter to see your grandparents and how much she and them get out of it vs how much she would get out of going back to school.

For me it's easier as we live a distance from grandparents anyway.

There are only a few weeks left of term anyway though so either way its only temporary.

I'm surprised you have carried on mixing when we have been told that it's against the rules. Especially if the GP are vulnerable.

The girls would be better off going into school & keeping away from grandparents until the summer hols.

If DH was home schooling for three months followed by 6 weeks summer hols I think his view would change.

Of course it should be a discussion weighing up the pros and cons for your situation and deciding what is best for your dd and family.

But if you're doing the schooling its your decision at he end of the day. You dont have to respect his decision anymore than he does yours.

@Placesrobe7099292

My DH is vulnerable, not the in the shielding category but high risk according to the govt. we have Ds and Ds, we are also both emergency services.

We’ve worked, he mostly from home but still in office following rigid SD. Kids have gone to nursery and school throughout, Dd nursery did close and reopened 2 weeks ago. Ds has been at school throughout.

There is nearly a zero risk of transmittion in children under 10.

In your situation I wouldn’t think twice about kids going back to school .

Where have you seen this about the zero risk of transmission in children under 10 please?

If he wants them to remain off then perhaps he has to make arrangements for their care and schooling is what I would tell him. I can quite see home schooling has gone on long enough and people are exhausted. It seems he isn't sticking to the rules re shielding anyway - we're parents in the shielding group with letters? Probably you need to stop seeing parents and get the kids back to school - especially for their education and development

They really shouldn't be hugging both sets of grandparents, especially as you class them as vulnerable. I don't say that lightly, I took my kids to see my mum today and left in tears because my mum is so desperate for a hug and I can't give her one

If you send them back to school then you're being unfair to the rest of their class "bubble" by not following SD guidelines. Schools are relying on families to keep things as low risk as possible.

If your DH insists on them staying at home, he needs to step in and take over with their home learning. No 'laying down the law' and then buggering off to work consequence-free.

I agree with pps. If you are doing the homeschooling- especially if one is struggling with it - you are the one who makes the final decision.

Personally, as you’ve been seeing the grandparents already, I’d now stop seeing them and send the kids to school. It’s more important for them to be there.