I want to send DD's back to school but DH doesn't.

[Frume]

More of a WWYD in this situation. We have 2 DD's, one in Reception and one in Year 1. Their classes went back on Monday.

We both have vulnerable family members (Both sets of parents) who we see.

He said he hasn't done any research in to why it is or isn't safe. He has just said that as our parents are vulnerable he doesn't want the children going back. He also thinks it's just too soon and the children who have been sent back are being 'used as an experiment' to see what happens.

I was originally against sending them back as I too thought it was too soon. But things seem to be heading in the right direction and everything is opening up far quicker than I expected. Friends who have sent their children back have said how much they have all enjoyed it and we are (in our household) very low risk.

Obviously our parents being vulnerable is a concern to me and at the moment that is what's keeping me from sending them back. The toss up between them being in school for the rest of the term of being able to see their grandparents - They have been cuddling them, so not really sticking to the 2m.

I'm torn here. If he says no, I need to respect that, right? Even if he has done no research and has no solid argument on why we shouldn't send them back?

WWYD?

Why were you originally not going to send them in but happy to see vulnerable GPs with no social distancing?

Why have you been mixing if they are vulnerable? Makes no sense at all.
School and zoom or FaceTime the grandparents.

Actually @22Giraffes makes an excellent point - if I was your children's school, I wouldn't want them back knowing that they are not obeying SD.

They need to be in school. I can't believe your husband thinks hugging grandparents is more important than education and the children seeing their friends. They can still see the grandparents safely if it's outdoors with a 2m distance. (Or minimise risk by letting the child hug the adult's waist or side by side hugging with no face contact, if they really must). Plus it's unlikely for a child to transmit to an adult. There's a lot of information about that on the government sage documents page.

Actually @22Giraffes makes an excellent point - if I was your children's school, I wouldn't want them back knowing that they are not obeying SD.

Oh come on, hugging grandparents is hardly a huge breach! SD was never meant to be 100 per cent followed. It is just guidance to reduce spread, not completely stop it. Be sensible and use common sense!

If he wants them off school, he's going to have to take time off work to facilitate it then, isn't he?

I think he likes having all 3 of "his girls" at home, right where he knows they are.

You've been 100% charged eith their care and education, so the choice is yours. Send them back to school.

Oh come on, hugging grandparents is hardly a huge breach! SD was never meant to be 100 per cent followed. It is just guidance to reduce spread, not completely stop it. Be sensible and use common sense!

Oh FFS, hugging vulnerable grandparents is exactly the kind of example the guidance is meant to stop. Im not a paranoid person +?- my year 1 is back at school, we're doing socially distanced playdates, but there's no way I'm hugging my mum right now, even though I'd love to, because she's vulnerable and there's still a fair bit of community transmission.

5 yo does not need to “pay attention” all day! At school she would be learning through play most of the time.

If you do decide to send them back please take social distancing and the guidelines more seriously - you are exposing your dds’ teachers (and all children/families in their bubble) which is unfair. Schools shouldn’t be doing all the crazy stuff they’re having to (the bubble system is very strict) if the pupils’ families don’t follow the rules themselves.

If your DH had spent even a week at home trying to take care of and home school his children on his own he would not be quite so adamant about them returning.

hugging grandparents is not a huge breach
That's exactly what it is.
People are unbelievable.

I am sort of in the same position

Ds can go to school (reception) but dd (year 2) can’t,

Dh doesn’t want ds to go mainly because both he and dd have asthma.

As he is the one with ill health, I have respected his decision.

But it’s frustrating as I think ds needs to go to school

But at the same time, he will kick off cos dd isn’t going. She will kick off cos ds IS going so overall it’s easier for them not to go

Agree with PPs saying that since you’ve covered the distance learning, you should decide. Since DC have seen their grandparents education seems a higher priority IMO.

Our older/vulnerable family members are not local, but once UK wide travel and staying in others’ houses are allowed we’ll be in a similar position, and will choose school, since education is vital and DH and I can’t provide adequate “cover” at home, whilst working FT.

You’ve been unclear about your work situation, but if you usually do paid work, resuming paid work is presumably a high priority too?

He doesn't get to make decisions based on no research which have no consequences for him. He's not management and you're not staff.

Send them back. I have a reception child back full time. She is loving it and very happy to be back learning with her friends. We are not seeing grandparents because we have to work and quite frankly the vulnerable grandparents problem will go on untill/ if a vaccine appears and I will not destroy my child's education whilst waiting. Children have already been proved to be low risk the months of empty children's wards in hospital s are your proof of that.

I would send them back.
Education and socialisation is far more important IMO.
My yr 10 is going back next week.

The experiment is keeping them off, and seeing what happens when you take kids out of their peer groups and homeschool them with no training and inadequate resources for six months.

It’s about what is best for your children, not their grandparents. They have been locked up long enough. Send them to school.

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. My DC are going back as soon as they can and my DP (who are both shielding) won’t be able to see them in close contact until we understand and are much more comfortable with the risk this might pose.

Sounds like he’s happy to let his children miss out as long as his life doesn’t change.

Is there space for them at school? Ours are totally over-subscribed and only went back today. There is no space for any other children.

How old are they and what conditions do they have op?

Effectively you’re prioritising breaking the social distancing rule over sending your kids to school. They could easily see their grandparents, or you could individually without them, and social distance, personally I’d have made a different decision because I think up to six months off is too much for small kids.

I would send them but stop mixing with grandparents until the summer holidays.

I’ve not sent my Year 1 DS as his younger brother is vulnerable. I’m a teacher and as I’m with my own bubble every day we decided we couldn’t take any extra risk as a household.

Your parents and PIL are at more risk going to the supermarket and being exposed to other adults than to your children who have been in school. I would absolutely send them back and limit visits to grandparents. I’m clinically vulnerable and I’d send my own dc back in a heartbeat.

But if your dh insists they stay at home, he has to figure out how to do the bulk of the childcare and homeschooling while working, just like many of us have had to do.

You say their classes went back on Monday, so presume last week? So havent you already said no? Not sure school can fit you in now if you've already said no?