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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone regretting not learning to drive?

102 replies

Doingtheboxerbeat · 14/06/2020 18:10

I have never ever had a problem with not driving due to living in cities with excellent transport links and being an avid cyclist but I am really regretting it now since lock down.
I finally got around to getting my provisional licence back in March then I lost my job due to covid-19.
I live alone and really want to go to the beach or anywhere that is too far away to cycle but I can't justify using public transport for this can I? And I can't really expect another household to take me.
I'm just bored shitless - anyone else?

OP posts:
oneoffname · 15/06/2020 07:15

I didn't learn to drive until my mid thirties, when the logistics of getting my dcs to school and nursery meant I really needed to drive in order to make it work. Up to that point I'd either walked, or used public transport. Somehow I managed to do the weekly shop with a toddler in a pushchair, we did loads of days out by train - the dcs always loved going on a train - and generally never felt id missed out on anything.
I've now been driving for over 20 years. Even now, I don't regret not learning sooner, I think that I did it at the right time for me. I can see how, right now, you feel you are missing out, but I think if you get onto the theory side of it now and get booked in for practical lessons as soon as it's allowed, you'll be fine.

whoopsivechangedagain · 15/06/2020 08:01

No, I don't regret not learning to drive. I can appreciate that it would be more convenient for me if I could drive, but I also think we have a massive problems with traffic, pollution, over-dependence on cars and so on.

I realise this is a very boring thing to say but I brought up two children with special needs without driving. We used public transport and I really do not know how we would have been able to travel if I had not been free to sit next to them and actively supervise their journeys. I was using a trolley-bag for shopping, long before they became more mainstream among the under-sixties and I used to commute a considerable distance to work.

My main complaint has never been that I have not learnt to drive, but rather that public transport is often very unreliable or too expensive.

MeadowHay · 15/06/2020 10:40

Obviously as a non driver ive relied heavily on public transport up til now and see many many rude and inconsiderate people and some aggressive and abusive ones. If it was just me or just me and DH I wouldn't be bothered but I am concerned about abuse from people if I get on the bus or train with DD in her pram especially if she screams the whole journey out of fear due to me and DH wearing face coverings. DD has a FFP3 template mask thing due to his work to keep for future orders/fits at work and she gets terrified if he puts it on at home. There's also the logistical issues of needing space with the pram and what if we go somewhere and get stranded out there. And we can't afford to get taxis to places further afield and I imagine they will be making passengers wear face coverings soon despite them already having installed perspex screens here!

romany4 · 15/06/2020 10:55

I've never learnt to drive. Never wanted to.
When I tell people I can't drive, they stare at me and say Why???

I live quite rural but I can get anywhere I need to go by bus from my village. And there's a train station 10 miles away

Stuckforthefourthtime · 15/06/2020 11:00

@whoopsivechangedagain I realise this is a very boring thing to say but I brought up two children with special needs without driving.

Yes, but in a pandemic under lockdown, without access to public transport?
I have 4dcs, one with special needs, and while I was occasionally a bit envious of drivers, I never minded and felt that with 4dcs, every bit I could do to minimise our impact was good, and that what they lost in getting places quickly, they gained in patience, sibling time and seeing more of others.

However that's not true right now. We're not allowed to use public transport for anything but essential journeys (and even if you could, I'd be concerned about risk on the tube and also whether it would be fair to add crowding for workers who have no choice), so it doesn't matter how many libraries, museums, new locations open up, unless DH can drive us somewhere, I'm stuck in a fairly small radius with all of them. Many people are far worse off than us, with no access to a car at all, and having to risk public transport daily despite health issues. It's really hard, and a little empathy wouldn't go astray.

whoopsivechangedagain · 15/06/2020 11:36

'Many people are far worse off than us, with no access to a car at all, and having to risk public transport daily despite health issues. It's really hard, and a little empathy wouldn't go astray.'

I have total empathy for people who have little access to transport. However, there is a massive under-investment in public transport; an inherent assumption that people 'should' drive at all costs and the amount of 'remorse' people express at not learning to drive seems to reflect this assumption.

The long term effects of this government's response to the pandemic will be felt for a long time and will probably lead to a further reduction in public transport and to public facilities.

SerenDippitty · 15/06/2020 11:39

I was really glad I’d learned to drive when my mother became frail, developed dementia and eventually had to go into a care home. It made providing support/visiting so much easier.

SockYarn · 15/06/2020 12:02

Well in the OP's position it pretty much is an "essential life skill" now. It wasn't before, it is now and she's found herself isolated.

I'd be making whatever plans I could OP to save every penny towards lessons.

WhatIsLife20 · 15/06/2020 12:07

If you find it hard to learn to drive, go for an automatic license. That's what I did and so did my DH. There's plenty of automatic and semi automatic cars on the market and it's also easy to get an automatic rental car or van these days too. We both only had to have around 12 lessons and passed first time. Cost effective and not nearly as restrictive as it used to be. I have nerve damage on my left side due to a nasty bout of shingles so having to control a clutch was really hard for me so I decided to go the automatic route and don't regret it at all. My left leg sits redundant while I use my right leg for the accelerator and brake

montyliesandmontycries · 15/06/2020 12:10

I was in my 30s before I did my test - lived in London - but so glad I did. Now I have kids, go camping etc it’s invaluable. It’s never to late to learn.

montyliesandmontycries · 15/06/2020 12:10

People
Will judge you for not learning - and it is actually easier when you’re older I found, more sensible, more mature

Bbang · 15/06/2020 12:34

I’m 30 in a few months with three kids, I was never bothered about driving until a few years ago.

I really regret not learning in my early 20’s not being able to take my kids anywhere interesting drives me nuts, walking and bussing the horrid school and nursery run then panicking I’ll be late all the way to uni is a nightmare, never able to carry any more than one bad of shopping, standing at bus stops in the rain etc.

I’m fed up of it so I’ve booked my theory test, and my lessons start end of July. I’m hoping to be driving by the end of the year. My life will become infinitely easier overnight.

GlumyGloomer · 15/06/2020 12:39

Me! I live in London and it never seemed that important pre kids. Covid has made me regret it even more.
Money is a big issue though.

DollyDoneMore · 15/06/2020 12:40

Waiting for the usual "driving is an essential life skill" mob to come along.

Driving is a really useful life skill.

Maybe not essential but really useful. Why would anyone pretend that’s not the case?

mylittlesandwich · 15/06/2020 12:45

@montyliesandmontycries I actually found it much harder learning to drive in my twenties than my teens, I was much much more cautious. Too cautious. It took me a long time to build my confidence.

bravotango · 15/06/2020 13:07

I was a late driver too, like some previous posters. Don't regret it at all but it was a bit of a slog. I'd say if you can afford it, commit to getting in done in the next year and do as many hours a week as you can fit in and afford!

DeadButDelicious · 15/06/2020 14:06

Nope. I get made to feel like I should a lot (usually by my MIL) but I've never felt constrained by public transport/walking and have no plans to learn for the foreseeable future.

My husband can drive, we have a car if there was anywhere I wanted to take DD that required a car journey then we'd probably be going as a family anyway. I also have very real misgivings about putting yet another car on the road, my street alone has been absolutely rammed with cars what with everyone being home due to lockdown. Do I really need to put another one out there so I can drive to town instead of getting the bus? I don't think I do so I don't. Smile

Crinkle77 · 15/06/2020 14:46

Yes I do especially at the moment as I live semi rurally. I feel trapped because I can't just jump in the car and go and see my friends or family for something to do. I couldn't wait to learn to drive when I was 17 but I hated it. I just felt constantly on edge the whole time and had a little prang which didn't help. It's much more expensive to drive now and can't afford it plus I think I've built it up to be this huge thing.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/06/2020 07:16

If I lived in London, I would use public transport....

Outside London, unless you're in a large town with plentiful buses/trams, everything takes sooooo long...

Unless you're very lucky, and are walking distance of shops/cinemas /cafes/gyms - you can't just 'nip' somewhere!

I grew up semi- rurally in a market town, (no major shops, or cinemas) and there were main towns within 20 miles, it was impossible to get to/from after 4pm!.... So we HAD to rely on our parents to taxi us around... (which must have been a right pain for them). Public transport in these areas is even worse now. Taxis are eye wateringly prohibitive.

You're absolutely stuffed without your own transport.

ShebaShimmyShake · 16/06/2020 07:32

This is why I was so determined to learn as a teenager. I knew it would be years before I could afford a car and I didn't have a burning need to drive at the time, but I knew there would come a point when I'd be very glad I could drive. It came sooner than I was expecting in the end.

It is a tough one, OP...expensive and, for some people, very difficult. But the time does come when you pass and have your freedom, and it's worth it. Perhaps an intensive course would suit you better when that becomes an option. It is costly but it's worth prioritising it as an expense after essentials if that's at all possible.

Good luck.

hopeishere · 16/06/2020 07:33

My mum didn't drive and it was a massive PITA. Always either getting the bus or taxis or begging for lifts. Extra curricular lessons were practically impossible.

Pelleas · 16/06/2020 07:37

I wish I could drive - I did try to learn when I was young but I was terrible at it and it terrifies me.

dottiedodah · 16/06/2020 07:44

Iwill taketwoplease Dont despair! at 26 you have years ahead of you to drive ,believe me .I was 6 days short of my 33rd birthday ,when I passed mine! Once you have passed then the rest is just practise really .Do learn if you can ,it really will change your life!

dottiedodah · 16/06/2020 07:48

whatIsLife20 Agree wholeheartedly! Im quite short so find changing gear and pushing clutch up /down quite difficult!

zoedoodle · 16/06/2020 10:47

I can’t drive for medical reasons and really wish I could.

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