Comparing my life to everyone else's

[Queenie42]

I'm at a stage in my life where most of my friends and family are settling down, having families or have good careers. I'm having relationships issues, unhappy in my job and I'm comparing my life to everyone else's. I'm even comparing my life to strangers online. One minute I'm panicking I should have a career then I'm panicking I should have children by now, my clock is ticking. Im scared and it's driving me mad.

You know what they say... Comparison is the theft of joy.
I'm presuming you are say late 20s/ early30s?
To me the key thing at this age is to decide what you really want, in priority order, and then what you are going to do to make it happen. It can't be everything.. That might happen.. But it might not.. So you need to pick..

Ie... Is the person you are with a keeper? If not bite the bullet now and get out...

Your job... Is it the place you are at or the job itself... If its the place thats an easier fix than if its the job itself.

Remember most people, especially at this type of age, 'spin'... So they put on Facebook or make polite conversations where they don't discuss how they really feel or what problems they have... Just put emphasis (and perhaps over extended) the positives

Oh op.
We all feel like this sometime
You can't compare your chapter 2 to someone else's chapter 10
Eg some of those who have settled down had that relationship when they were younger and have been in it longer and feel readier to settle

Hiya, just to say I totally know how you feel and honestly everywoman who I know well enough to talk to on any sort of intimate way has gone through patches, like this.

Ones where you feel like everyone else has life figured out and you don’t.

This is not the case, looking to others is natural but can also be deeply harmful. Their outside is also not always indicative of their inside and even if it was. It is still that which belongs to someone else.

I don’t feel like I have an answer, but for me what made me feel better was not a change in circumstances, no dream job or Keanu look alike will resolve this disquiet for you.

The only thing I can recommend is self examination. What does this life really mean for me, where do I want to be, how do I want to live, what is the most authentic way for me to be here on planet Earth.

Sorry I don’t have much more to offer, but this is what I did and it worked for me.

All the best to you

You only know one side of the story, focus on your own. You are unhappy in your job, start there.

Trouble is i think we feel that here is a set timeline by which we have to acjieve things by...uni 1t 18, meet someone at uni, achieve dream job at 21, marriage and mortgage by 25, kids at 30 etc...Guess what? It's all bollocks!

Achieve

Stop comparing yourself to others, you'll never be happy. What do you want to do, the world is your oyster and you can live how you like.
You don't have to follow what others do, do what you want to, and be who you want to be, life is short.

Are you 42 like your username?

Whether you need to take action regarding having children if you want them depends on how old you are.

@happytoday73
@purpledaises
I'm late twenties.

@SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge
It is comforting that I'm alone, I haven't actually chat to anyone else about this, I've kept it inside out of shame. I felt at my age I should have it all figured out by now.

@malifcent7
Absolutely, I have always put things on a timeline. I 'should' be doing this or that. For example now, I'm my late twenties, I should have children, a husband, a house. I feel a failure at times.

You’ll get there if that’s what you really want. If I had my time again, I would wait & be patient. I wasn’t and had it all planned out. On paper my life looks great, Marriage, job, house, children etc, but I married the wrong man in my haste & feel incredibly lonely. Take your time:

You’ll get there if that’s what you really want.

Not necessarily. Not everyone gets married, even if they'd like to. Not everyone who wants to have children is able to for a variety of reasons. I don't mean to be negative, just realistic.

Firstly - agree with everyone else about stopping the comparisons.

Secondly - if you're unhappy with your life what are you doing about it?

Take the energy and time you're spending making comparisons and use them to figure out a plan of action.

Why are you unhappy with your relationship? Is it fix-able or not? Do you want to fix it?

What work do you do now? What do you want to do?

@Wheresmymojo
Thanks, some good questions to ask myself. I thought I had my life figured out this year until lockdown shook everything up and now a bit lost.

I’m terrible for thinking to much about things that aren’t what they should be. It’s not worth it. Just think about what you have.

I would focus on your career first, you have time to meet someone and have children. If you are well established in a career which you can potentially do part time or from home, this will be very beneficial when you have children. I didn't quite manage this and now at 45 I think the career ship might have sailed for me. I have been self-employed working round my kids, they are still only 13 and 10 and have no pension which worries me. Saying that there are no guarantees.