To ask if I am mixed race?

[800caloriesofwine]

Such a strange question but here goes... I have had limited contact with my bio dad. I did a dna test and it came back I was about 70/30 white to black British.
I have always classed myself as white British, I can only speak from a white British point of view. However racism is everywhere at the moment. My FIL just sent me a particularly vile meme about black people, and I just sent back 'you know I'm mixed race right?' without thinking.
Now I feel like a fraud. I am barely mixed race. I have had none of the experiences (positive or negative) of being part of another culture. Am I lying to him and myself? Am I mixed race?
My dad is definitely not white passing. However I am. My mum and stepdad are so white and we look like a family.

If your dad is Not white then you are mixed race

I call myself mixed race - my dad was half Bangladeshi so theoretically that makes me 75/25?

Was your dad black/mixed race?

Your FIL is a knob, sorry you had to receive that shot from him.

@BacklashStarts mixed.

You are mixed raced as in your DNA but as you have little contact with your father and pass as white you do not have the lived in experience of being mixed race. So standing up for your heritage and BLM to you Fil in my opinion is fine it would be crossing a line if you indicated you suffered the racism associated with being black which you clearly have not done.

@Boulshired I agree. That's why I feel conflicted. I should have just told him he was out of order. Regardless of any personal connection. That's why I feel like a fraud. Now I have to explain my tenuous ethnicity to him. And know that he is a secret racist.

There are two issues here. The predominant one is that your FIL is a racist and racist texts etc should have a zero tolerance policy. You should tell him this and block him should you no longer wish to receive these vile messages. The other iris that you are technically mixed race. I understand you self identify as white due to the reasons you’ve outlined, but it is still your truth.

I don’t feel it matters much which reason you give as long as you challenge this arsehole.

Also you don’t need to explain anything to him. Why don’t you ask him why he thinks sending a racist message is ok? That’ll lift the focus off you

You are still mixed race but obviously very light skinned. Do you have children? Your children could be darker than you.

This sounds like the start of a purity spiral.

You are mixed race. You're FIL is pure knuckle-dragging goblin.

He’s not really worth worrying about, you are probably not going to influence him and not worth your energy.

You are mixed race - being able to pass for white is irrelevant. Sure your issues might not be the same as a MR person who was darker skinned (or a black person) but that doesn’t negate your identity.

I’m mixed race but I basically look white. But I don’t feel weird about saying I’m mixed race because it’s true. I’m not claiming that I’ve experienced the same level of discrimination as darker-skinned people. I’m just stating a fact.

Btw my husband’s family say racist shit all the time, either because they forget that I’m not really white (even though I sort of look it) or because they deliberately want to hurt me. I know how you feel.

Now I have to explain my tenuous ethnicity to him. And know that he is a secret racist.

Eh? Why do you owe him anything?

Hopefully next time he thinks to send out a racist text, he'll remember the pants messing feeling he had when he received your text.

What your FIL did was unacceptable whether or not you are mixed race, and you are right to challenge him and be disgusted by what he did.
You are mixed race, your DNA proves that.

Also do you have children? Because your white skin may not pass to your children in the same way. Nip this shit in the bud before your children are hearing comments about their skin or hair.

If your dad isn’t white you’re mixed race, even if you pass as white.

I've wondered about this in relation to my DD: I am white: her family is mixed on her dad's side: she certainly has some non-white blood but because her dad's family is vague and evasive about this its hard to be sure how much.

She has some contact with her dad's heritage but not much (for reasons largely to do with abuse). To all intents and purposes her heritage is much more "white" than BAME, and she looks pretty caucasian.

I talk to her about her (non English) heritage and encourage her to learn about it but its definitely less central to her identity than mine.

She's technically mixed heritage, I guess, but her lived experience is not really mixed heritage and I don't know how she would identify.

OP, there are two issues here.

1. Your FIL is racist.

2. If your father is not white, you are mixed race.

Of course you are. Even if you were 10% non-white, that would probably count as being mixed race (not sure if there’s a cut-off point).

I consider myself mixed race with one parent who isn’t white. He isn’t black either though. I pass as white, so I don’t really consider my children mixed race as they only have one grandparent who isn’t white.

To be honest my anger at the shit meme he sent was more over my sisters husband, my friends, my lovely ward manager, my sons beloved childminder and my nephew rather than me. That's who I think of first when I see racist bullshit.

Meghan Markle also looks white (if she didn't straighten her hair then her black side would show more), but as far as I know she identifies herself as mixed black and white, which is of course what she is.

It isn't only what you look like to other people (who can be damn judgemental I know from my own background often being told I should look more this, less that, speak with a certain foreign accent etc etc) but your actual heritage that counts.