To ask if I am mixed race?

[800caloriesofwine]

Such a strange question but here goes... I have had limited contact with my bio dad. I did a dna test and it came back I was about 70/30 white to black British.
I have always classed myself as white British, I can only speak from a white British point of view. However racism is everywhere at the moment. My FIL just sent me a particularly vile meme about black people, and I just sent back 'you know I'm mixed race right?' without thinking.
Now I feel like a fraud. I am barely mixed race. I have had none of the experiences (positive or negative) of being part of another culture. Am I lying to him and myself? Am I mixed race?
My dad is definitely not white passing. However I am. My mum and stepdad are so white and we look like a family.

Seconding that you don't need to explain it to him. At most, if you feel pushed, I'd leave it at 'on my father's side' or something like that.

Like you said, you are mixed, you just don't have the experiences of being obviously so to others - so I would think it fine in this sort of personal situation with someone being shite to mention it. A lot of those types think they just know. It's not like you were acting like your experience of being mixed is definitive or telling the rest of us how to feel.

That's how I explain it my kids - they can identify as mixed, that's who they are, but few people really see them that way and they can't think their experience of it or being the kid of an immigrant represents anyone else but themselves - so they can stand up for themselves, but not talk others' experiences of it down. Simple as that.

[quote 800caloriesofwine]@Boulshired I agree. That's why I feel conflicted. I should have just told him he was out of order. Regardless of any personal connection. That's why I feel like a fraud. Now I have to explain my tenuous ethnicity to him. And know that he is a secret racist.[/quote]
You don't have to explain anything to him. Regardless of your ethnicity, sending racist memes is a shitty thing to do anyway. Well done for calling him out on it.

I'm be annoyed if anyone was sending out racists memes regardless of what race I was.

Yes. And in that context, definitely.

It's not up to us or anybody else to define your heritage.

If you "look" white British (enough for people to send you vile memes) then people (black, white and mixed-race) may not "see" you as mixed-race- and black/mixed-race people may not feel you share their experience - although it doesn't mean you aren't. I hope that makes sense!

Sorry your FIL sent you that. I hope your response has him embarrassed

Yes, you are. Some mixed-race people do pass for white. Ross Barkley, who plays for Chelsea, for instance - his mum's white and his dad's black. And your FIL is a racist piece of shit and I don't care if people think I'm ~woke~ or whatever for saying this.

One of my parents is mixed race, therefore I am mixed race. My brother is dark, I look white, culturally we are mixed too.

Your FIL is a dick. I called an employee out on a racist comment by pointing out I was part Indian once. He won't do that again!

"justanotherneighinparadise

This sounds like the start of a purity spiral."

Do get to fuck you racism-apologist

Yes you are mixed race (though I've been told that 'mixed race' is not the correct terminology any more - it should be 'biracial'). So what? I am truly sorry your very ignorant father in law sent you a vile racist meme and I hope he suitably chastened. How old is he, 15? Cheeky sod.

Most importantly, you are you, your unique self. Who gives a flying f**k about race in a civilised society in this day and age? I'm annoyed with the man, glad I don't know him.

I don't think y0ou should worry about the reply in this much depth. I get what you are saying, that the reason is wrong but in fact the reply is perfect for shaming the twat. Don't feel bad.

I'm white my husband is mixed and our kids pass for white - they have the lightest skin and blue eyes compared to all their cousins on my husbands side so my kids do feel confused at times. I've told my kids they are mixed and that's the box I tick on forms.

And to the OP, you absolutely weren't wrong to point out to your FIL that you're mixed race - he needs to remember that real people are hurt by stupid memes, and it's also good to remind people that genetic inheritance isn't straightforward.

I am a mix of Viking, Saxon, Celt , Jewish

Technically you are mixed race.

But I hate all this having to identify -that is racist in itself. One box the human race. Sounds like he's a racist who will next be telling you his racist joke isn't meant to be anything but a joke. Twat. Time to go NC.

Technicially Im mixed race, but I look mostly white and refuse to buy in to wokeness and claim I'v been oppressed on racial grounds, because thats bullshit.
Good for you OP, resist victimhood.

@OP You are who you are, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone.
If a family member or friend upsets you let them know, if they don't care or are clearly doing it on purpose - stuff 'em, they are being provocative ignorant idiots. It doesn't have to be your place to teach them.

@GrumpyHoonMain and @HarryHarry, you are both right, and other people's behaviour does not change who we are or identify as. You may not have suffered as much discrimation or direct racism; but casual racism still hurts (even if it is to others). That is what Black Lives Matter is about.
More to the point, if you are able to have compassion for other people in a worse off situation without having to experience it yourself; you are clearly a decent and reasonable human being.

Fair enough if you want to describe yourself as mixed race, so long as you aren't trying to insert yourself into the Black Lives Matter movement. If three out of four of your grandparents are white, you have white skin and you grew up in a white family, then this isn't about you (which I'm sure from reading your posts your already understand).

I think so many different elements play a part in racial identity. There was a discussion a while ago about Halle Berry saying that her daughter was black when she was genetically three quarters white. I think having a parent of colour makes a big difference, you grow up watching their experiences of racism and prejudice, which in turn becomes your experience. I haven't had that. I get the odd comment about being tanned, and one person saying something about me being 'half caste' like it was 1954. I've never had to deal with racism.

I’ll play the devil’s advocate. If you’ve grown up looking and feeling, and being treated as white British then arguably you are white British! A bit like all the people who claim to have Irish heritage but have never set foot in the place. They’re not really Irish!!

Meghan markle is less black than you percentage wise and she's classed as mixed race

Technically, we are almost all mixed race in the UK. though many including me, are mostly European. My family are French, Spanish, English and German. I am not aware of other factors in the mix, but I am not unhappy to discover relatives from further afield.

I'm 1/2 Asian 1/2 white - I am white with blue eyes.
One of my kids is blonde.
I regard myself as mixed race but the only time it comes up as being relevant is when I donate blood.

We grew up in a very white rural area and witnessed a lot of racism towards our family.

As an adult it can be interesting to witness others being racist thinking they're among white/English. I've had the "oh you're different" when I've mentioned my own heritage.

My kids are about 6.25% African American (which in itself could mean any number of things genetically). One of them looks obviously mixed race, but it's not obvious what his mix is iyswim. Of the other two, one you'd think "ah, yes i can see that now" if i told you, and the other, well, she looks 100% caucasian. Genetics are weird.

@SummerDayWinterEvenings

Technically you are mixed race.

But I hate all this having to identify -that is racist in itself. One box the human race. Sounds like he's a racist who will next be telling you his racist joke isn't meant to be anything but a joke. Twat. Time to go NC.

I agree. I usually have to tick "other" anyway because my combination isn't listed.

You don’t owe your FIL anything at all OP and I hope your DP is disgusted.
I hope you figure out your identity - it’s for you and no one else to decide.