To choose my boyfriend for my bubble

[Mintychoc1]

I’m pretty sure I’m not being unreasonable, but I’m getting a verbal battering from my kids so I thought I’d ask here.

I’m a single mum, kids age 14 and 11, no contact with father ever.
I’m a GP so I’ve been working all through, and like many people I’ve found it very hard - working, home educating, getting food for my elderly mother etc.

The kids have had a tough time too - year 10 missing his friends, year 6 missing out on all the end of primary activities. Luckily both back at school now, although year 10 only one day a week.

They’ve got local friends so each time lockdown has eased slightly, they’ve been able to see more friends at the park, play football etc.

I have a partner who I’ve been with for 4 years, but we don’t live together. He lives alone. Committed relationship, we usually spend lots of time together, he comes on family holidays, the kids like him. We’ve been on 4 socially distanced walks (me and partner) in the past 4 weeks when that became allowed. But that’s it - no physical contact.

Now bubbles are allowed, and obviously I’m looking forward to finally having my boyfriend in the house, able to stay over .

Both kids say I’m selfish and that I should form a bubble with the family of one of their friends, so they could have a friend at the house. They never have friends at the house anyway - they’re lads - it’s all football outside, or Xbox games from their respective houses! But they genuinely think I’m being unreasonable and selfish.

Am I ?

Well, presumably they have separate friends so it wouldn't be particularly fair to pick one family as the other DC will still not be allowed a friend in the house.

Also, the rule is that a SINGLE PERSON LIVING ALONE can join a family bubble. That means your DP fits the bill, your kids friend don't

Obviously the children have wants and needs, but I don't think their desire to have a friend over for a sleepover comes close to your desire to have your chosen life partner back in your life.

You are not being selfish.

bluesuede
You are incorrect there.
It’s Single people or single parents.
But OP yanbu.
it’s not like he is a bloke you’ve been on a few dates with. He’s a big part of your life.

It's one single person added to a family unit. So you're kids can't have their friends in their bubble at the moment as it stands.

You are not being selfish at all.

What about your mum?

You should definitely have your boyfriend inside your circle.

Yanbu. Not at all.

They can meet their friends to play football still.

Ah ok, maybe I have it wrong... but I would have thought it means that OP can go to the chosen family's home, not have one member coming over?

I stand by comment about separate friends though. How would you choose which child gets to pick a friend?

You can't form a bubble with another family, only a single person can form a bubble with another household - so your boyfriend counts, but children's friends family doesn't.

Yanbu

You can't pick one child over the other and the bubble policy is so that adults in your shoes benefit.

What about your mum?
🙄

I thought it was just single person households not single adult households

Of course yanbu!
And you can explain that the only reason you can form a bubble is because you are a single adult, living alone. It is not designed to increase children's contact with friends.

As a parent I know how much kids need their friends but they can now play outside and in gardens. I can't believe you are even questioning this he is your partner you need to get reunited again

@Nacknick

What about your mum?

Do you know the OP? Her mum may live at the other end of the country, or may have died. What about her dad, doesn't he matter as much as her mum? I'm sure the OP is capable of choosing who she should let join her family bubble, without some random stranger making suggestions of who they think it should be.

CornerOfTheSky

You can't form a bubble with another family, only a single person can form a bubble with another household

Not correct. A single parent household with children under 18 can form a bubble with one other household. So that could be another family. The 2 households then act as one household e.bg if one person shows symptoms then all people in both households must self isolate for 14 days.

@Disquieted1

You should definitely have your boyfriend inside your circle.

You filthy beast!

Tbh it would be odd if it was one of their bfs / gfs over your bf but their mates?? Hey random Mom I don't know, can we be cuddle bubble pals cos the boys really need to sit closer than 6ft from each other.

The only other person I'd expect you to consider if your Mom

The OP is a single adult in the household, so they can form a bubble.

However if there possibly was a family that had children both your kids got along with that might have been nice.

I see most people have said YANBU though.

FFS, This is not even worth the discussion. He is your PARTNER. I don't know why there is even a discussion. Your kids FRIENDS do not supersede yourPARTNER. Please, just be the parent and tell them that you are including your partner and for them to hush up.

Point out that they can interact with their friends virtually but you can't have sex with your partner virtually. Might shut them up

If there is a family which happens to consist of a friend for both of your DCs, plus an adult you are friendly with, the absolutely they'd be the right choice. I doubt that's the case though.

I would try to be able with someone close to the whole family rather than someone just close to you. So if it's practical, I'd probably choose grandparents, or aunt, uncle and cousins over your boyfriend.

There isn’t family that contains a friend for both of them.

My Mum is shielding and therefore can’t be included as far as I’m aware. Although my risk is minimal as we wear PPE at work, I still wouldn’t want to risk her coming close to me and the kids even if it was allowed.

I have no grandparents, aunts or uncles. My Dad is shielding and lives in another country. My cousin is an alcoholic and lives 200 miles away, and is drunk all the time anyway. I have no siblings.