To choose my boyfriend for my bubble

[Mintychoc1]

I’m pretty sure I’m not being unreasonable, but I’m getting a verbal battering from my kids so I thought I’d ask here.

I’m a single mum, kids age 14 and 11, no contact with father ever.
I’m a GP so I’ve been working all through, and like many people I’ve found it very hard - working, home educating, getting food for my elderly mother etc.

The kids have had a tough time too - year 10 missing his friends, year 6 missing out on all the end of primary activities. Luckily both back at school now, although year 10 only one day a week.

They’ve got local friends so each time lockdown has eased slightly, they’ve been able to see more friends at the park, play football etc.

I have a partner who I’ve been with for 4 years, but we don’t live together. He lives alone. Committed relationship, we usually spend lots of time together, he comes on family holidays, the kids like him. We’ve been on 4 socially distanced walks (me and partner) in the past 4 weeks when that became allowed. But that’s it - no physical contact.

Now bubbles are allowed, and obviously I’m looking forward to finally having my boyfriend in the house, able to stay over .

Both kids say I’m selfish and that I should form a bubble with the family of one of their friends, so they could have a friend at the house. They never have friends at the house anyway - they’re lads - it’s all football outside, or Xbox games from their respective houses! But they genuinely think I’m being unreasonable and selfish.

Am I ?

@strugglingwithdeciding

I thought rule was a single adult

No, single adults or households headed by a single parents where the kids are under 18. So OP as a single parents can cuddle bubble with whomever she likes as long as its one household.

They do like him, they were both very happy when they heard he could come round, until they realised we couldn’t have a bubble each!

YANBU.

As others have pointed out, the 'bubble' is a two way commitment so you and them join as one household unit and you can only bubble with one other household at the moment. Their friends' families might not want to choose yours for several reasons including that they may have other people they want to 'bubble up with now', or if they are looking to the future are worried that bubbling up with you might prevent them from bubbling up with other family members they'd choose above you in the future (e.g. grandparents) if any further easements were announced.

You are the adult in this situation. The rule has been made for you, not them, and their friends in two parent families won't even have this choice at their disposal so neither should they.

This seems like a no brainer to me. The situation is designed to benefit single adults in households not be a kiddie friending device. Your kids are being silly but maybe you should just have told them what was happening and laughed when they said they thought it was so kids could have friends round. As an essential worker they should be able to go to school

As many have said, they can make bubbles with kids from other households anyway so it's not up for debate. Enjoy your boyfriend!

They wouldn’t be getting a bubble if you weren’t single, it’s your single status that has brought a bubble into the equation.

I dont understand why you only get 1 day a week schooling for them as an essential worker. Are you not in the UK or in an unusual area? I'm a GP and colleagues have had full time school jours for their kids if they want

Hours

I think it sounds like your kids don't love your boyfriend as much as you think they do (which seems pretty common) so they would obviously rather have their mates round.

If there isn't a family that matches the kids friends (if that makes sense) then just have your boyfriend round and tell them it's the fairest way, it is your choice after all.

YANBU.
Bubble up with DP. Finally have a well deserved shag!

The kids are getting to socialise at school & presumably online...they will be fine.

Your kids should be eligible for full time key workers places at school, OP.

What is a support bubble?

A bubble is defined as a group of people with whom you have close physical contact.

From Saturday, in England, single adults living alone - or single parents whose children are under 18 - can form a support bubble with one other household.
The second household can be of any size.
Nobody who is shielding should join a bubble.

The independent advisory group Sage has been asked to examine if, when and how people might safely be allowed to expand their bubbles.
The idea was introduced in New Zealand and is being considered by the Scottish government.

What are the support bubble rules?

Support bubbles must be "exclusive". Once in one, you can't switch and start another with a different household.
People in each bubble can visit each other's homes and go inside.
They won't have to stay 2m (6ft) apart and can even stay overnight.
Anyone in the bubble contacted as part of England's test and trace programme must stay at home. If they develop coronavirus symptoms, everyone in the bubble must self-isolate.

HTH

Of course YANBU. On any level.

Its not about children. Its about the mental health of single adults. YANBU

I can’t believe this is even be asked, of course you should have your BF round! You are the adult and parent who provides for your DC, they do not get to decide something like this. To have the nerve to call you selfish I would be having some serious words with them, clearly no respect. If they want to have a strop about it thats their problem but calling their own mother selfish is not acceptable.

Op this is really a short term issue - can't you explain to your kids that by July we will have larger 'bubbles' anyway - this isn't it now for life! They can play in the street in the park in your garden - I think it's pretty shocking they would expect you to put your relationship on hold...though I suppose its not kids jobs to think of our needs!

Yes OP your kids are being very unreasonable and selfish! And for many reasons mentioned above it wouldn't even be possible or practical to choose a friend's family for the bubble.

Choose your DP and don't think twice about it.

I really thought they were going to say form a bubble with your mum/ their grandma... But with a mate so they can play computer games? Nope. Especially as four years is a decent length of relationship.

It shouldn't have even been up for any kind of discussion. You as the single person, the parent, the adult, the one who pays the fucking bills to keep a roof over their heads, gets to decide. End of. Why would you even let them think it wouldn't be your choice?

It shouldn't have even been up for any kind of discussion. You as the single person, the parent, the adult, the one who pays the fucking bills to keep a roof over their heads, gets to decide. End of. Why would you even let them think it wouldn't be your choice?

100%! Shouldn’t have even got to a point of discussion. No wonder so many kids are selfish and entitled if they are brought up to think they have any sort of say in something like there own mums sex life!