Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose my boyfriend for my bubble

70 replies

Mintychoc1 · 12/06/2020 17:33

I’m pretty sure I’m not being unreasonable, but I’m getting a verbal battering from my kids so I thought I’d ask here.

I’m a single mum, kids age 14 and 11, no contact with father ever.
I’m a GP so I’ve been working all through, and like many people I’ve found it very hard - working, home educating, getting food for my elderly mother etc.

The kids have had a tough time too - year 10 missing his friends, year 6 missing out on all the end of primary activities. Luckily both back at school now, although year 10 only one day a week.

They’ve got local friends so each time lockdown has eased slightly, they’ve been able to see more friends at the park, play football etc.

I have a partner who I’ve been with for 4 years, but we don’t live together. He lives alone. Committed relationship, we usually spend lots of time together, he comes on family holidays, the kids like him. We’ve been on 4 socially distanced walks (me and partner) in the past 4 weeks when that became allowed. But that’s it - no physical contact.

Now bubbles are allowed, and obviously I’m looking forward to finally having my boyfriend in the house, able to stay over .

Both kids say I’m selfish and that I should form a bubble with the family of one of their friends, so they could have a friend at the house. They never have friends at the house anyway - they’re lads - it’s all football outside, or Xbox games from their respective houses! But they genuinely think I’m being unreasonable and selfish.

Am I ?

OP posts:
lostguider · 12/06/2020 18:31

Hasn’t shielding been lifted?

BendingSpoons · 12/06/2020 18:31

I think you should have your boyfriend. He is a far closer link than a friend of theirs. Also you are allowed someone else in the bubble as a single parent, so it is really designed for you as support/contact. If your boyfriend lived with you then you wouldn't be allowed to expand your bubble. Plus as you say, having their friends round inside the house won't add as much as presumably having your bf round will to you.

Aragog · 12/06/2020 18:34

Hasn’t shielding been lifted?

No. But shielding people can now leave the house to walk with one other person outside their household for exercise, with a 2m distance.

Original poster
Mintychoc1 · 12/06/2020 18:34

lostguider no shielding is still going on, originally till the end of June, but it’ll be extended.

OP posts:
Aragog · 12/06/2020 18:34

And yes, of course your boyfriend should come before one of their mates.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/06/2020 18:36

I don't imagine that their friend's family particularly want to pick you to form a bubble with, they will likely have their own loved ones.

Of course you should have your boyfriend. I'm afraid the dc will have to like it or lump it!

Lindy2 · 12/06/2020 18:38

You're the adult. You get to pick who can come into your household. It clearly makes sense to be your partner.

300XLTriColour · 12/06/2020 18:38

How weird would it be to suggest to your dc’s friend’s family that you’d like to be in their bubble?? They’d think you were mad surely? Might they not all have their own single relatives or adult friends they’d like to include in their bubble?!

Not that I’d entertain this in any way shape or form. Your kids are being selfish and your partner gets to join your bubble. The end.

livefornaps · 12/06/2020 18:40

What the fuck! Have your boyfriend.

xxxemzyxxx · 12/06/2020 19:02

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Have your boyfriend over, they can and have been going to see their friends outside. I imagine your BF is like family, that should take priority over their friends.

As other posters have said, it is a singular person who can join a family unit so their friends families are out of the question anyway. And their friends families I would think have other people prioritised.

I know they’re kids, but they are the ones who are being selfish, and quite frankly old enough to know otherwise.

hammeringinmyhead · 12/06/2020 19:06

I don't imagine that their friend's family particularly want to pick you to form a bubble with, they will likely have their own loved ones.

Thid was my thought. Just tell your sons that whichever family they mean is likely to pair up with nan or uncle Stephen or whoever.

Pipandmum · 12/06/2020 19:09

You are the adult here and you get to decide. When your kids are old enough to run and support their own households then they can make their own choices.

hammeringinmyhead · 12/06/2020 19:10

A single person with children can join another household of any size. Why is everyone saying that you can't?

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2020 19:13

@livefornaps

What the fuck! Have your boyfriend.
Literally. Send the kids out to state at their friends from afar and enjoy.
SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2020 19:14

@lostguider

Hasn’t shielding been lifted?
End of month at best, assuming they dint extend. We're just now "allowed" outside
16943389ao · 12/06/2020 19:19

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable. The whole reason this was introduced was for the benefit of adults who are the only adult in the house which is why it only applies to single adult households. As hard as it is for teenagers and children the changing of the rules isn’t for their benefit it’s for yours so you have some adult company and in your case so you can see your partner.

Meredithgrey1 · 12/06/2020 19:23

Would any of their friend's families even want this? They may have grandparents/other family members they would prefer. Or may prefer not to join a bubble with anyone because they worry about the risk. If you're not particularly good friends with any of the parents in these families then I don't see why they'd pick you (just like you didn't pick them).

Yesmate · 12/06/2020 19:27

A single adult household can join another household.
That household can have more than one adult.
You are making one big household although living separately.
You can join with another single adult household instead.
I don’t understand why people not understand.
If you are a single adult household you can choose ANY other household to “join”. Tithe only rule is it has to be exclusive.

CecilyP · 12/06/2020 19:27

Although the PM didn't spell this out in so many words, (it was 5 pm in the afternoon after all) I am sure your situation was a major one the government was thinking about when this bubble consession was anounced. Of course you are not being unreasonable.

The fact that there is no situation that would enable you to accommodate friends of both boys makes you even more reasonable. What you are proposing is a no-brainer.

FluffyKittensinabasket · 12/06/2020 19:28

Why get so overwrought? Do what you want. Just don’t post on Mumsnet. Wink

Can’t be bothered with this bubbles nonsense.

elephantmonkeys · 12/06/2020 19:32

The change in legislation is to help lonely adults, ie you! Sometimes as a single parent you need to put yourself first, in order to continue doing the best for your kids. Don't let the mum guilt in!

Samtsirch · 12/06/2020 19:46

You are not being selfish or unreasonable.
Your mental health and happiness is of equal importance.

MorganKitten · 12/06/2020 19:54

I don’t think your children like him, if they did they wouldn’t mind.

blubellsarebells · 12/06/2020 20:34

Your kids are being selfish.
One of them would miss out anyway so whats the point.
This change wasn't designed for kids it was for people like you and your boyfriend.
I'd start issuing sanctions if they keep mentioning it.
I'd also be wondering if maybe they dont like the boyfriend as much as you thought.

strugglingwithdeciding · 12/06/2020 20:58

I thought rule was a single adult