DS coming downstairs on his own?

[chihuahualady]

Not really an aibu but interested in what other parents think.

DS 3 has been coming downstairs on his for the past two weeks and putting the tele on usually helps him self to a piece of fruit as well.He comes down about 6:30 me and OH and DD usually wake up around 8-:8:30.

I'm fine with it but just wondering what other parents do, would you wake up with him and go down? I'm just no good when I'm tired so that extra 2 hours is needed.

Absolutely not. 3 is way too young for a child to be unsupervised downstairs for 2 hours!

My twins are also 3, and while I like to think they are reasonably sensible, they are also 3 year olds. And 3 year olds do stupid and dangerous stuff.

Mine are now of an age where I'm comfortable letting them wander off upstairs to their rooms to play for a little while, when I'm pottering downstairs. But I'm still checking on them every 15 mins or so.

But 2 hours while I'm unconscious in another part of the house? Presumably behind a closed bedroom door as well? No chance.

@chihuahualady what I mean is it's not like you are watching him when he is downstairs. It's a bit late to rewatch if he chokes on something isn't it!

Your three-year-old does the dishwasher ? WTF have I just read ?

I don't think it's fair for everyone to pile in and criticise the op so harshly, regardless if they think she is wrong. It does sound like a long time to be left unsupervised, but there are kinder ways of telling the op this.

I think your DS is too young to be left along for that length of time. Is he at nursery at all, and if so could you maybe have a nap during the day instead?

Honestly I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew DS was downstairs alone, he gets into all sorts of trouble while I'm around to supervise but he is younger so I can't really speak from experience.

I honestly don’t know how some people have children and think this sort of shit is ok.

My very sensible almost-6 year old just started doing this, but not to eat anything - just comes down and watches telly, probably for an hour max until the rest of us wake up.

If you are watching him on a camera why not get up with him?

This is a hell no from me. DD is a couple of months off 7 and if she's up I'm up, admittedly I do think she would be fine now to go down & watch tv etc alone and partly the reason I get up with her is because I'm awake early anyway but no way would I of left her at 3 especially not for that long either.

TellerTuesday4EVA the op said in pp that she isnt lying awake watching her DC, she is asleep and wakes 2hrs later. No idea how she knows how long he has been up for tbh unless the camera is on record

^^I should say as well, our house is tiny with no doors between upstairs and downstairs - if I lean out of our bedroom and look over the bannister I can see him. All the doors are locked and keys out of reach and he knows to shout us if anyone knocks on the door (not that anyone ever does at 6am)

Disgusting that you are your partner laze in bed while a preschooler is roaming around the house, going in the fridge and feeding himself! Anything could happen. You need to report yourself to social services, poor little boy!

@bloodyhellsbellsx laze in bed? Have you even bothered to read the thread.

He's been going to nursery since he was 1 and a half you really think I haven't got up before 8 before. He usually starts nursery at 8!

Yeah I have RTFT, just because you have a condition it’s still wrong to leave a young child alone for that length of time.

OP you are getting a rough time about your health issues but I think the takeaways here are:

• new stair gate
• noisy bell on his door that will wake you when he comes out
• maybe grow clock and rules to encourage him to stay in his room until 7
• work on your own sleep routine/habits to try and get to bed earlier

Maybe your DH can get up with him on days off so you can catch up.

Again, how old is your child that goes to bed at 1am?!

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland I'm not looking for sympathy it's fine. I agree we need a new stair gate though one which is more complicated.

We definitely do not laze it up in bed! I don't expect OH to get up after having 3 hours sleep.Absolutely ridiculous I've been a mum for 4 years 2 kids you think I'm not used to not sleeping. DS sleeping pattern has changed he has started getting up earlier and we don't hear him going down and as I said he doesn't come into our room and get into bed anymore. He grabs his juice and tablet and will sit on the sofa and watch his programmes.

@summerfruitssquash she is 1 nearly 2 she has stopped napping throughout the day too and is refusing to go down at night.

The app is on my phone so when I wake up i usually rewind back to when he comes down in the morning to see what he's been doing.

Does the rewind button also let you go back in time? Otherwise I have no idea in what way this would be useful after an accident has happened. I’m sure it wouldn’t be fun viewing either.
You’ve been incredibly irresponsible OP, I can’t believe after all that’s been said you’re trying to talk yourself out rather than accept responsibility. You don’t leave your toddler alone for two and half hours to roam around the house - it’s just common sense. You’ve got the response you’ve had because it’s basic parenting.

You read this thread, then you read the one about how did mother's used to cope, with 8 year olds who were an active part of helping in the household, ran errands and did chores , went to do shopping and were generally capable from a young age.

Then on this thread, they're not allowed downstairs on their own. The mind absolutely boggles as to why an 8 year old can't be allowed to go downstairs and watch TV until their parents wake up. 3 is too young, but setting cameras and alarms for 7 and 8 year olds when playing upstairs during the day is absolutely fucking crazy.

Some of you need to have a long hard look at what you're doing raising your children with so little trust and freedom that they can't even go downstairs in their own house without mummy and daddy.

I think letting a 3 year old downstairs on their own is better than NOT letting an 8 year old. I mean , seriously.... I can't get over this. They're 8 bloody years old?! Not allowed downstairs on their own!?

Chewchew

My 3 year old can roam around the house at will when an adult is awake and alert. It matters because I can verbally check he's ok regularly and would be in a position to promptly call 999 in case of an emergency. If asleep 2 hours is a long time for a 3 or 4 year old not to be attended to by an adult.

Yes it's unlikely, but theres a reason some supervision is required where preschoolers are concerned.

I feel very sad for the three year old who has been watching two hours of tv every morning. You are at great danger of neglect , it’s a formative age and that routine is very detrimental to it.

I’m really curious as to how he is so self sufficient. Does he “do” the dishwasher with you or without you? When does he tidy his room?

It’s very normal for a child to do these activities alongside you in an imitation way, but knives, crockery and glass wear being stacked and put away, I just can’t imagine.

What’s the rest of your day like when you’re very tired and I assume your husband is sleeping in preparation for night shift?

Far too much back tracking and drip feeding here from the OP.
Fact is this.... your 3 year old is in danger if harming himself downstairs whilst you continue to sleep upstairs.
Regardless of how great he is at loading the dishwasher 🙄
I genuinely despair for this poor child. You ARE NOT a responsible parent to condone this in any way at all.
Just get up for gods sake.

This is neglect pure and simple. I dont know why a pp has implied its similar to going to the toilet or a shower whilst your kids occupied. It isnt. 2 hoursalone is neglect and as others have said choking is silent. Ive seen it happen 4 times to 4 different people so i dont know what mumsnets obsession is that choking is rare and will never happen to them. Anything could happe. You should know this is wrong simply for the fact if something did happen and ds ended in hospital the police and social services would be involved wanting to know why a child of 3 was alone with 3 hours. And the fact op has trained her kid to do it by premaking his drink and showing him how to get it from the fridge. And if your health is that bad then dp needs to quit his nightshifts and take over the care or you need an outsise agency in for the safety of your child.