People who completely miss the point ...

[MadameBee]

ARGH..

I have to have a teeny rant here as I cannot say anything in RL because in this instance it would be insensitive.

Friend (she is white which is relevant) on FB has “updated” her profile picture on FB with a photo of herself and her baby who very sadly died shortly after his birth, with the overlay “all lives matter”.

This isn’t what this is about 😤😤

Thanks 👍🏻

Is she a real life friend or just one of many people added on Facebook? If she's the former then maybe have a conversation with her in real life about BLM? If as you say you believe she's ignorant rather than racist maybe she would benefit from some input from your perspective on BLM. Maybe separately have a conversation about her child? We often hear of the anguish parents feel that no one talks about their dead child. Maybe she's grieving and clumsily conflated the two. Alternatively unfollow her or delete her from FB.

I agree with you, OP.

She can post about her baby and her grief without resorting to offensive slogans used to undermine a minority group's protest/movement.

Why is it a challenge?

Why can't you just have a conversation with your friend about something that you feel strongly about?

Off social media, friend to friend.

People who use the "All lives matter" slogan don't support the BLM movement

Even if they are completely misinterpreting the point of it due to a grief addled state which makes them interpret it in terms of their loss?

All lives matter’ is used for the specific purpose of discrediting and undermining the BLM movement
But it is also picked up by people who are simply not very well educated or informed, or who put minimum thought into the topic, and who think it is a reasonable point. Some just need it explaining to them.

@BashSteetKid

That's an untrue statement, in my opinion.

I don’t think this was racist, just an expression of the grief and sense of loss she is evidently still feeling. Yes, it was an inappropriate/ insensitive choice of language at the moment, but nothing to get steamed up about, except by the sort of person endlessly looking for something to be outraged at, or offended by.

"Black lives matter" is a sort of shorthand for myriad issues, including "please stop systemic racism which facilitates the killing and brutalising of black people". Your friend is as wrong to use the ALM slogan as she would be to write "please stop systemic racism which facilitates the killing and brutalising of black children and my child".

That's why it both makes no sense and is tasteless. But obviously this is a private thought, I wouldn't share it on her post! It does seem very common for people who've experienced something life-changing, like death of a loved one, to feel as if every subsequent mention of that thing is directed to them or part of their experience, and I sympathise somewhat with that feeling, but it really is not always about them.

Or is OP not talking about People who completely miss the point after all? And instead talking about people who deliberately undermine the BLM movement? If so, why the thread title?

Wow you sound completely insensitive.

Not everyone supports what the BLM has become and they are entitled to their own views.

I don’t know maybe I am being disingenuous and she’s just a bit ignorant and has jumped on a bandwagon which we can all be guilty of doing without thinking it through.

nothing to get steamed up about, except by the sort of person endlessly looking for something to be outraged at, or offended by

Or maybe someone with mixed race kids whose lives may well be effected by systematic institutional racism?

A lot of people misread BLM to mean BL "matter more". That is totally not the point. Some people hold the view that all lives matter, especially NOW during a serious pandemic and now is not the time to be protesting.
Some people hold the view that BL will never M. Which is the racist view?
People stating all lives matter, mean exactly that, black lives, white lives, all lives. Just like BLM doesn't mean BLM more!
Don't be so judgmental. People are entitled to their views, unless of course they fall into the racist view, when we should shout them out and shame them into change.

But it is also picked up by people who are simply not very well educated or informed, or who put minimum thought into the topic, and who think it is a reasonable point. Some just need it explaining to them

Good point.

The movement should be called WLMM - because white lives do matter more in western society - unfortunately.

Actually I think that this only confirms my view that what NO movement should ignore is that people - including those you hope to be on your side, that you hope are good and kind and caring people who wish no ill to anyone - carry their own pains and understanding to words and events.

Hers comes from a fucking horrible, destroying experience. Once, when I was suffering a loss, I went apeshit at my mum for warning me of 'really sad news' - about a building being destroyed in a storm. Because the words 'really sad news' made me terrified that I'd lost someone else, and that I'd face all that pain again.

No movement is bigger than what goes on in someone's own personal life (in fact, as a historian, I know how VERY important the intersection of personal and public is).

No movement that predicates itself on the global population (one undergoing a pandemic) subsuming their own feelings, beliefs and responses to The Cause, completely and utterly without deviation from the approved narrative, will ever succeed in its aims.

In brief - do you want Black lives to really matter, or do you want to be a twat about semantics to someone whose private pain isn't compatible with your slogan?

What have we come to if we can't show a bit of compassion and understanding to the parent of a dead child.

I don’t know maybe I am being disingenuous and she’s just a bit ignorant and has jumped on a bandwagon which we can all be guilty of doing without thinking it through. Maybe watching a film of someone dying and calling out for their mother was quite traumatic for her, her baby could call out in words but it still might be triggering for her.

If you can't be supportive you should really leave her alone.

crazy to be offended. no offence but if my child died I dont think I'd care very much about a lot else, much less your opinion on what I can and cant post on social media. cant think of many worse things to experience, I think it's really cruel on your behalf to find this irritating and to pick apart whether or not it was manipulative. Shame on you and all those who agreed

@thecatsthecats 🙌🙌

But don’t use your dead child to almost shield your views and stop anyone challenging you.

Yep. She's made an All Lives Matter post that she knows not everyone will be comfortable with, and made it impossible for anyone to engage her on it.

And I think that calling her grief addled 15 years on, is a bit patronising. I doubt that she's lost all reason and logic in that time.

@1forsorrow OP IS leaving her alone. She's made that very clear. She has come here, to an anonymous forum, to discuss her feelings. She is not going to engage with her friend. And she's being jumped on by people who are having a knee jerk reaction to a post they couldn't even be bothered to read properly.

I agree with you OP. Naturally she is still grieving for her baby, but she shouldn't hijack a movement which is finally giving a voice to people who have been oppressed and mistreated for centuries.

Sara you have no idea what this person is experiencing or how their grief would have affected their lives. how very callous of you

do posters on here honestly think for a second this movement would mean more to her than her child? deluded