8 year old DD doesn’t want to do schoolwork

[Littleblackdress04]

My 8 year old DD hasn’t wanted to do any school work during this time and gets very upset about it. She reads to herself when she wants & draws etc but doesn’t want to do formal work. I haven’t pushed it partly because I am also working full time but it’s just making me feel a failure too. I don’t have any mental capacity to do stuff with her either as my job is exhausting at home as is just keeping the kids fed etc.

I am worried though - aibu to feel so bad that she’s just missing so much- I just can’t get my head into it either after working - I’d rather go out for a walk with the kids

It’s really getting me down

My 9 year old doesn't either. He loves school, just doesn't want to be taught by his parents.

We make him do the maths and English work. Just for the discipline of working really, don't think he is learning anything.

If we let him stop, his sister would kick off.

I share your pain. I'm also wfh full time.

If it makes you feel any better my kids (9 and 6) aren’t doing any school work either. They’re bright and generally do well at school, I don’t think a few months of reading/drawing/playing will do them any harm.
We’re finding documentaries to watch, trying to make time for lots of conversation and encouraging them to learn about whatever they’re interested in.

Sorry but I think you need to at least do maths and sciences. Last three months, the 8 year olds should have learned fractions and they should be learning about angles now. They’re not going to “just pick that up” and if everyone else in their class has been doing the school work - then they’re going to be feeling completely lost when the next year builds up on what they’re meant to already know.

Sorry, but she's 8 - you're the boss and she should be doing schoolwork.

@nekoness the school haven’t sent any science to the kids. They have just sent a grid each week that kids can dip in and out of if they want and my DD doesn’t really want to.

I also just don’t have the space mentally to teach her science as extra

Our 8y/o DD is also refusing to do anything unless we literally sit with her & coach her through every damn line of it. Plus theres 2-3 HOURS of tantrums & crying beforehand as she doesn't want to do it... she will read (we've bought her more books, & been buying more comics etc than usual), & she has been doing arty stuff like collages, drawings etc. But she's done about 5 or 6 pieces of actual homework. I can't sit with her as I'm disabled & in horrendous pain; my hospital treatment clinic was due in April & was cancelled & now I'm in bed and/or spaced out on painkillers most days. DH is dealing with everything else, including walking to the supermarket twice a week as we don't have a car (and also has limited mobility & pain).

@PrettyTricky I don’t have the mental energy to argue with an upset child at the moment while working 40 hours a week at home

@PrettyTricky - that is so helpful. Really constructive. Thanks.

I leave a short list of homework in my son’s room and tell him its up to him if he does it - bit if its not done by a certain time then he doesn’t get any screens that day. That is the only thing that motivates him to do it.

My 8 year old is exactly the same. Between his resistance to do anything and me working full time from home we have gradually let things slide. He does watch educational TV shows (Bitesize and such like), he reads, draws, and does handwriting practice along with basic maths questions every day. But the modules they should have been learning at school like fractions have sadly been given up on. I just don't have the time to sit and watch a lesson and then relay the information back to him. I'm not a teacher.

I suspect there will be many children and parents in the same boat and there will hopefully be some contingency plans to help them catch up eventually.

Don’t be hard on yourself. This whole situation is crap. My DS, 10, is doing work, but reluctantly. Every single day is a battle and, because of his poor attitude, he isn’t really learning that much. We’ve had a few arguments about it.
I hate every day and want to give up and I’m a teacher - a very good one! You’d think a teacher would be managing well in this situation wouldn’t you? I can get a class of 30 children of wide ranging abilities to listen well, enjoy their learning and make good progress, but I struggle with my own son (have a 5 year old too, but I’m not worried about him).
Thing is, I know how much I’m struggling with this situation: working from home when I’m not in school trying my best to set and mark work for my class, worrying about the children who aren’t engaging, all the hate directed at teachers on social media (why, why do I read it?), the boredom of every single day that is the same as the day before, missing all my normal activities, never having any time to myself, feeling tearful all the time like I’m depressed. I am struggling and it doesn’t matter how I try to pull myself together, I just want this to be over - I can’t just be positive and upbeat.
So, I just try to tell myself he’s struggling too. He misses his friends. He doesn’t want his mum to be his teacher. I’m going to persist with getting him to do stuff, because I am worried about his education, but I don’t want to ruin my relationship with him - it’s not worth it. I’m going to do some baking with them today ( but then I’m lucky here - I’m part time so I’m not working today).
You say your daughter is reading a lot. That’s great. Nothing will improve her learning more than improving her reading. Reading stories to her is a great way to help her progress as well. My son likes reading too and I hold onto this - it’s a real positive.
Perhaps you could try a reward chart and she could do Oak academy online. The maths is worth doing. Also BBC bitesize is fun with cute videos and short activities. My son will do Oak Academy because he’s listening to ‘a teacher’, ie not me! It has a well defined end point, so he knows it will be over and he can get away.
As a teacher, my advice would be prioritise reading and maths. Reading a lot will improve her writing in the long run. As a mum, I would say, prioritise your relationship and the mental health of you and your daughter.
It’s shit isn’t it? But it won’t last forever.

You can get curriculum workbooks online - I ordered from amazon. It’s really helped clarify things for us. We’re not wading through the schoolwork sent (I’ve found that too much to oversee on top of working) we are sitting down and going through a page or two in the book every day - they’re like tests/exercises, DC writes in the book. I know it’s an expense but actually fairly cheap.

Also they watch the BBC bite Lessons size every day.

Times tables rockstars is cheap to sign up to, and karate cats maths and English online are fun free games.

But I agree you shouldn’t worry, their mental health is more important and so is yours.

I'm furloughed so not working at all, husband WFH but picking up bits of homeschooling too, all the resources etc and I can tell you that getting my 8 year old to do anything is so hard! We have resorted to bribary.

No idea how you can do it and work. You have my sympathy.

Can you sit her next to do and do some BBC bitesize each day?

*BBC bitesize lessons

I'm in the same boat as you op. My ds 8 started off not too bad and sid all his work set each week. However the last 2-3 weeks has been very difficult. He's loss all interest. I feel like a broken record going on all the time. It doesn't help that I'm working from home and dh is still going onto work so we haven't got the time to sit there with him encouraging him, Only on evenings and weekends. I tell this to the school when they ring. I'm on annual leave next week so I'm hoping we will get more done. Don't even mention my 6 year old. We're in Wales so schools are due back 29th June but not sure if that will end up happening or not.

Worksheets aren’t going to teach an eight year old much. It’s a fantastic opportunity for them to learn in other ways.
Use less static ways of developing skills and knowledge.
Gardening
Baking
Sewing
Art and craft
Walks and treasure hunts
Play
Writing to family or cards for neighbours
Pen pal letters to school friends or cousins
A journal.

@SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness I'm sorry I hit a nerve with you and that you're struggling. However, i really don't understand why parents are pandering to the tantrums of their kids over this. It's not a holiday, there still needs to be schoolwork done, end of bloody story. When did our kids become the ones dictating to us?

I’ve been having success with the following -
Maths Factor
read along with some David Walliams and YouTube. She has her own copy of the books.
More reading
Bbcbitesize and oak academy. Just log in and let her explore.
Documentaries. All the Blue Planet and other David Attenborough ones.

I wouldn't stress too much about it but I would try to do a small amount everyday even if its 10 mins.

My daughter logs into skype each morning and does her work with her 2 best friends.

I think it also helps we haven't missed a day since lockdown, she thinks schoolwork isn't optional.

I realise my daughter is quite studious and this approach wouldn't suit all children.

My 9 year old wouldn't do any either if we let him! We tried the full school day to start with and quickly realised it wasn't going to work. Now we've compromised on an hour's maths in the morning and an hour English or reasoning in the afternoon. And he still complains but at least he's getting something done.... so maybe try to break it into two small sessions like that? And you can test on times tables any time, meal times etc?

Our school has said that they will catch them up next year on bits of the curriculum that have been missed this year, and if they are resistant to work, just focus on some times tables and reading. Don't worry too much - they will be learning lots just by playing, going for walks and whatever interests them. My son happily spent nearly 2 hours on google earth the other day, zooming in on different countries and landmarks!

I just told DD she's doing some school work today she immediately announced she didn't feel well. I said she felt fine before, when she was spreading toys everywhere, & eating chocolate spread on toast. At which point she threw herself on the floor & started tantrumming, again. So I sent her to her room to calm down. It really shouldn't take 4 years & still not have a diagnosis on whether she's autistic (if she had a diagnosis she'd be in the damn school with a routine!)

I've just told her I'm going to get dressed (still in lots of pain so I'm not dressed yet). If her toys are all over the floor when I come down they will be binned & I've told her so. And I'm not joking. Absolutely got to the end now.

I think my threats have got through to DH & DD - they are sitting upstairs doing maths. I am going to watch some of the BBC bitesize stuff to do with DD later (I have memory loss so will struggle if I only see it once, I probably need to write some stuff down TBH). And I need to batch cook as at least I'm not stuck in bed today. So far. DH would just eat fried crap & freezer food forever, a recipe for morbid obesity if you're 5'2" & in chronic pain.

We need to get DD a proper tablet. So expensive. Sigh. Any suggestions?

You need to be honest with yourself.

Is it:
a: Your daughter really doesn't want to do the work?
b: You don't want to do the work of making her?

One of you is being lazy here. Which one is it?

If DD daughter doesn't go back to school until September, she'll have missed 4 months of formal learning. Almost half a school year. You need to ask yourself how okay with that you are, and with the possibility of her being half a school year behind when she returns.

If she just did a workbook page of maths, and one of English a day, that would be better than nothing.

You are the adult here. You decide what happens.

I know it's rough, you're tired and stressed out. But EVERYONE is tired and stressed out at the moment. But that's not an excuse to give up on managing your DD.

My 11 yr old is not doing much, but has made their own little website with pictures they made and done a bit of coding as that us what they enjoy. Maybe just going with their interests would help. Also some maths sites can be interactive which they can quite like.