To freak out about lubricant

[Anxietyandme]

Husband and I are TTC. In the moment we stupidly reached for lubricant. I am pretty sure I am pregnant now (too early to test) and am freaking out as the lubricant contains parabens. I have spent the last three days reading scientific papers and have convinced myself it has caused DNA damage, and will either cause miscarriage or my baby will suffer from a genetic condition, or be at higher risk of autism or even childhood cancer. I have lost sleep, and am now really hoping I am not pregnant as I don't think I could go through with it. I am seeking help for anxiety, but would love some thoughts in the meantime.

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If you've found this page in search of lubes that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best lubricants useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Good for you OP in recognising that

I think you need to seek professional help before you go any further. It would not be beneficial to have your level of anxiety around children.

Think of all the times lube must have been used and it resulted in an accidental pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby.Please dont worry about this.

I absent mindedly sucked the end of a pencil while out on site with DF. DF said 'don't chew on that pencil, it's got fungicide on it. It's not poisonous but it's that thing, eh, tetarogenic. All fine unless your pregnant'
And you guessed it, I had a late period and a positive pregnancy test that night.
That pink line was my DS. I thought I'd killed or maimed him before I'd even got him. DS is now a completely healthy, very clever, kind wee boy who is currently wrestling with his big brother and eating me out of house and home. It'll be fine but please get some help for the anxiety - that will be fine too but you'll need a bit of help to get there.

Surely if lubricant caused birth defects there would be great big warning signs all over it?

Honestly engage your brain here a bit.
Firstly if that was the case, even a slight chance then there would be a warning on the packaging. Secondly, by your 'logic' it means that millions of children are suffering because of this.
The priority here is seeking help for yourself.

Also have a wee look at the history of pessaries. Women have been inserting all kinds of carry on for millennia for all kinds of reasons and there are still billions of humans. That's without starting thinking about lead in pipes, paint, exhaust fumes, etc, poor diet, mad superstitions, being encouraged to eat liver/drink stout/smoke/wear corsets. Your wee one will be fine.

I think it's normal to have raised anxiety over the past few months. It seems the focus is on the parabens and as others have said just buy a lubricant that you consider safe and throw that one away. Don't let it take a hold of you I'm sure all is and will be just fine.

You need to see a therapist.

Firstly you can't know you are pregnant.

Secondly there are parabens in all sorts. Unless you have an MSc / PhD and are very good at reading research papers you don't even know you are reading good quality evidence.

Thirdly, anxious parents bring up anxious children. Please stop with all this paranoia before you do have a child or they will grow up to be the same and that's not fair.

I hope that the posters who are being blunt with the OP are coming from a place of tough kindness rather than just being unkind. As a lifelong sufferer of anxiety I can tell you that when you are fully in flight with anxiety you can't hear the good intentions, you only hear 'Here's an other thing you've done wrong, worry about this too'.
Of course, in the longer term all of us anxiety sufferers need to find a way to deal with it but the best way to help someone out of an acute flare is with gentleness and kindness. We can deal with the long term recovery when we are back in our own heads again.

If this was a thing that happened there would 100% be stories about it in the tabloids, people would sue lube companies and there would be warnings on the lube.

You an recognise your anxiety but still maintain some kind of rational detachment.

You need to see someone about your anxiety. You’ve clearly just come up with this idea in your head because not lube causing damage to an unborn child is hardly common advice. Lots women need lube for sex, some wouldn’t be able to conceive at all without it - they also don’t stay celibate through pregnancy get some help, otherwise pregnancy and motherhood is going to be no fun at all if this your starting point.

Speaking as an adult chip of an over anxious parent you need to speak to someone about your anxiety, as it will have much greater impact on your children’s lives than this. Sorry but that’s true.

Adult child

If you spend enough time reading stuff on the internet you'll always find something to fuel your particular anxiety...

Use coconut oil for lube - it's way better than the slimy, sticky stuff

Sounds like you've had the 3am jitters, OP! Lying awake in the dark magnifies all your worries in the most ridiculous way. I hope you'll have it back in proportion by lunchtime!

OP said she is seeking help for her anxiety.

OP, it is fine. This is anxiety speaking. As powerful and real as it feels right now it isn't real.

Please stay away from google, I know how hard that is to do, but it is feeding into the anxiety. Your anxious brain will read those papers and pick out parts that make you worry more. If the lube was dangerous to use when TTC it would boldly state that, or most likely not even be on the market in the first place.

We can give you reassurance, but in the long run it isn't likely to help. I have been there so many times. What helped me was therapy to manage my anxiety and now when it comes creeping up I can put those techniques in place.

You said you are seeking help, how far are you into that process?

Your anxiety is more likely to be an issue than the lubricant - please do get some support

I’m sure you will be fine!

But people here are waaay to trusting about warnings on boxes!

Are there clear warning labels listing the carcinogens in your make-up? Shampoo? Diet sodas? Clothes? Children’s toys? Sex toys? Etc etc etc etc....

No. And why not?

If it turns out you're not pregnant this time, make sure you don't do anything else that could possibly worry you, before and while you're pregnant if you do conceive another time. I'm only saying that to prevent you from worrying your way through a pregnancy.

I'm only saying that to prevent you from worrying your way through a pregnancy.

The only way to prevent that is for the OP to seek some professional help with her anxiety. I think worrying to this extent before a child is even conceived about something that that the vast majority of people rightfully wouldn’t have given a second thought about is pretty extreme. As a pp said, the anxiety itself is more cause for worry than many perceived risks. I don’t think OP is in the right place mentally to be pregnant or have another baby at this point in time, I think it would be quite detrimental for her mental health. If using lube is causing this amount of worry how will she cope with all the other aspects of pregnancy that generally cause all women, even those who don’t have any kind of anxiety, a certain degree of worry?