to ask what your partners were like when you were pregnant?

[broccoliduns]

Attentive?
Disinterested?
Did they do nice things for you?
Did they become abusive? (This was my experience)

I'm really curious to know how men tend to react to their partner being pregnant.

Obviously only answer if you're happy to. I find it quite traumatic writing about it but find it helps talking about it...

Mine was excited and normal. He got a bit soppier but that’s just him.

He was very attentive and when I was unwell later on did more of the heavy lifting. He also took 6 weeks paternity leave both times to help me recover afterwards.

@Merryoldgoat so glad you referred to this as normal. I think I've convinced myself I was asking for too much.

I am positive that one day I'll meet someone 'normal' and have kids with an attentive, non abusive man.

Mine was lovely and supportive and did so much for me. But he did get on my nerves incessantly with his advice - don't do this, you shouldn't be doing that, you should be eating this. Particularly in the beginning when I couldn't stomach much and at the end when I couldn't fit much in
Mostly great throughout.
Sending you non-covid hugs

Mine is the same as usual. He won't let me lift anything heavy but otherwise he just expects me to get on with it.
Given up expecting any help or sympathy

Looks after me, let's me rest as much as I want. Gets me drinks or snacks so I don't have to get off the sofa. Very sympathetic when I was nauseous & very tired. Not really interested in the "bump" or feeling movements but is an amazing father to our older child and behaved very similarly during my previous pregnancy. I think he just can't visualise "a baby" but is amazing once it arrives. Does that make sense?
Sorry to hear you weren't so fortunate, OP. Abusive behaviour is never normal x

Mine was lovely - a good balance between sympathetic and helpful when I couldn't do things but letting me get on with it when I felt ok. He was kind but still treated me like a human being and not a human incubator! The poor man had to eat in his car for the first half of my first pregnancy because I was so sick and couldn't stand the smell of any food - he did so without complaint. He also read that eating something before getting up can help nausea so he used to make me toast and leave it on my bedside table before he left for work which was very sweet. He was very excited both times, especially after the 20 week scan when it all feels a bit more real and we knew everything was ok.

DH was bloody wonderful. Took great care of me - I spent most of the time resting when not at work. He came to all the scans etc. He even started ‘nesting’ before I did! Literally went hell for leather finishing off DIY jobs around the house so they would all be done before DS was born.

Now DS is 2 - DH is an excellent father and does more than his fair share. He told me recently that he thinks becoming a dad was all he ever wanted and is really grateful it happened for him. He puts me to shame to be honest!

DH was incredible. He's a good man - you could chop him open and there'd be pure kindness running through his veins, so my pregnancy just topped up his already happy-quota.

Ex was the entire opposite - complained that I didn't pay him enough attention, that I didn't want sex constantly, that I couldn't go partying with him. Lovely man, terrible partner through pregnancy.

Ex started out pleased & excited, then gradually grew contemptuous as my bump began to show, then dismissive and insulting after baby was born. He told the Maternity ward sister she’s have to keep me for two extra days because he had business meetings and no time to collect me . Like I was left luggage

We split when ds was 3.

He tried to reconnect when ds was 4, after I had re-established my career and bought a house, and has tried four times since but I don’t trust him.

Life is good again , I’m not willing to jeopardise it.

DH was his usual lovely self, with additional attention, involved in everything, supportive, loving, kind. Think he fell in love with DD before she arrived! Been the best father ever (well, on a par with my own lovely dad) and has a fantastic relationship with DD. Bless him.

Im not sure he noticed certainly didn't look after me.
Wasn't abusive just indifferent to it all.
He had children from a previous relationship so I guess it wasn't new to him.

I'm pregnant with our second just now.
DH isn't overly affectionate or demonstrative (never has been) but he's definitely encouraging me to sleep more (we have a 3yo and a puppy so sleep is limited in our house).
He also does all of the cooking and always makes sure it's something I fancy.

DH was unexpectedly sweet. He isn't much for big displays of affection and I thought he wouldn't bond with DD before she was here as such, but he talked to my bump and sang to her. Even now she'll settle when he sings! He was honestly amazing, excited for baby to be here, caring, attentive. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Mine was lovely, every step of the way for both pregnancies. I couldn't lift a finger around the house for the last few months as he'd race in and cook, do the laundry, rub my sore feet, etc.

OP, are you looking to compare your experience with others or hoping to get a sense of what to expect in the future?

Should have added. He tends to think pregnancy is women's business (which I agree with, I can't stand the 'we're pregnant stuff). So will trust me to tell him if I don't feel great or I need something rather than reading up on it himself.

He was pretty much the same, kind and supportive.
He didn't mollycoddle me , i would have hated that ! , but i knew throughout that mine / baby's well being was his priority.

Well.... he proposed, came to scans etc. He was essentially exactly the same as before in his treatment of me which was fairly good.

Although I know there are many many reports ams statistics that show abuse is more likely to start or escalate while the victim is pregnant

Lovely! Never interfered or told me what to eat or judged me for anything, but looked after me a lot in first trimester when I was quite nauseous a lot of the time and did the bulk of cooking and housework. I repaid him by my waters breaking spectacularly over the new sofa in his man cave

Looking back, he was who he is: supportive, a little lazy sometimes about things, but all around a lovely, loving partner who never, ever criticized me- not once, not even a hint of criticism. He was really kind and very good about getting me treats he knew I loved and craved. He did tease me about my waddle, but that was the worst of it. And he always let me fall asleep on the sofa and drool all over him while he watched Star Trek. I drooled a lot in my 'pregnancy' sleep.

He was lovely and sweet but then that is normal for him, he’s always treated me amazingly. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such a throughly wonderful partner tbh. I’m lucky.

He came to as many of my weekly scans as he could. (I had cholestasis) but also helpfully would close the bathroom door so he couldn't hear me chucking up. Also went to mcds when I was being induced as he was born.

OP so sorry your partner was abusive during your pregnancy. Does he have any contact with your child now?
I hope that you are both safe now.

My husband was brilliant both times. My son's are now in their 30's and he's still a wonderful dad.

Bored. Not born.

@ComDummings

He was lovely and sweet but then that is normal for him, he’s always treated me amazingly. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such a throughly wonderful partner tbh. I’m lucky.

It’s bad that I think I’m lucky. It should be normal to have a kind, loving, supportive partner especially during pregnancy. It horrifies me how awful some men are to their partners.

He was great, told me I was gorgeous all the way through: from being green and complaining of sore boobs at the start, to being a human balloon needing iced water and feet rubs at the end.
The first thing he said after DS was born was “you are amazing”. I have never forgotten that.