to ask what your partners were like when you were pregnant?

[broccoliduns]

Attentive?
Disinterested?
Did they do nice things for you?
Did they become abusive? (This was my experience)

I'm really curious to know how men tend to react to their partner being pregnant.

Obviously only answer if you're happy to. I find it quite traumatic writing about it but find it helps talking about it...

I have my son with my ex and my daughter with current partner.

Two compete different experienced.

My ex - sons dad. Initially seemed really excited to be a dad but I think he immature. His first reaction was excitement and telling me how great it will be. But In the end he didn’t take it seriously, treated me like crap, didn’t seem to care about me or my feelings. Didn’t seem to care about me or the baby towards the end. He treated me like dirt - made me ill. It’s weird to explain but to the outside world he seemed so excited to be a dad but it was a novelty to him and to be like some of his friends (who were already dads). Verbally abusive, he was constantly very drunk, cheated on me etc.

My partner - Dd was planned and we had been trying for a baby. When I told him I was pregnant his reaction wasn’t as I expected. I knew he wanted a baby and he would be a great dad (already a great stepdad too), but he didn’t seem excited just nervous. He supported me all through my pregnancy, was there for me, treated me like gold but he always seemed really nervous like something was on his mind. I think he was worried about mine and the babies health. Didn’t have a great time with DS and he knew that. I knew he wanted a baby but he never appeared excited. Dd was born, he is a great dad to both of them. He was just nervous.

I’m so sorry yours was abusive OP. I have read that pregnancy can be a common trigger for abusers to start behaving abusively

I’m currently pregnant and mine is lovely. Really excited and supportive, won’t let me lift a finger, brings me breakfast in bed every day when I’m feeling sick. He is always lovely, supportive, caring etc but more so than ever at the moment.

I hope you and your baby are safe and well, and that if you have more children you are with a supportive partner who cares for you properly.

First three weeks like a gent

Then week 4 the abuse ramped up

Broken toe
Knife to throat
Told me baby would be an orphan
Tried to force me into a marriage
Booked a wedding
Threw a table at me when I told him I wanted to wait a year before we marry
Told me I smelt of shit
Make me walk up and down a canal for hours while 38 weeks pregnant

I could go on
Just hoping now he gets jail but prob won't

Limited interest with our first child. He cared but didn’t want much involvement.

Surprisingly I had another child with him years later. He was so much better second time round. It was still the minimum I’d expect from a parent though.

Why do we put ourselves through it?

DH is from a huge family. Pregnancy is normal and he is used to the women in his life being pregnant, (sisters, cousins, family friends). Treated me the same as any other day and time. Sometimes that was nice sometimes i resented him as i wanted a bit of attention regarding the pregnancies. Not bothered about it now though

DH was very good I'd say.... unlike a lot of men who seem to worry about DTD with pregnant wives he especially liked it at the time and wasn't shy of saying it and I thought that was lovely, TBH.

He came to some appointments, and NCT, but mostly wasn't around in the day and my mum came with me to appointments and I was happy with that.

First one was disinterested,cheated , carried on like I didn’t exist (I was 18)
My husband , attentive, loving , excited and very hands on

Loving, attentive, a bit of a dick sometimes (he was stressed about our ‘first’ being twins as much as I was!) but on the whole he was excited and mostly positive.

We had two blazing rows whilst I was pregnant, first was started by me and second was started by him, but apart from feeling like he didn’t take some of my symptoms seriously at times (that changed as the pregnancy progressed) he was very good

Mine was great to be fair.He also stopped drinking alchohol for 9 months so I wouldnt get jealous

Attentive, thoughtful, bit anxious at times with fussing over me/us. Lovely generally. Came to all scans, classes, GP appts.
DP is a woman, don't know if that made a difference.

She also went into major nesting mode and had a new bedroom built/ finished in time, and the house was spotless, baby bedroom all done up with all equipment needed ready. Which was great!

Mine was a bit crap and negligent. I wouldn’t really say abusive in pregnancy - that was more afterwards. Just not that useful. Occasionally attentive but that was rare.

I should add we’re divorced now.

Just normal to be honest, excited, looked after me if I didn't feel well and he had to be encouraged to have a drink on social occasions, but he doesn't treat me unkindly or with disrespect usually anyway so it didn't require a change of behaviour.
We'd booked a holiday before we knew and he hired a car and didn't drink for the whole trip in case I needed a hospital (had some minor complications) and so I could see all the places we wanted to but without as much walking, public transport etc. He wasn't especially soppy but neither am I ! I did have to give him directions to the hospital while I was having contractions, despite it being less than 3 miles away and having been there maybe half a dozen times during the pregnancy

Mine was very attentive , understanding and patient . Still annoyed the fuck out of me though haha .

Lovely, in a word. I got pregnant unexpectedly and was a bit scared of telling him - we had only been together a few weeks and I had been pregnant once before with my ex and he forced me to have an abortion after beating me up. So telling DH was an anxious time for me, even though I thought I knew him and that he was kind.

He was really pleased, wanted to tell the world immediately, and wanted to be at every appointment when he wasn't working (worked shifts). Very attentive to me, was convinced I was having twins because I was so huge! Would spend hours talking to the bump about our future. I knew he was a good dad - he was bringing up his sons singlehandedly and they adored him, they were excited about their little brother too. We got engaged and we were both so happy. It was such a complete contrast to the way my ex had been.

Couldn't have any more children after DS which saddened us both. DH was so kind, caring, generous, just a really nice man and a lovely dad. I am so pleased that I had a child with him rather than someone else because we were so happy throughout our marriage.

He's been great. He has his own health problems so which of us has been in the better state physically varies day to day but emotionally/mentally he's been very supportive and never critical.

There was one time in the first trimester when I was absolutely shattered and he just didn't get it and thought I was being awkward but tbh I don't think the reality that I was pregnant had quite kicked in at that point - he apologised the next day and has been great since.

He's even started catching spiders and putting them out which always used to be my job 😂

Always supportive without being OTT, didn’t fuss which is exactly what I wanted, I went to the majority of my appointments alone as he was working and I didn’t see the need for him to take time off for a scan or the midwife. I think he was quite detached from the pregnancy, but once he was born, he was instantly a wonderful father and still is now. I think you can tell a lot about a couple from the way they interact during pregnancy and birth. I’ve seen a few threads of here started by men expressing their annoyance they can’t attend scans etc and whilst I acknowledge it’s their baby also I think some have an underlying aspect of control.

Same as usual with a bit of extra care I suppose. He would chat to my bump and kiss it goodnight when I was further on and was so excited feeling kicks. I think sometimes he struggled a bit to understand some of the effects (i had moderate spd but a fairly high pain threshold so maybe underplayed it) . He listened and was patient when I was anxious about what I could and couldn't eat, came to scans and some midwife appointments and bought clothes for ds.

Sorry to hear your partner became abusive, unfortunately common time to start when women are vulnerable. Are you safe now @broccoliduns?

Mine was very supportive and interested.
However we were both in the forces so we didn't spend a great deal of time together throughout.

I had hyperemesis. He drove me to work and picked me up every single day for 9 months so I didn’t have to worry about pulling over to vomit while driving. He took over pretty much every household task. He did absolutely everything he could to make my life easier during a very difficult pregnancy.

I've had two different experiences of pregnancy

First - incredibly planned, second attempt at ivf

My partner was loving, caring, super attentive and generally great all round

Second - unplanned, very soon after our first was born

My partner was still really attentive, loving etc

He's a good egg, I was anxious of how the second pregnancy would effect our marriage but so far he's been great.

@MissConductUS not to compare. I know my ex was awful.

I think I just need hope for the future.

When pregnant, my dh was very attentive without being overbearing, we were renovating on a shoe string at the time so he couldn't stop me from doing much! He read the birthing skills book that I read so he'd be able to support me in labour with how I wanted to do it.

During labour, he literally saved my life and dd's. When dd was a newborn, he took extra time off work and took care of our home and me (including cutting my food in to bite size pieces so I could eat whilst breastfeeding). He helped me breastfeed when I didn't have enough hands to hold dd, her flailing arms, my boob and her tiny floppy head!