To ask you for your REAL lockdown experience?

[DM1209]

Hello all,

Lone parent here, 3 children, 12, 8 and 6.
Full time and full on job in Law which has actually only gotten busier these last 3 months.

Have home schooled and worked throughout and only sent my younger 2 back on the01 June because it was becoming impossible for me to do my job efficiently and effectively and I became very, very shouty, stressed and miserable trying to do it all.
We have not baked
We have no sang songs
We have no made amazing crafts
We have not made lockdown memories (ick!) of any kind - nothing!!

My skin looks like shit, I've lost weight and am exhausted all the bloody time!!!

The house is a tip, not dirty but messy.
Grocery shopping has been time consuming and frankly soul destroying.

On top of that, my useless ex-husband decided during April to tell our children he will never be seeing them again because he can't promise that he can put that time aside and actually show up for his once a month visit.
He last saw them in January and the fallout of that for them has been devastating not least because he has let them down repeatedly since the divorce.

I get it, we are all alive, healthy and well. I have no financial worries.
My children seem happy and tell me all the time how much they love me and I them.
If I sound ungrateful, I'm not.
I'm working all hours (I love what I do) and just trying to scrape through each day but think there is so much more I should be doing to make this time a positive one for us all.

Please tell me your real life lockdown experience and it doesn't have to be miserable like mine :)

Disabled single parent to a 16 year old. We have been staying with my 81 year old mum since Christmas as I have been poorly & was struggling in our home which is not suitable for my disabilities, we are needing a move to a fully adapted property, but due to lockdown the social housing providers aren't dealing with home moves. Lockdown hasn't been much different to my normal life as I am housebound most of the time anyway. Ds had his exams cancelled & is in limbo until September, he spends most days playing games online with his friend, usually minecraft or once a week they play dungeons & dragons with a couple of other friends via zoom, other than that he is involved with our local Green party & was lucky enough to be asked to help out on the transport committee, he is autistic & loves anything to do with transport, he does research in to local public transport. I spend my time reading, doing crochet, watching television.

I've got a 6yo. Was working PT from home until the 4th week of lockdown, I've been furloughed since then. DH is WFH full time.
MIL moved in as she lives alone.

I'm bored and my mental health is suffering. Every 10 days or so I have a big cry to DH.

I know I'm fortunate in that I have time to myself, DS is thriving and financially we're fine. But work is such a big part of my identity (solicitor). I'm really struggling with cooking and planning most meals and doing all the housework.

Other than that, there was an initial spurt of gardening. We don't do crafting. Unless DS bashing empty boxes with his hammer counts as modern art?

It basically feels like Groundhog Day.

I'm so sorry many of you are going through such a tough time. This has been an awful time for so many.

Started well.
DH working from home full time, me part time, so I got to do the homeschooling. It was good. Weather was good.
Then he got furloughed, which should have made things easier.
Now I am run off my feet, working, doing the homeschooling because dh is shit at it, and dh is under my feet.
He is facing redundancy and being a moody shit. Yes, he is depressed. He is also very hard to be around.
The kids are awesome and work is ok.
I love our house and garden, and the sense of freedom without the manic mornings. I love being able to go for walks alone as dh is always here.
I hope he doesn't lose his job.

in a nutshell: got furloughed and told my job was likely to go; got new job (1yr contract); negotiated a quick exit deal with a good pay off (yay); day one of new job little brother collapsed, had to give him CPR; three days later he passed away in ICU; he was single so I had to arrange funeral, clear his room and became a carer for my disabled dad.

Now juggling a job, 2 kids homeschooling and caring for my housebound dad. So pretty much where I started with a whole shitshow in between.

Hell here. Two parents working FT. Two primary aged kids fighting and bored. No education,.

DH is working stupid hours to try and keep his job, mine more flexible.
His employer Pretending no issues and I am a Keyworker. Stress levels ver6 high. Kids hate it

Middling here.
I'm a keyworker in a special school... so have remained at work, but under strange and difficult circumstances (no distancing possible and it's different children in a different classroom, which creates behaviour issues).
No small children thankfully, but DD1 is 300 miles away, a junior doctor on covid wards and having to stay away from her own shielded wife..
I have a type 1 asthmatic diabetic in my home, and that has been very worrying as i'm most likely to bring the virus home. My mum is shielded ..and alone 130 miles away :(

I've been working, caring for my elderly and frankly dotty, neighbour and just gettting on with it.
Plus sides, Dh was home long enough to do some garden project stuff, but went back to work before I murdered him and I have had some lovely long, quiet dog walks before and after work.

We have been fortunate, but I hate the way school is having to be now, feel depressed that the children are not getting the education they need, and worry about the vulnerable ones who could have come to school but haven't been sent...

I worry my DD1 will catch it (she has immune issues and has been with covid patients all the way through) and my DS1 went to Australia 2 weeks before lockdown and I have to not think about him because when I do my heart breaks because I have no idea when we will see him again, and DD2 is meant to be getting married in October and we doubt he'll be able to fly home...

Two teaching parents, yr10 DS. We’ve both worked every day- setting work, waiting for work to be send back, looking for videos to explain work, looking for texts for kids to read, trying to provide a range of learning experiences, marking and giving feedback.

Getting utterly fed up as the same 8 kids hand in work and the rest don’t do any of it. Feel like I should just send a few links once a week, but won’t- as those 8 kids need more than that.

First few weeks dealing with daily emails and calls asking me to sort out issues with learning platform. DH getting hourly phone calls about free school meals vouchers.

DS thinking no school is great- until the real work appears and he spends 7 hours a day working. Now rather concerned that his GCSEs are in a year’s time and he’s missing a term of teaching. We’ve played a lot of chess.

Food shopping has totally changed- relying on the local market and small firm delivering. Eating a lot more fresh fruit and veg. Also a lot more cheese and bread so have gained half a stone- now working on that.

Accepted I won’t see my dad this summer, or for quite a while. Neither of us want to go 27 hours on a plane. I’ve cried several days in a row, but moved on from that about 5 weeks ago. Back in school part time, loving seeing the kids.

Mixed back here. We've coped - as in survived every day and some of them have been fantastic chilled out family time. Other have been tears and turmoil. We've all also been safe from COVID-19 and so have our close friends, family and extended family. Something we're very grateful of and very aware that so many others have not had that, and have had much, much tougher rides than us.

I lost my job a week before furlough was announced, as I joined a new company just before Christmas and they 'foresaw financial difficulty' so last one in first one out. The virus has made the job hunt even harder and massively affected my already fragile mental health, with no reason to get up for the school run or work, some days have been complete right offs, leading to a cycle of worry about not doing enough with home school or housework. My coping mechanisms have always involved spending time away from my house (I get cabin fever being home all day usually!) and with friends and family, going for a coffee was my ultimate cheer up, and with it all stripped back I've had a rough ride in my own head.

Some days we baked and did lots of great home school work, fun crafts and enjoyed the garden, found some lovely local walks, did some home improvements and the like. Some days we didn't get out of our pyjamas and watched 4 Harry Potter films in a row.

My partner got considerably more unwell as his planned treatments were all cancelled, as they're not life saving treatments, but they do give him a much, much better quality of life. Because he had to take much heavier painkillers, he was often sick and unwell and there's no sign of treatment reappearing.

DC is an only child and went between loving having us to himself and having so much time as a family, to being really angry with us for not being good enough at playing imaginary games with toys. Some days he was a dream and pleasure to be around, and sometimes the back chat and attitude is unbearable. Other days we've had tears because they feel so lonely without any other kids, and a facetime minecraft session salvaged the day, and othertimes facetiming his cousins made it so much worse because at least they have each other.

But as things get a little bit more normal, I know that one day I'll be glad of the time we had together and there was fear of missing out, or anything better/more productive/cultural for us to be doing. I hope when I look back on this time, the bad bits will fade away and the good will stand out.

Thank you for this thread though, it was really cathartic writing it out!

Ok - just.
The first 4 weeks were horrendous then I was furloughed, thankfully. DS9 ASD, dyslexic and riotous handwriting. DS3 wants to play and distract. DH wfh really busy doing silly hours.

I'm trying so hard with homeschooling I can't afford to let him slip behind. I'm also dyslexic and a shit teacher.
I stuck my nails in my arm last week in frustration, first time in years. Then you read on here folk think kids should repeat the year - wtf - why am I bothering to try?

Roll on school holidays.
Oh my house is like a tip.

Shit.

Children largely feral and having too much screen time while we both wfh. I’m acting up in a seriously busy job and working crazy hours. I’ve got an understanding employer but realistically I’m failing at parenting and failing at working effectively and productively.

Children mostly doing school work - the bare minimum sent home, but not convinced they are learning anything this way. (And if I get one more email from their teachers telling me what lovely things they have been up to, I might scream). They’re bored and fed up - though coping remarkably well. They’re missing their friends and extracurricular activities as much school though.

DH and I are muddling through. I hate the fact that we are all always together - including with the children - and the lack of personal space and time is driving me insane and putting a wedge in our relationship.

On top of all of this - throughout this my dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I’ve not been able to be as much of a support to my parents as I want to be, not least as my mum is shielding. My mum is depressed at the complete destruction of her social life as well as missing my DC as she used to provide after school care, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

This isn’t sustainable. Yet is likely to continue until at least September if not longer.

Lovey
Try and get out of the house on your own
I have same but no DH ! Maybe good
Get up , get out to exercise and breathe
Otherwise it’s too too much x

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words, and I really do feel for all who are suffering in so many ways. I have 57 years of happily married life to look back on, so I do hope soon that everyone's problems will melt away very soon. That's enough ramblings from an old lady for one day!

I’m so sorry that there are so many of you having such a difficult time. Reading some of these posts my heart goes out to you. It’s awful to read of job losses, parents and children’s mental health being affected.

We are fairly lucky in that nothing has changed for us really.

Dd age 6 is very happy being at home. We moved at the end of jan so she hadn’t actually started her new school here when they closed. She was due to start the week after so it’s been no hardship. I home educated my eldest until he was 10 so I am used to home ed anyway, as she wasn’t on the school roll yet, we’ve heard nothing from the school at all. But I know what I’m doing, what resources to use so it’s fine.

Ds 17 had started a new college a few weeks before they closed and was miserable. He would have failed this year of his Btec if it wasn’t for lockdown - he’s been south happier doing the work from home and has smashed it.

Dh always worked from home anyway and thank fully his job is secure. I am a SAHM since moving here and I’m pregnant.

We don’t have any friends, the only family we have are elderly and very difficult so this has been a break from them for me. It would have made an already quite difficult pregnancy even worse having to deal with them face to face.

We are quite poor so we never did anything that other people miss anyway, like going out to places or socialising, we could simply never afford to do anything. So my life is quite small anyway.

So life hasn’t really changed. I feel sorry for dd at times not having other children to play with, but we are 200 miles from her old friends now and she didn’t have any here yet anyway. She seems happy enough with just us. Ds was always chatting over Xbox to his friends anyway so nothing has changed for him in that sense.

I've enjoyed spending time with my kids but I'm exhausted! The youngest has been hard to motivate with home schooling because I'm not a teacher and home isn't school in her eyes 😩.The oldest has severe sen and he's just basically been forgotten about by his school but he's doing ok as long as he can get out for a 5 miles walk every day . I'm missing my grownup daughter and grandkids and feel quite overwhelmed at times as I try juggle everyone's needs whilst their dad works nights .
And I feel
Like I'm constantly cooking but we are all well safe and so we could have it much worse x

I am alone this week as my husband is away working. It has brought to the fore how much we rely on him to get us through the day as he prepares all meals. I have been trying but now scared to go into the kitchen as it is such a bombsite.

We are both working from home usually but his job is full on whereas mine is quiet so I can focus on home schooling but it is nightmarish as my two (10 and 8) are so easily distracted and I have to prise them off roblox approx. 1000 times a day.

It is constant nagging and it is soul destroying. I live in a constant state of anxiety and guilt about my poor parenting skills. Yesterday they had an online karate class which they do once a week with their karate teacher and they spent the majority of it messing around.

We try to read books in the evening and again it is constant nagging at them to stop messing and read. They say I am draining all the fun out of things but I am just desperate for them to concentrate on anything that isn't fucking roblox or fucking youtube.

I want them to be happy and enjoy life as much as they can during lockdown but I have zero patience left and tbh this experience has just broken me and I worry about the effects long term on my physical and mental health and my relationship with my children and their memories of this time.

Pre lockdown they did a mountain of sporting activities so they are really missing those.

I hate home schooling it affects my relationship with my children. My ten year old is pleasant to work with and has blossomed with my attention. He has been painting and drawing and making things and been really great but it is all poisoned by the fact he is preparing for the transfer test so we have to spend hours every week on practice papers and marking them. Sucks the joy out of education.

My 8 year old is talented but not focused and does rush jobs every day which result in tantrums and tears. His teacher is demanding and critical so I have given up.

I get them to sleep around midnight and then stay up late just to get some peace then have to haul myself out of bed in the morning. Today I had a shower and got dressed in clean clothes which is notable. I struggle to cook and clean and they eat junk and then refuse to eat what I have cooked.

We are in a two bed flat with front and back garden so plenty of outdoor space but the living space itself feels very cramped. It was fine in our previous life as we were always out but being stuck in it for months has changed everything. I despise it now.

It just feels like an endless nightmare and I feel I have failed as a parent.

Me (sahm), dh (working from home) and 5 dc aged from nearly 6 to nearly 14.

We have it easier than a lot of people and I am constantly being reminded of that which isn't helping.

Homeschooling is so very hard but we are doing it. 2 older ones are mostly getting on with it although eldest sometimes has to be nagged. 9 year old has the attention span of a goldfish. 7 year old has gdd with a development age of around 4 years old. School have not given him any appropriate work to do, just the standard year 2 stuff so I've had to adapt everything I can myself to his level. Youngest is autistic and just struggling with everything. School wants youngest back in school but keeps changing the date so it's impossible to prepare him for anything. At the moment if I mention school he starts screaming.

Baking and making memories is kind of happening although the dc are making an enormous amount of mess in the process and I'm struggling with the massive amount of washing dishes and general tidying up. We've had a tv and a bed broken during lockdown and really struggling to get the bed replaced.

Going out really isn't happening. Next door have builders who are using the shared outdoor space so we can only use the garden at certain times. Youngest struggles to understand social distancing so going out for a walk is a massive headache and we've only attempted it twice. I miss my support groups, soft play and going somewhere further than the post box.