To ask you for your REAL lockdown experience?

[DM1209]

Hello all,

Lone parent here, 3 children, 12, 8 and 6.
Full time and full on job in Law which has actually only gotten busier these last 3 months.

Have home schooled and worked throughout and only sent my younger 2 back on the01 June because it was becoming impossible for me to do my job efficiently and effectively and I became very, very shouty, stressed and miserable trying to do it all.
We have not baked
We have no sang songs
We have no made amazing crafts
We have not made lockdown memories (ick!) of any kind - nothing!!

My skin looks like shit, I've lost weight and am exhausted all the bloody time!!!

The house is a tip, not dirty but messy.
Grocery shopping has been time consuming and frankly soul destroying.

On top of that, my useless ex-husband decided during April to tell our children he will never be seeing them again because he can't promise that he can put that time aside and actually show up for his once a month visit.
He last saw them in January and the fallout of that for them has been devastating not least because he has let them down repeatedly since the divorce.

I get it, we are all alive, healthy and well. I have no financial worries.
My children seem happy and tell me all the time how much they love me and I them.
If I sound ungrateful, I'm not.
I'm working all hours (I love what I do) and just trying to scrape through each day but think there is so much more I should be doing to make this time a positive one for us all.

Please tell me your real life lockdown experience and it doesn't have to be miserable like mine :)

@ longtimemarried I have a couple of friends who’ve lost close relatives during lockdown and that has been hard. Your loss is very hard indeed, I send you my very best wishes. x

Similar OP ! Single mum working FT too
What’s I’ve enjoyed is
Having kids around
Netflix
No commute
Actually experiencing spring
Not having to plan things and be places

Their gaming and screen time is OFF the scale

I'm a SAHM of 4 children from nearly 4 to 10, and pregnant with our 5th. Husband is military whose base has been closed so he's been off work since March, and isn't expected to be back before September, and we moved in to our new house the week before lockdown.

We've loved every minute!

We home educate anyway, so that's not a preoblem. Obviously they've had to miss out on their clubs and classes, but as we'd just moved, we hadn't signed up to anything yet anyway.
We've created a fantastic play area in our garden for the children, who are out there for the majority of most days.
We've been able to get lots done in the house which wouldve taken so much longer had my husband not been around. He's enjoying being home, and we all enjoy each others company.
I'm able to get more housework done as my husband is around to take over the education.

We don't live near friends or family, so haven't had the temptation to see them, so thats not been too difficult either.

I actually don't have a downside to it to be honest.

1stTimeMama

I'm sure you didn't mean to come across as as smug as you sounded.

Can I just make a request, though, that people who are not working 20 hours a day often in punishing or even dangerous circumstances to support children, take a minute to reflect on the impact of posting about how lovely their lockdown is.

We get it, you're having a great time and reconnecting with your kids etc. Some of us aren't. For some of us it feels like indentured servitude.

Enjoy your nice lockdown in peace please but have the decency not to rub our noses in it.

I'm a SAHM to young children and in some ways it's easier as I'm not juggling kids, school and work, my husband's business is doing well and we are blessed to have a large house with lots of space so we aren't getting too bickery so on the surface everything probably looks peachy...

However the isolation of just myself and a 3 and 1 year old has been really hard work. No pre school, swimming class, toddler groups, gym, soft play... I was really poorly for most of Jan and Feb with a cold/pneumonia so didn't see any of my friends or family, so other than a week in centre parcs in March I've barely done anything all year.

I'm lonely and bored and eating my feelings which is leading to sadness and depression. I'm autistic and not having any time to myself is absolute killer, it's sensory overload. I'm also too scared to go to the shops because there's all these new rules of behaviour and I have no idea what to expect. I can't have anyone with me to show me because of the one from each household rule. I present as very neurotypical so I've just not been. My informal support network has been eradicated and I'm having to struggle through without help. It's hard in a way that I struggle to express, and I find myself on the edge of a shut down (like a melt down, but internalised rather than external explosion) constantly.

My eldest kid is aware of what's going on and the fear and frustration is coming out in tantrums and regressions. My 1 year old is refusing to sleep at the moment which is compounding all this shit.

We've done a lot of baking and painting and crafts and walks because our only other option is to watch cbeebies all day.

Compared to a lot of people though these are real first world problems so I try to stay positive and keep that in mind.

It's been basically good. I thank my lucky stars everyday that both my DC left school last year and that we have a decent garden and have had amazing weather. Also that I don't live alone or only with young children.

I've worked from home, although back to normal now. Have generally had a fairly relaxed time with minimal stress and no pressure to do fun things or see people, which was a good rest to begin with but is now wearing a bit thin.

Not too bad.
Started off in shock but very happy to be sent home from hospital plavement as scared.
First few days cleaned the house etc.
No home schooling dd in year 7. She has been a bit down she cant see her friends.
At first baked and ate a lot...now on a diet.
Did 2 online exams...shit marks, essay...great grade and a presentation...dissapointing grade.
Let my tortoise wander free range and i dont miss many people. Well i miss dad but good to get space from him..

It’s been good for me overall.

.I’ve worked full time throughout (NHS hospital, admin), has felt like life carrying on pretty much as normal for me
.I’ve had ds1, his gf, ds3 locked down with us, all uni students. Many happy lockdown memories of zoom quizzes with other families, board games, family film nights, good food cooked by keen cook DS1, sunbathing, chilling in the garden in the evenings etc
.We have a large garden and the weather was fantastic.
.We have had some lovely takeaway meals, supporting local pubs and takeaway establishments

Bad things:-
.Ds2 far far away and won’t see him until hotels are open
.DH worries about his business, he is not a good worrier, mood swings all over the place
.Not lockdown related but the department I work in is slightly at risk, and that coupled with DH work uncertainty is a bit worrying
.We have a fabulous family holiday booked, very doubtful that will go ahead

Very very thankful we don’t have school age dc to worry about.

But will be very glad when everything gets back to normal.

It was ok at the start, I was very anxious about managing to homeschool the DC but I was also looking forward to it. After a few weeks the DC started to be very difficult regarding their work and so when half term hit they were ready for the break. I’ve changed my job mid way through lockdown and my new job is very full on - homeschool has gone to the wall, DH has just got lazier and lazier (furloughed but doesn’t have time to do any of the odd jobs that he’s started and not finished).

I feel overwhelmed and I’ve also been trying to support my parents with their business and all of the legislation changes. Thankfully I have an amazing relative who works for them who has been a godsend, she’s gone above and beyond to support and so I don’t feel as pressured with that as I did. But it’s still a worry.

There are not enough hours in the day, my migraines have ramped up and I’ve piled the weight on. Not great, I, not looking forward to having to go out and be professional again as I’ve forgotten how. I’m not sure if I want lockdown to carry on or to finish. DC are missing their friends a lot, it would be better for them if it was over, I know that.

thepeopleversuswork. very strange critical post directed at pp. the op has asked us for our lockdown experiences and specifically says it doesn’t have to be a miserable experience to comment.....

ThroughThickandThin I know, fair enough. Just pissed off, exhausted and upset and taking it out on the wrong people. I just wish that there was more support and less judgement available to people like me. And if I see another post about how lovely its been spending time with the kids I think I will shoot myself.

You sound like you are doing a fabulous job, they are lucky children to have a wonderful mum like you.

I'm recently single - their dad is very much in the picture, but it's very hard to have him the house this much, but needs must at its about them not me at the moment.

Minimal baking, not singing, no arts and crafts, lots of walks and bike rides and way too much shouting from me. We have watched a lot of films (without the fake cinema experience) I am hanging in on there 'just'.

I am still home schooling, its hard, but essential for my children. My youngest is already behind and find's school difficult, to stop home schooling altogether would be a disaster for her. My oldest is working his socks off and has always found school far easier so no real battles there.

I wfh anyway and work has been super busy. I have ME and have worked and tried to parent until I’m on my knees. Kid is with her Dad a lot more than 50% and I must give him credit for stepping up. GP just signed me off for a fortnight. I feel defeated and exhausted and ill.

The child that was doing well at school has done well at home schooling. Taken responsibility and got herself organised.

The child that was not doing well at school has not done well at home schooling. Has slipped further back, no doubt. No amount of 'supervision' can make a child learn if they do not want to learn. Yes, he has special needs.

Husband is loving lockdown. Works all day in the bedroom, then emerges to a happy evening of gaming.

I hate lockdown. Being locked in a small house full of people, no matter how dear to me they are, is my ultimate nightmare. Also, I am failing at every area of my life: work, parenting, housekeeping. Have had no space to myself since March. Mental health very much deteriorating.

First 2 weeks were homeschooling with little school contact and working, it was so hard, we literally sat at the dining table all day working until we could call it a day and take a break. I went to the supermarket and could have cried, there was nothing, the only meat I could buy was in a pie, I felt that I’d failed already. That was the most hopeless I felt.

Then Suddenly I was furloughed and I can do all the homeschooling we need, get to the supermarket when there was still food we’ve baked ( had to stop due to eating it all too quickly) we’ve made canvas prints, dinosaur ornaments learnt to ride a bike, been out on rides.

But as expected (and I was anxious of throughout) I was told last week, there are too many doing my job for the future needs. I’ll be the one made redundant, as I’ve also found out over the time I’ve been off; I’m the only one of those being considered to be currently furloughed. My DS has coped, but now hates leaving the house and isn’t relaxed when out. We are working on that and when I lose my job I’ll have plenty of time to support him. I’m devastated but trying to be positive. I miss my family being together, eating out and the one thing I never expected to miss is swimming. I don’t go often, but I hate that I can’t. My sleep is messed up through stress and worry.

Similar. Took on a second part time job the week of lockdown. Been working stupid amount of hours, unpaid, just to get to grips with the job. New boss isn't even grateful. How I resent my stupidity.

I've shouted at the kids, not even looked at their work. And put on a stone. And I feel ill.

Furloughed because I have a severely disabled child. Child can't attend school, which has been a miserable experience for her. Younger DD can't attend school regardless of what schools do, missing her friends and schooling has gone to pot. DH had to work initially and live in a caravan (NHS worker) then was able to WFH. Just spent a week in ICU with DD who needed an emergency operation, so have been through the emotional wringer. All with the worry of Covid hanging over us. DD wouldn't survive I don't think.

Pretty much climbing the walls.

Bit of a mid-line here

dh and I both wfh anyway, and my job is term time, and not full time, and for a voluntary organisation.
dh has been madly busy.
I have told work that I can only do bare minumum, and they are fine with that, so I have been able to work round homeschooling.

3 teens, one of whom didn't get out of bed for 5 weeks, and has since been madly catching up with sixth form work.
second one totally self sufficient and independant
youngest really stressed, can't cope, finding it all overwhelming, and it took a few weeks before she would accept help.
Now that she will let me help it is better, but much more time consuming as we have to structure her day if she is to work. I'd love to tell her to forget it all, but then her mental health will plumment further.

Half term was good, no school and no work, we actually relaxed and chilled.
Apart from that there have been no cooking/baking craft moments at all.

Shopping is driving me nuts and to tears alternately. I'm shopping for me, my parents, a friend, and her parents. On a good week, everyone has a click and collect/delivery and I just pick up and drop off, or don't do anything (delivery) on a bad week, I am shopping in store for 4 families. Even when I add theirs to my own click and collect it takes HOURS. I worked out one week that I spend an average of 10 hours per week doing shopping. Mix of on-line ordering, collecting, sorting, delivering and so on.

Shopping it TOTALLY soul destroying at the moment. One day I drove up to Asda, saw the queue and just wanted to sit in the car and cry.

No popping out for a pint of milk here any more.

We have had good bits and bad bits.
Me and DH have worked full time (and more) out the house all the way through this.
I'm managment level so taking my days off when I can round about the rota and making sure my team get their days off first.
3 DC. Thankfully the eldest is old enough to look after the other 2 when we are at work but very little school work being done.
When I'm on a day off I cant really be arsed with the battle of school work and want to relax.
House is messier that usual. Kids gaming much more.

We have spent more time in the garden though and the kids have been getting on fine. Had enough of it all now and losing patience with it!!

I feel like I'm constantly juggling. It's impossible to do everything I need to do in a day. I'm a single mum, WFH 5 hours a day with 2 small kids at home all the time. I'm trying to work, study, entertain the kids, exercise and keep the house clean and organised and it just doesn't work.

So my lockdown experience has been a weird one. I've done loads of really positive things but none have them have been to the best of my ability or given my undivided attention. I work while the kids colour, I exercise while they eat breakfast, I study in the bath, I clean while they watch TV. I've definitely had enough now.

Haven't worked since lockdown as I was an agency care home worker, and we were lucky enough to not need my wage for a while as we got a sizeable inheritance last year that we could use for a few months if we needed to.

Homeschooling ds6, who is an only child and really missing his peers. Started well and school have been pretty supportive. High proportion of disadvantaged pupils so work has been set using paper packs that we have collected once every four weeks. The packs are very good, four weeks of English, phonics and maths, and a week of geography, history, d&t and science, with five lessons in each week.

The lessons are not all worksheet based either. His teacher has really really pulled it out of the bag and deserves a bloody medal in my opinion.

The only problem has been dragging ds away from his lego/kindle/pokemon to try and get him to research and write a fact file on the kings and Queens of England. Something he has absolutely no interest in whatsoever (can't blame him, British history is fascinating but the monarchy are not).

So homeschooling has gone to pot. I'm managing to squeeze maybe an hour out of him before tears happen. If I try and get him to write more than three sentences he either sulks, slides off his chair like an eel or cries.

And on Monday, the company dp works for went bust. So he and everyone else who works there is being made redundant but we don't know exactly when, or when redundancy pay will come through, and there are very few jobs in his sector locally (industrial chemistry). He is the main breadwinner so it's come as a major blow.

Even with both of us working we were making less than 30k, though admittedly I was only part time.

So I'm looking at doing full time nights to see us through which I have done in the past when I was much younger, fitter and didn't have a child, and it made me ill then so I'm dreading it now, but hey ho, bills to pay, mouths to feed.

Mine and ds's mental health has taken a total nosedive through all this, the house is a mess because without proper outside routine we are all struggling. Dp was exhausted and now is just very sad.

We've done a few things to try and keep cheer up, built dens, raced paper boats on the paddling pool, walked around the park and wetlands. But those things are getting more sporadic, and it's rained for two weeks now with no sign of relenting.

I have cried a lot. Ds has cried a lot. Dp has hidden away in our room (he doesn't cry he hides) a lot.

Lockdown had been shit. Really, properly, shit.

I'm sort of numb now though.

Not a good sign.

Been a mixed bag - 2 children aged 5 and 7. I'm part-time wfh and my DH is furloughed so has been doing all the home-schooling. We try to get work/school done in the morning then we have afternoons together

There have definitely been some lovely times - we've camped in the garden, done baking (though me and my DD have always done this anyway) had afternoons where we've all watched films together including introducing our kids to some of the classic 80s films we loved! And we're lucky to live in an area where there are some nice country parks nearby to go for walks as well as discovering some new footpaths to try. It's made me appreciate the things I do have.

But..money is a constant worry. DH wasn't paid for the first few weeks and is not sure how long he will be paid for and whether he will have a job at the end of all this. He is finding it difficult not to be working and the uncertainty of the future and is trying to get another job. My 7 year old really misses school and is struggling now so I'm worried about the effects of this on him. Bedtimes are a particular issue at the moment as he finds it hard to sleep - I think that's when he gets most anxious

I find it hard to get motivated some mornings - my work is going through a quiet patch at the moment which actually makes it harder to get going in the morning and I miss the social side of work.

I also really miss my family as I haven't seen them for months and don't know when I will see them again as they live too far to do a day visit

Like everyone. I've had enough but I do try to count my blessings. I know we are more fortunate than some and just keep hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel!

Im so sorry to read some of these.

I'm a SAHM to a 13, 10 and 8yo. I've actually really enjoyed lockdown as I don't usually socialise anyway and the three kids get on like a house on fire. Also, DH has a job where he's home a lot (fewer shifts but decent pay) so life has been pretty normal.

However "WE" don't bake. I do it all.
I don't like eating stuff children make. Maybe it's a throwback to watching my classmates make a right arse of Home economics while I had been working in my family's restaurant for years so knew proper kitchen hygiene.

We initially painted a lot of rocks though. It did keep them quiet but I found I had to spend quite a bit to get suitable acrylic paints and a sealant for them. If you're gonna do it, do it right eh?

Other crafts, no so much. I'm not a fan of piddling about with messy crap.

The house is fairly clean but that's because I get the kids to pitch in once or twice a week and we all get a few tasks each. They understand that it's everyone's job to help each other. Why should I do it all while they sit their arses on Fortnite? They are more than happy to do their part, no quibbling about it either.

Homeschooling is irritating AF. Teen DD gets on with it by herself. I've not seen any. As long as she can binge watch Netflix shows she'll fly through her work.

DD (10) is a conscientious worker who throws herself into it without prompting.

DS (8) will do it only if I'm stood behind him constantly kicking him up the arse to get it done. He isn't naturally academic. His talent may lie elsewhere.

I've piled the weight on. My back is sore. And most of all I am sick to death of making meals. Normally I adore cooking. It's my passion. However, doing breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day is getting really tiresome and I hate having to constantly think what to cook. Takeout is on the rise. It used to be around twice a month but is getting nearer twice a week now.

The absolute worst thing about lockdown is that my dad received a shocking terminal diagnosis just as lockdown started. Each consultation reports that the Chemo didn't work, the radiotherapy is ineffective or that the rumours are growing.
My dad is dying. He's 200+ miles away and I can't even book a hotel to go and see him. The kids can't cuddle him. All I can do is FaceTime him every day and hope he's still there when lockdown ends. I will be going to stay with him or him coming to me no matter what the rules say.

2020 is a year that should be wiped from the calendars. Even those unaffected by lockdown specifically are suffering in some ways.

Working from home with a 10 year old, and a DH with bowel cancer. I could cry with how tough it's been, especially when I see all the happy, smiley social media posts. We were sent a letter at the end of march, followed up by GP surgery telling us to properly self isolate for the sake of my DH. In those first few weeks when people were going out for walks and posting baking/crafts, I felt so trapped indoors. All three of us are still indoors and I'm now so anxious about stepping outside the front door its unreal.

And most of all I am sick to death of making meals. Normally I adore cooking. It's my passion. However, doing breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day is getting really tiresome and I hate having to constantly think what to cook

^^
heartfelt yes to this

So sorry to hear about your dad FeelinFaggin that is truly and utterly crap.