I'm a size 16 and I think I'm pretty hot

[MermaidApocalypse]

Just to even out the fat shaming on another thread. I'm a size 14-16. I can still fit in jeans I wore in sixth form college, I've always been this way. I have stayed a similar size through physical jobs, sedentary jobs, two pregnancies, breastfeeding, having a personal trainer, driving and sitting at a desk all day. I think that for some of us this is our healthy size.
Despite this I have to acknowledge the science, excess calories minus insufficient exercise does cause weight gain. Saying that my GP isn't worried as I've not gained weight in a short space of time, I've stayed the same for 16 years. I did once get down to a 12 but I had to try so hard, 18 hour fasts, exercise four days a week. I know women who stay at a 12 doing sweet F.A!

The things that I hate hearing are that people who are a size 14 to 18 are unhealthy. My previous job was being the manager of a health food shop. I lifted boxes of dried pulses, nuts, oats all day every day. Twice a week the delivery van used to park two streets down and we would have to carry 40+ boxes back to the shop and up the stairs to the storeroom. Do you know how many skinny people couldn't do that, even once? I can lift 25kg without much effort, if the tits didn't get in the way, I'd make a good weightlifter!

I think when people talk about weight/size/BMI lots of different things get conflated, particularly in terms of 'healthy' and 'fit.'

I think there's three different categories: 'nutritionally healthy' in the sense of your diet meaning you get the right amount of macro/micronutrients, which has a huge impact on getting cancer, Alzheimers, etc etc. I know skinny vegans who live off chips and must be deficient in every nutrient going, and I'm sure there are people who are overweight purely because they eat too many wholegrains and vegetables and don't touch junk. That being said its probably fair to say there is a correlation with being overweight and eating too many genuinely unhealthy foods just because those foods tend to be higher calories, but it isn't a direct causal link that overweight = eating unhealthily. And at some ages, and for some conditions, being a bit overweight can be protective.

Then there's 'fit' and 'strong' - again, entirely separate to your weight, entirely possible to be weak and unfit and a 'normal' BMI, and fit and very strong and officially 'obese.' Its obviously better to be fit and strong than not to be.

And finally there's weight/BMI etc - and with certain conditions you'll have a higher risk with a high BMI no matter how nutritionally complete your diet is, or how fit and strong you are, and with others those two factors will have more of an impact.

So I never understand why these conversations play out like this. Its a bit bizarre the way people assume everyone who is overweight is surviving off chips and couldn't run 5k, but equally it doesn't make sense for people to say 'I can lift weights so the fact I'm overweight isn't effecting my health.' It might be, and it might not be.

But the advise on all this seems focused on numbers on the scale, when a holistic approach to health should focus on all three. Shaming people doesn't help. I don't think being a 14-16 at a standard height is likely to be enough overweight to have a significant weight-only effect on health - its more likely to be a problem if the reason for the weight is poor diet. But there is a massive obesity problem that is causing health impacts at a population level, and it is difficult to work out public health messaging on this that doesn't shame, but does encourage healthier lifestyle choices: all government interventions on this so far seem to have failed and as a parent I really struggle to know the right messages to pass on.

Imagine if a size 6/8 came on and started going on about how sexy they are, how great in bed; how they’ve got a ‘booty’ (cringe!) a model would be proud of, and how much they love their body ? They’d get slated. It’s such a hypocritical thing this body positivity stuff. I have seen it with my own eyes - one of my friends is about a size 24 and prolific on Instagram, posting bikini pics, tasteful topless shots etc, she is absolutely fawned over by followers, people telling her how gorgeous she is etc, Because she is ‘brave’ etc. Another friend who is probably a size 6 posted a few bikini pictures on holiday and the same friendship group are saying ‘she looks too thin’, ‘she loves herself’ etc.

Yep, have to agree. Even if it is generally held as the body ideal, the fact that people feel they have the right and that it's okay to comment things like eat more, you're so vain, making other people feel bad etc is a disgrace. Rightly so if someone commented on someone who is overweight saying wow stop eating, you obviously don't care about yourself they would get slated. No one should be commenting on anyone's bodies, just because someone is toned or of a healthy weight etc doesn't mean it's okay.

I personally also loathe the term 'skinny' and is often used in a derogatory way to sneer at people who apparently 'starve themselves'. This may in some cases be true but I do think there's nothing to be gained from comparing yourself to anyone else or sneering at those who look different as we are all unique. Personally I'd class myself as small, strong and toned (5ft 4 and around 8 stone). However, this in itself has no direct bearing on how good I am in bed or how attracted people are to me. It's all about how we feel in our own skin.

These threads are always started by people who are big, but are at pains to stress that they eat healthily and exercise. I'm fat, because i binge eat junk and don't exercise. My binge eating is as a result of the last few years being a constant, daily fight against ptsd, anxiety and depression. I don't eat healthily and don't exercise so does that mean I'm less justified in being fat than those that take care of themselves? I mean, we are still fat either way.

I'm glad you have confidence in your appearance and I agree no one should be shamed for their looks - it horrible to do to someone and no evidence shaming improves anything even if people want to play the health card for doing it, but I don't see what being hot has to do with health or one's ability to lift. They're not really related - one can be hot and unhealthy, plenty of hot disabled people. There are also once healthy, once famous powerlifters (some with tits) who ended up barely able to walk unassisted at the end of their careers - lifting a fuck ton on it's own doesn't make someone healthy or say much about someone's overall health. Muscle-building is great for many things, including to avoid the wastage common in older ages, but lifting a lot doesn't really prove much of anything beyond how much you can lift.

I know skinny kids that can lift 25kg and carry that and significantly more all over the place and large adults who can't even get half off the ground. 25kg isn't very much in what is essentially a deadlift, even at the lowest weight class and age. Muscle-to-weight ratio and muscle activation skills is far more important than overall weight, a large person with no experience is about as likely to have difficulty as a small one. Yes, powerlifters tend to be on the larger side, but that's because 'dirty bulking' is a faster way to gain muscle mass, alongside fat mass, and for the last few decades has been popular with a lot of lifters. Not so much anymore - the sport is getting more careful, the dirty bulkers don't tend to make it very long without shredding their knees and fucking up their backs and everything though if they don't cut their weight. It's well-known that to be 'good' for any length of time, especially after your mid-twenties and if you want to avoid joint replacement surgeries, you have to careful about body fat percentage. It's better to go down a weight class to preserve your career longevity than it is to stay or go up one for all even if you'll lift more for all but the youngest lifters because you'll end up fucked up in the end.

Clothes sizes mean very little for women either - I have clothes from 10 to 16 - and attractiveness is subjective. I've dated several hot overweight people and quite a few hot disabled people, married someone who is both. It can be very attractive, but for longevity it is a risk factor just as being underweight is, just as being a good weight but 'doing FA' is. It's hard to tell with clothes sizes as they are where someone, particularly in that middle range. We all have to balance the risks with whether the potential reward is worth it and the outcomes we want. For some, being in the ever fluctuating overweight category has its benefits, slightly heavier people survive certain things better than others of lower weights, for others being slightly in it can be too detrimental. It's nothing to do with looks, but with seeing a person, their risk factors, and what they want to do long-term as a whole.

Imagine if a size 6/8 came on and started going on about how sexy they are, how great in bed; how they’ve got a ‘booty’ (cringe!) a model would be proud of, and how much they love their body ?

I'll give it a go ....

• Am I sexy? No, not really.

• Good in bed? Fuck, I can't even remember what to put where due to lockdown: shall purchase instruction manual when social distancing falls from fashion.

• Booty? Flat as fuck and completely non-existent

• Do I love my body? Yes, I have the body I've always wanted. It rocks.

Slate away. I really haven't got two fucks to give

It sounds as though you are quite healthy. If you are reasonably tall, 16 is a good size. Marilyn Monroe was apparently size 16 and her figure was lovely.

one body, one life, enjoy it noone who really cares about you won't judge.
for the record i was nearly 20st and type 2 diabetes has helped dropped my weight to just over 9 1/2st. that's all very nice but apparently i STILL have a chronic condition.
i loved my body when i was bigger and i love it now.

Fat vs thin is another judgemental load of old crap that harms women. People are different, be kind and tolerant. Stop looking to beat other women down, you don't know their experience.

Well said

Well this thread is depressing.

Yay sisterhood....

I don't know why people pretend that "fat shaming" is the same as "thin shaming". It isn't. Being thin is seen as acceptable, desirable, necessary, required. Being fat is seen as lazy, disgusting, unattractive. It just isn't comparable. As much as people try to make it a thing.

@Dairyfairies

you complain about fat shaming but do the same to people who are slim. Nice one

and it is certainly not a healthy weight and there are long term health implications. It is nothing to brag about. You may be hot bit by the sound of it, also a bit dim.

How rude!! OP wasn't thin shaming - she was saying that being overweight doesn't necessarily mean you're not fit just as being slim doesn't necessarily mean you're fit.

I'm a size 18 and sexy. I have a major crush on Queen Latifah who I think is probably an 18 too. Women of all sizes can be sexy.

It depends on your height OP. If you are a size 16/18 and you are 5ft 9. However if you are that size and are 5ft 3 you obviously will look a lot different.

I feel/felt more sexy at a 16, at a 14 I feel a bit 'meh' and invisible. But then I think I have a reverse distorted body image.

Why is concern for the health of an overweight relative fat shaming?

Genuine question.

I have concern for the health of an extremely underweight relative, am I wrong to feel as I do about their health and future?

@HappyMealWithLegs

I don't know why people pretend that "fat shaming" is the same as "thin shaming". It isn't. Being thin is seen as acceptable, desirable, necessary, required. Being fat is seen as lazy, disgusting, unattractive. It just isn't comparable. As much as people try to make it a thing.

So you've never heard someone say 'Real women have curves' then? (What the fuck does that make me, a hologram?) How about 'Only dogs like bones'?. 'Anorexic bitch'? 'Looks like an Auschwitz inmate'?

I don't know why people pretend that "fat shaming" is the same as "thin shaming". It isn't. Being thin is seen as acceptable, desirable, necessary, required. Being fat is seen as lazy, disgusting, unattractive. It just isn't comparable. As much as people try to make it a thing.

this! "Big is beautiful" "All sizes are beautiful" sounds a little like "Black lives matter" "All lives matter!", and before anybody gets all upset I am not saying fat shaming is the same, or even nearly as serious as racism, but it is still a prejudice

@Lynda07

It sounds as though you are quite healthy. If you are reasonably tall, 16 is a good size. Marilyn Monroe was apparently size 16 and her figure was lovely.

Her ID card and modelling contracts and other official documents record her weight as 117 to 120lb (so around 8 and a half stone) and she was 5ft 5.5. So by modern standards she was probably a curvy size 8.

The issue with "thin shaming" is that as a society it's difficult to do that.

As a society we are constantly and consistently told that skinny = good. You can't deny that, it's absolute fact.

The point of trying to point out that it's possible to be sexy, happy, healthy etc at a larger size is that we don't get this from mainstream media - women at a size above 16 might be the average but that doesn't mean we're represented fairly and this is the point of trying to lift each other up.

It's not thin shaming, it's just trying to remind ourselves that we can be beautiful and healthy at a larger size because we are constantly hounded by media telling us we aren't worth shit unless we're a size 8 marathon runner.

Why is concern for the health of an overweight relative fat shaming? I don't know. The word fat is seen to be hurtful, mean etc in the UK and Irish culture. Many morbidly obese have suffered trauma too like alcoholism drug addiction there is self protection. People need support and help.
Over eaters anonymous just like AA and NA uses the 12 step recovery program. I haven't been in OE but I've experience of NA. Obviously not for those who enjoy some extra chips and cake but people suffering like an addicts hiding food, binge eating.

Marilyn Monroe was apparently size 16 and her figure was lovely

Not that old chestnut. Take a look at the measurements on her modelling card. 120lbs (8st 8lbs) 36-24-34

Yes, I have heard people say those things to slim/thin people. It doesn't change the fact that society tells us, at every available opportunity, that thin = good and fat = bad. I could pull up hundreds of threads on here that are filled with people obsessing over their weight, a strangers weight, a celebrities weight, how few calories they can eat and on and on. Look at this thread as an example - it was impossible for lots of people to just leave it alone and let it be a nice positive thread for those of us who are happy with our weight. You had to pile on, with your faux concern (because fat is bad, remember). You will never convince me that "thin shaming" is a thing, because it just isn't.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

I got to a 16 once and hated it. I'm 5' 10".

Yes! I'm 5' 11" and was a 16 post-pregnancies (13 month gap). I was fat and I hated it. I don't carry weight well, despite my height, because of my build.

It sounds as though you are quite healthy. If you are reasonably tall, 16 is a good size. Marilyn Monroe was apparently size 16 and her figure was lovely.

Marilyn Monroe was definitely not a size 16 @Lynda07. Or at least certainly not a modern British size 16. She had a 22 inch waist! Honestly what nonsense people end up believing to make us feel better about the fact that we are, as a society, getting fatter all the time.

I'm overweight, BMI 29.4, size 14 in most shops (size 12 in the ones that do the most vanity sizing) and I feel better than I did when I was obese but not nearly as good as I did when I was a normal weight. The extra weight is weighing me down. I do not feel ashamed of my body but I am trying to do the best for it by losing weight. I don't really care what weight people find me most attractive.