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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I get a dog?

65 replies

zscaler · 08/06/2020 13:33

My husband and I are both massive dog lovers, and have always wanted a dog. It hasn’t been possible up until now, because we both work full time out of the home and the dog would be left alone too long.

One of the few good things to come out of coronavirus is that both of the organisations we work for have confirmed that there won’t ever be a return to the ‘normal’ working pattern of everyone in the office full time, and that people will now actively be encouraged to WFH some or all of the time.

I am also pregnant, and my work have confirmed that I won’t need to be back in the office before I go on maternity leave (which I think will be for 10 months or so, and would start in December).

So it feels like a reasonable time - I am about to be at home for the next 18 months or so, and thereafter my husband and I can WFH on alternate days so there can always be someone at home. We also live very close to my PILs, who don’t have a dog themselves but who really love them and would happily help (we have discussed this with them).

The obvious con is that we are expecting a baby (our first) in December - is it totally mad to introduce a dog to the house a few months before a baby?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 08/06/2020 13:35

No. Not whilst you have a baby on the way.

Wait until your baby is at least 4-5 years old and will understand not bothering the dog if it’s sleeping or eating

SoupDragon · 08/06/2020 13:37

Have you ever been the one responsible for a dog before?

CMOTDibbler · 08/06/2020 13:38

Don't do it. A baby will be enough to manage. Wait until your youngest (assuming you intend to have more than one child) is school age, and then think about a dog and how it will fit into your life

LimitIsUp · 08/06/2020 13:39

Meh, tonnes of people combine babies and dogs successfully. As long as you respect that they shouldn't be left alone unsupervised until your child is much older then it's fine. However, puppies are time intensive and so are babies so you might want to consider spacing out their arrival a little more

NancyBotwinBloom · 08/06/2020 13:39

I would get a dog so that the dog and new baby can grow up together.

Our dog is very protective of our daughter. He follows her everywhere and is like her shadow.

Darbs76 · 08/06/2020 13:42

I really wouldn’t with a baby on the way. It’s a big responsibility. You will also have to pay a walker days you are in the office so factor that in. Not cheap

Boomclaps · 08/06/2020 13:43

I think yes, if the dog is older than six months.
You’ve got time to train them and work on things.
But I bought a puppy just before I found out I was pregnant - and will have a 1 year old cocker spaniel when DD arrives in eight weeks

NoSauce · 08/06/2020 13:43

I would wait personally.

Feelingpoorlysick · 08/06/2020 13:47

There is plenty of time to settle and train a dog before your baby arrives.
I would just suggest you do your research in regards to breeds.

Wolfiefan · 08/06/2020 13:47

No way. Not when you’re pregnant.

Lollypop4 · 08/06/2020 13:48

Dogs and babies are hard work.
We got a dog when our Ds was 9mths old and DD was 5...
It was hard work as our son wanted to constantly touch , play, disturb the dog.
Our dog was an energetic , intelligent breed which also made everything harder.
I would personally wait

Soubriquet · 08/06/2020 13:49

@LimitIsUp

Meh, tonnes of people combine babies and dogs successfully. As long as you respect that they shouldn't be left alone unsupervised until your child is much older then it's fine. However, puppies are time intensive and so are babies so you might want to consider spacing out their arrival a little more
People usually already have a dog before the baby is even conceived.
Vikingmamma · 08/06/2020 13:49

I wouldn't recommend it at all dont give yourself more work than you need....and it will be that, hard hard work.

FruChoc · 08/06/2020 13:51

Whilst I wouldn't get a puppy at this time - I would absolutely get an older (not specifically old old just not a puppy still) rescue dog. Many dogs are placed into foster homes pre placement and are used to children/families. Work with a shelter to find a match for your circumstance. I think it is potentially a great time to expand your family in this respect. Bonus with the dog loving inlaws!!

Lockheart · 08/06/2020 13:53

You say you're dog lovers, but does that mean you have experience raising and training dogs, or do you just like dogs?

If you've raised dogs before and you know what you're doing, I'd say go for it. You have plenty of time before the baby arrives.

If it would be a completely new experience, I would wait.

SharkasticRhymes · 08/06/2020 13:56

I have always had dogs and I would not get a puppy at the same time as having a first born child. In both cases you are likely to be going through a massive learning curve and both individuals are going to want/need more than 50% of your time and energy. I would consider it unfair to both, to bh.

There is not "enough time to train the dog before the baby arrives". There is, however, just enough time for the puppy to become a teenage arsehole in time for the baby's arrival. Around 6 months to 18 months old is often the most difficult time in raising a pup - which is why these aged dogs are the ones most likely to find themseleves rehomed. People find it too hard and give them up.

Plus all the practical elements like

  • the cost of puppies right now is through the roof because everyone wants one for Covid. If you are serious about a dog, many of these will flood the rescue centres once people are back at work and realise how different and difficult a teenage dog who has never been left alone is going to be
  • decent breeders will have sold any puppies already and will be holding back before breeding again, rather tha breed during a pandemic
  • getting hold of a puppy now (vs researching and being prepared to wait for the right dog) leaves you vulnerable to getting one from a poor breeder

Plus, I am about to be at home for the next 18 months or so - what happens after then? A puppy brought up with someone home all day for the first 18 months of it's life is likely to struggle being left regularly.

AriettyHomily · 08/06/2020 14:06

I got dad dog when I was pregnant with twins. Worked out perfectly, the three of them are best mates.

AriettyHomily · 08/06/2020 14:08

Ddog

Twigletfairy · 08/06/2020 14:10

If you do this, do not get a puppy. As much work as a new baby in some cases

Boomclaps · 08/06/2020 14:11

@SharkasticRhymes
I think you’re right, about the enough time to train a dog thing and my comment was slightly naive -
I’ve been involved with dogs since I was nine. Active in my local agility scenes, well linked with gundog trainers, have spent four to six hours a day training my dog since we got her. Well socialised, she comes to work with me sometimes. Goes to hospitals on visits, visits the brownies and scouts in the village and so on.
We had a mini hoopers course set up in our garden and she used to do three circuits of that every time the kettle boiled. We’d do trick training, teach her to close doors, fetch items by name, pull laundry from dryer to basket and so on, just as a game.
She’s 14 months and I think the high level of engagement and input she had meant she wasn’t as big an arsehole as most dogs during their teenagehood (although she did run off once and Christ alive it was awful)

Puppies are hard work, but older dogs, if no issues like separation anxiety and so on could possibly suit OP,
They don’t state their background though? So if first dog possibly worth waiting.

Fluffybutter · 08/06/2020 14:20

Definitely not with a baby on the way.
The puppy months are damn hard , harder than having a baby .
At least with babies you can take them everywhere with you or put nappies on them.
Our puppy had digestive issues so toilet training was so hard as it wasn’t easy to make it on time to the garden , in the morning the kitchen /crate was covered in runny crap .
He barked and whined every time I’d so much as leave the room , we couldn’t leave the house as he’d get so stressed out .
You can’t take your eye off them and they’re so expensive.
Maybe I’m the far end of the scale but I couldn’t imagine a puppy while pregnant

SharkasticRhymes · 08/06/2020 15:40

@Boomclaps Agreed - it wasn't a 'dig' but more an effort to illustrate to the OP that there is training and there is training.

By six months old a puppy is likely to be toilet trained (mostly), know how to sit and come when called and probably quite a few tricks too. But they won't yet know how to behave like a calm, adult dog in all scenarios. They are likely to get over excited, over stressed and boisterous. Perhaps even scared still as a fear phase kicks in. They may appear forgetful, stubborn, wayward, rebellious, aggressive, reactive and more - (many of those words don't strictly apply to dogs but form a nice way to describe the behaviour so that people understand what I mean).

At that age, they need time and patience and all the support you can give them to come through it to the other side. Some dogs do indeed, sail through their teenage months like nothing is happening. For some it lasts a few weeks and is over. For other a year or more of really poor behaviour ensues. For some dogs all that lovely acitivity and training you do with yours keep them well entertained, well behaved and well happy. For others it might be too much and they would need it to be dialled right back. The thing is, when you have a baby that needs to go to baby group and you need to take the dog because it's young and struggling to be left, you may not have the option to dial it back a bit - just one example.

When the dog goes through a fear phase and starts barking and lunging at other dogs in the street, this is much, much easier to handle if it's just you and the dog vs you, the dog and a pram with a baby.

When the dog gets over excited and jumps up and knocks over an ornament, that is easier to remain calm than when he jumps up and accidentally scratches your baby.

When the dog has had perfect recall for six months and then buggers off after a hare three fields over (or a cat three streets over) it is awful and stressful. But it is easier to run after the little bugger if there's just you, vs you and a baby.

Conversely, walking a dog twice a day, day-in, day-out in the rain and sun and hail and snow can be drag when you've had a full night sleep - especially for working breeds that tend to benefit from "proper" dog walks over field and forest etc. It's enough to break you when you're on your 100th night of little sleep, the washing is piling up, the house is a mess and all you really want is a hot bath and to go back to bed.

Of course, not all these things happen to everyone but they are all normal puppy/teenage occurances and so any/all could happen.

You'll know all this, so I am merely elaborating for the OP's benefit Smile

EnglishRain · 08/06/2020 15:54

If you haven't had a dog from a puppy yourself in the last 5-10 years, I wouldn't get a puppy right now. An older dog perhaps, but you don't want something going through a teenage phase at the same time as you muddle through being new parents. Young dogs are often a PITA. Some may be very straight forward, but I think it's asking for trouble to be honest! Unless you have done it recently and are very confident what you are letting yourself in for. I've got golden retrievers, my eldest is nearly 12 and my youngest nearly 4. No way would I get a GR pup six months before having a baby, some of them never grow up, some mature a bit when they are 2-3 years old Shock

FlubberWorm · 08/06/2020 16:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

puffinkoala · 08/06/2020 16:33

Not sure dogs and babies mix. As you are already pregnant, forget the dog.

And if you have a puppy it will be like having twins! I never realised puppies were so much work until someone told me it was like having a baby all over again.