To lose friends over BLM/political views

[SunshineSusan14]

I think I am quite a broad minded person and am happy to accept other people's views even if I don't agree with them but I've been very moved and educated by the BLM. Recently in a group chat of 5 friends they all started harping on about it with lots of passively racist comments - lots of "I'm not racist but..." and some truly vile and uneducated views. I put my point across and it all turned into a bit of a pile on.

I stood my ground as I feel strongly about it but was polite but now I just think do I really want friends who firstly have such terrible views and secondly can't be respectful about other people's points of view? I highly suspect they went on to slag me off in a private chat.

Meant to be meeting for a socially distanced drink later in the week but now I really don't feel like it. My mental health is already suffering right now I know it will be brought up. But if I don't go after not seeing them for so long it will probably send a message that I'm not bothered. Aibu? Have others experienced this?

Stand up for what is right!

Just because some people aren't understanding the situation/your point of view doesn't make them racist.

If your friends are generally decent people I wouldn't dump them over opposing views.

I find these posts very strange. I have friends who wear fur when I am anti. I am massively GC (it's probably my biggest passion atm) and have friends who believe in self ID which riles me know end and for me is as much of an issue as BLM. But there's more to them than our opposing views. I can love them and accept that we think differently in things (and we don't discuss those things because we feel equally passionate about the opposing sides). I probably think differently to some of my friends on BLM - that's fine - a view in one thing doesn't define a person for me. But you have to make your own mind up

Racism very much would define a person for me, and I’d lose them as a friend. If they care, say it’s important to you and ask them to read a few books (Noughts and Crosses, Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race). Otherwise chuck them as friends, life is too short!

@lucyintheskywithcz

I find these posts very strange. I have friends who wear fur when I am anti. I am massively GC (it's probably my biggest passion atm) and have friends who believe in self ID which riles me know end and for me is as much of an issue as BLM. But there's more to them than our opposing views. I can love them and accept that we think differently in things (and we don't discuss those things because we feel equally passionate about the opposing sides). I probably think differently to some of my friends on BLM - that's fine - a view in one thing doesn't define a person for me. But you have to make your own mind up

Do you think fur and race is an equal comparison?

There’s a bigger picture to race than there is fur. Come on you must realise this.

Fur is not affected your life directly

I find these posts very strange. I have friends who wear fur when I am anti. I am massively GC (it's probably my biggest passion atm) and have friends who believe in self ID which riles me know end and for me is as much of an issue as BLM. But there's more to them than our opposing views. I can love them and accept that we think differently in things
You sound like someone I had a heated disagreement with recently. They seemed to think racism is a difference of opinion matter. I think it's a fundamental issue of human rights and I could no more be friends with a racist than I could a misogynist.

Gross amount of posters on this thread taking the ‘differing opinions means lively debate’ angle.

Racism isn’t an interesting difference of opinion. Racism is disgusting. It’s foul. And it’s so, so stupid.

OP I can’t see how you can continue friendships with these racists.

As a PP said, morals over friendship every time.

I stopped talking to quite a few people when the same sex marriage referendum and abortion referendums were going on at home. Havent seen much "all lives matter" bs on my facebook at all, so I just presume that I already weeded those people out over the last few years and I'm happy that I did. No loss at all.

Racism is beyond a difference of opinion, it’s immoral.

@Sweetlikecoca I think sex and race are equal comparisons

[quote lucyintheskywithcz]@Sweetlikecoca I think sex and race are equal comparisons [/quote]
I wouldn’t say equal. But I can see your point.

I am presuming here though that we are talking disagreeing with marching during covid or not understanding white privelege as opposed to out and out racism. That would be different

@Sweetlikecoca thank you. I understand white privilege because I see and directly suffer from male privilege and there are many similarities . I also understand that many males can't understand male privilege because they struggle to accept they have an automatic advantage daily in everything they do. That doesn't make them a bad person or a sexist person - they just can't see it. I think that's the same with a lot of white people - sometimes you can explain it to them and they get it - sometimes you can't but it doesn't mean they are inherently racist. Just I guess narrow minded!

No we need to be clear here. I’m assuming your based in UK. Me and my friend (she is Romanian born lived in UK 10 years) discussed the man who worked for BBC and joke about Harry & Megs baby looking like a monkey and even attached a photo of a monkey too
So my friends view was that it was a SILLY thing to do and he shouldn’t of got sacked.......
Let that sink in it was 2019!! All over the Internet.

There’s narrow minded and dam right racist. We cannot make excuses if you don’t know something absolutely it’s not a crime... to COMMENT on someone’s skin tone in a derogatory way *is unacceptable by far

I agree

lucyintheskywithcz if you have never or never known so-called white privilege, why would you think it’s a thing? As we know nowadays not everything you hear and read is true, If you do experience a racist comment, is that a white privileged thing or just one person being racist?

I'm not sure what you mean tbh but if you are asking me if I believe white privilege is a thing then I do in the same way as male privilege is a thing.people don't do it on purpose and it's an unconscious thing but they do have bias towards people who look like them and as a result of what they have been socialised to believe. We all have these biases - it's perfectly normal and will never change but once we understand we have them we can counteract them. That said, There are many things I disagree with that I have heard in the BLM boards but I do think POC suffer as a result of unconscious bias which leads to white privilege.

Of course white privilege exists
It’s why I never got caught as a prolific teenage shoplifter
And boy did I take advantage
Not knowing it was white privilege at such a tender age

Not white privilege just maybe good at shop lifting

Yes - shoplifting probably not the best example 😂😂

You realise that people can have different opinions about race, disparities, causes of racism, historical race issues, without being racist, right?

There are a variety of opinions on these things within academia, sociology, among activists, in the black community. There are differences of opinion even on statistical analysis around disparities - which shouldn't be a surprise, disagreements about statistics are an issue in many areas.

Yes people can have difference of opinion on the above points but Racism is more than a difference of opinion. What the op described was racism.

So it's a question for the op of racists friends or no racist friends?

I know which one I would choose.

And whilst I don't want to be surrounded by an echo chamber, I see no point in being friends with rabid trans activists (the type who are setting back the trans cause and taking away women's rights, places and definitions), racists, those who are right wing, hard core tory voters, people who don't believe in God and who mock religion (it has to be both), incels, misogynists, narcissists etc

YANBU OP, and I am the same. There is no excuse for racism, whether casual racism, or in your face racism. None. I would lose friends over it, I would. Absolutely. You're the one who has to live with your morals at the end of the day. They don't care less about anyone else and are not bothered by conscience.

For all those 'All Lives Matter' bs comments on Facebook, I came across a great meme to post in response, it is my go-to reply:

flirtygirl

The OP described very little.