To feel depressed as a black mum

[Mamathebest]

I have a lovely two year old boy. On occasion since giving birth I have pondered about his future here in the UK. At the moment with everything going on it just brings it to the forefront. In 8 years time I have to accept that people and those in power will look at him as a potential “thug”, “criminal” and use these as excuses to treat him less than a human. He will be stopped and search many time’s and have to deal with the degradations that come with this. He won’t have the same opportunities or support as his white peers.

At some point I I’ll have to explain to him and teach him to be very fearful of police. And at the same time try to do my best to keep away from drugs/gangs/crime that is rife in economically disadvantaged communities who have little government support. Our black boys are set up for failure. There are no second chances once you make a mistake because there’s barely a chance to begin with. I sometimes wonder if I should just leave the U.K all together really.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and see if other mums out there might feel the same way.

Can you imagine, I've only met one black doctor and I was even shocked? I thought, why is this? It should not be this way?

That's just your experience. I'm 34 and I know more black doctors than white, the UK has lots of black doctors.

www.ethnicity-facts-figures.service.gov.uk/workforce-and-business/workforce-diversity/nhs-workforce/latest

Stats on uk medical staff by ethnicity.

You have done a good thing writing this post op. The only way I see anything changing is if people being allowed to express their fear, anger and despair at the racism rife in our society.

Unless we can all agree that racism and discrimination exists, nothing will ever change.

Mamathebeast I also wonder if it's to do with culture. I am just about to complete my MSC in Occupational Therapy. Let me tell you this, on the first day I attended a lecturer, I counted how many black people were on my course, only 5 out of 100 students, the rest were majority white and a few Asians and Hispanics.

My DS is disabled, and we attend many disability functions, go to private clinics to access therapy for him. I have only seen two black families, when we access these places, the majority are white. I asked my friend, who is also black and has a disabled DC, why is this? She reckoned it's to do with our culture, having a disabled DC brings about shame and we are likely to "hide" our disabled children at home.

Gin I agree.

No senior doctors?? You've seen a lot of black senior doctors?

I hear you. I don’t want it to be true but I know it is. I’m heartened by the current protests but I know we have such a long way to go.

Am I the only person who has worked with senior successful black people in the uk? Why do brown people do so well if it’s all about skin colour?

Muminabun I've worked with lots of successful people of most ethnicities too, including black.

Me too but not in an inner city. Although we do have crime it’s a million miles from the crime in London. I’ve never seen anyone targeted because of their skin colour. I’ve seen plenty of people targeted because they are criminals or known for committing certain crimes, ie, stopping people because you know they take and sell drugs, stopping someone because they are out at 3am and you know they are a burglar.
@Pantsupyourbum You are right, there are many very dedicated and passionate Police officers. There are good and bad apples in every profession.
I’m sorry you have to live with these worries OP.
In relation to something being done about knife crime for example, what are the parents doing to police their teenagers. It’s not all down to the government.

I am not black, but one of my friends is mixed-race, and she has two sons (their father is white). One of them would be assumed to be white by most people. The other is visibly mixed-race.

I expect she probably feels depressed about how one of her sons is likely to have a more difficult life than the other, simply because of their appearance.

Ok more succintly, your language was defeatist OP.

Of course you can't prevent them from facing prejudice, however saying they are 'set up for failure' is a very negative statement which I have seen conveyed to children by adults before, with the result that they think any efforts they make will be a complete waste of time and stop trying.

Sorry if that's not what you intended and it was just to express your sadness.

Instead of teaching him to fear the police, why not say he could be the police and he could change the system. Why not say he can be who he wants to be. TEach him to turn away from drugs and knife crime tell him about influential people who are black, open doors for him.
Also regarding your brother have you files a police complaint, have you contacted legal advice as to why they did not check out CCTV?

I beseech anyone talking about “black on black” knife crime to watch Akala on YouTube and his debate with Piers Morgan on the subject. The race is irrelevant to the crime. The statistics for stabbings etc among white people is so much higher. It just receives this title because of the heirachaly racist society we live in.

Just wanted to wholeheartedly agree with Jimdanady. Young black men statistically the most likely to be the victims of crime, not the perpetrators of it.

No I'm sorry. I looked at the link you sent. Unless I'm reading it works .About 80% of medical staff in senior positions are white. Let's no kid ourselves that the vast majority of are black. It's a huge problem in society and many black medical professionals are raising awareness towards this, including people in my field of occupational therapy.

the statistics for stabbings etc among white people is so much higher please can you back this up with evidence?

@june2007

Instead of teaching him to fear the police, why not say he could be the police and he could change the system. Why not say he can be who he wants to be. TEach him to turn away from drugs and knife crime tell him about influential people who are black, open doors for him. Also regarding your brother have you files a police complaint, have you contacted legal advice as to why they did not check out CCTV?

I guarantee the OP will be teaching her child to stay away from knives and drugs, I highly doubt many parents do the opposite.

Did you mean to sound so patronising?

The truth is that I suspect the vast majority of black parents try to instil pride and achievement in their children. I’ll certainly be pushing my son to reach to the top.

However I’ll also be making sure that he is aware of some features that may work against him.

I think it,s just sounds a very defeatist post and it doesn,t have to be. Change the conversation and change the vision. Not meant to be patronising.

Thanks for the lesson, I’ll be sure to do better.

YANBU. My cousins are mixed race. Their parents ending up moving to a very white, rural location to lessen the 'risks factors' you mentioned.

@CourtneyLurve how were they received?

We’ve debated doing the same, but we are born Londoners (Now I’m the suburbs) who love the city. I think we can keep our son safe, but what if we cannot?

Friends of mine moved to a white south east area. Last year they had a swastika scratched into a tree outside their house.

Idiots everywhere Leaf80. Worst overt ignorance/racism I have seen is in London. But my home town had drug issues and a lad got stabbed in walking distance to where I am now.

This is heartbreaking. No parent should have to feel like this. I do think London is completely different to the rest of the country tbh. I think there's just so many people it magnifies the issues. I don't know how to help, I wish I could. I'm so sorry you face this everyday.

I think calling such people idiots is minimising, do you realise how intimidating that is?

She was absolutely terrified and scared that her house would be burned down.

As I would be.

My husband was first called a N* at age 9 by a policeman for picking something up on a zebra crossing, delaying traffic.

I was first called a n* in primary school by a classmate.

Both in London.

I look at my beautiful funny darling baby boy and sometimes wonder how can I prepare him to make sure the sting is taken out?