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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Puppy being left alone the majority of the day...

115 replies

Puppyproblem123 · 07/06/2020 12:25

My fiancé and I don't live together, and at the beginning of the lockdown (before it was announced) he decided to get a puppy. We are planning to buy a house together. I have a cat and 2 DC. When lockdown was announced he came to live with us, bringing along the puppy. Puppy is now 5 months old.

I am very concerned about the puppy as it gets very little interaction throughout the day and I have no experience with dogs, only my cat. DP gets up in the morning to walk the puppy, then we walk him again in the mid-afternoon around 4pm. We are both working from home and I am also juggling the 2 DC, so the puppy is left on its own for hours in the conservatory with access to the garden. For example, this morning DP took the puppy for a walk (7am - 9am) and the puppy has been on its own since. DP has been playing playstation and I have been working, the puppy has been barking and crying. Occasionally DP will go in when the puppy is barking and put him in the crate so he can go back to playing playstation. It seems cruel to me. I am concerned that the puppy will end up with issues or badly socialised. I have never had dogs before so I don't know if this is normal or how you are supposed to care for a puppy.

I never agreed to this puppy, and I cannot have the puppy running free roam in the house whilst juggling the 2 DC, working, trying to maintain an orderly home and with my cat who doesn't like the puppy and constantly hisses or tries to attack the dog. Hence why the puppy is contained to the conservatory with access to the garden.

OP posts:

MistyIsland · 07/06/2020 15:22

Sounds like neither of you are willing to actually look after the puppy, please re home him with a reputable charity.

I have 2 dc, have been working from home and have a 7 month old puppy, he’s not left for hours in a bloody hot box that’s what conservatory’s are in this heat

Friedbluetomatoes · 07/06/2020 15:22

As a life long dog owner and a dog walker, I plead with you to rehome this poor pup whilst he is still young and has a good chance to be rehomed to the right family. You’ve made a mistake, just admit it, rehome home him, move on and never have a dog again.
And on a side note a conservatory is one of the worst places to keep him, surely you know that?

MistyIsland · 07/06/2020 15:24

Sorry pressed post too soon!

Sounds like an excuse to me! I manage to find time to play, train him. And a 2 hour walk for a puppy (I may have read that wrong) is terrible for their joints.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 07/06/2020 15:29

Clearly he intends to leave the puppy for hours o. End when he hoes back to work

lynsey91 · 07/06/2020 15:32

This thread has made me close to tears. How on earth can he (or you) listen to that poor puppy cry and just ignore it?

He is a baby for goodness sake. You are both being cruel. Why can he not spend time with your family. He needs to be with you. Cats and dogs can get on fine and why can't he be with your children?

He must be so lonely on his own so much. He needs playing with, training etc. Is he house trained? How many meals a day is he getting? Puppies need 4 or 5 meals a day.

If he is not socialised you going to end up with a dog with lots of problems. I have a dog I got at 7 months who was never socialised at all. We have had him 6 years and, I will be honest, he has been a nightmare. He is scared of everything and everyone except us. He barks at everyone and everything because he is scared of them. He had 3 homes in the 2 weeks before we got him and they all gave up on him, one after 1 day, one after 3 days and one after a week. We will never give up on him but not many people have our patience

DamnYouAutoCabbage · 07/06/2020 15:33

@Puppyproblem123 it's not a good situation for that poor puppy. Please don't believe your dp when he says this is OK, it's not... What breed is the dog? If its a small breed, I'd be happy to rehome it. I can not stand animals being treated like this.....

Thelnebriati · 07/06/2020 15:37

Your partner wants a puppy but he hasn't taken any responsibility for meeting its needs.
Puppies really don't need walks as much as they do socialisation, interaction and training. Dogs that have not been socialised are nervous and a high risk for defensive aggression, which they are then blamed for.

WoollyMammouth · 07/06/2020 15:39

You knew about the puppy before he moved him so you’re both neglecting it. You can’t pass the entire blame on to him, you’re both as bad and irresponsible.

SimonJT · 07/06/2020 15:43

The poor pup.

I collected my pup on Thursday, I have been on the breeders waiting list for over a year, a puppy is not something to get on a whim.

You may have said no to the dog but by standing by can you see how it can be seen that you are also neglecting the puppy.

I have chosen a particularly stubborn breed, but even if I hadn’t a puppy needs to be around the family, that includes the children and the cat. Yes, puppies nip and yes it hurts, but if the puppy is kept away from the children how is he going to learn how to behave around them? How will a puppy locked in a conservatory be toilet trained? My puppy has been here since Thursday, he has already learned not to piss the cat off.

Mine is only 11 weeks old so he can’t go for walks yet, I still want to go out so instead of abandoning him at home I pop him in a rucksack. At home he has 5-6 short training sessions perday with lots of positive praise. I also take him outside every 30-40 minutes for toilet training.

Yes, dogs do need to learn to spend some time alone, but this needs to be a positive experience and being locked in a conservatory when the puppy can still hear the household is cruel. You start small, a couple of minutes, then five, then ten. What will he do when he goes back to work? Has he booked doggy daycare or a dog walker?

Puppys are cute, mine is obviously the cutest, but they’re hard work. Link is being so good at the moment, but I’m well aware that the teenage months are around the corner and he’ll be very testing during that time.

1forAll74 · 07/06/2020 15:51

I think that the puppy should be rehomed. I can't believe that people just GET a puppy,and it's just a side line in the home. Barking and whining, and put in a crate etc. And then going out to work later,leaving the dog on it's own.. So,totally irresponsible, and a person does not deserve to have a dog friend in this situation.

Tappering · 07/06/2020 15:58

This is really true. I've had dogs all my life. My dogs come from the rescue centre I support. I've also taken dogs on foster - old and young. Without exception the hardest to look after are puppies, because they need so much attention. Not just training and taking outside to encourage house-training - but also in terms of time with you. Dogs are social animals and need human contact to thrive.

One of the things that I really hate about lockdown is the number of people who are rushing off to buy puppies, without any thought or care about what they will do with them post-lockdown. A dog is for life, and the decision to have one should be really carefully thought through. It's a huge commitment - both in terms of time and finances. I have to say I am dreading the return to normality simply because so many of these puppies are going to end up being dumped - and rescues like the one I support are already bulging at the seams with unwanted dogs.

It's a sad fact that the younger the dog is, the more likely it is to be re-homed. Once a dog gets past 5 it's really difficult. Older than 8 or 9 and you can pretty much forget it.

SparkLee · 07/06/2020 16:05

DP took the puppy for a walk (7am - 9am) and the puppy has been on its own since. DP has been playing playstation and I have been working, the puppy has been barking and crying. Occasionally DP will go in when the puppy is barking and put him in the crate so he can go back to playing playstation

You're right to feel concerned because that is just fucking cruel and abusive. Who the fuck could look at a tiny, crying pup and the first thoughg they have is to lock it away???

I have a dog and I know how whiney and clingy they are as puppies but you don't just ignore them and lock them up in a crate, that's not what a crate is for!

Honestly, I could never forgive my DH for this if he treated d a tiny, helpless creature this way. Fucking disgusting.

vanillandhoney · 07/06/2020 16:10

Sorry OP but you're just as bad as he is. How can you sit there and let him treat a puppy like this?

dewisant2020 · 07/06/2020 16:10

Poor poor dog, our dog is a huge part of our family and is treated as such I couldn't imagine treating her like that

Bluesheep8 · 07/06/2020 16:20

Count your lucky stars that this is a puppy and not a baby !!

I doubt the poor puppy is counting his or her lucky stars. The best thing to do is regime them both. The puppy AND the fiancé.

Bluesheep8 · 07/06/2020 16:21

rehome and preferably not together.

heartsonacake · 07/06/2020 16:30

I actually think you bear a lot of the blame here OP and are trying to get out of it with “I didn’t want a puppy”.

Okay, so you didn’t want a puppy. But you’re not an idiot; you’re aware how long dogs live. And you’re engaged to this guy, so at some point you will live together and thus know you will end up living with the dog anyway.

Being that you are supposedly getting married, as such a committed couple a puppy should have been a joint decision because it would (eventually) impact the both of you.

So when he said he was getting a puppy you should have discussed it and said no, you didn’t want one. If he still insisted on getting one then you aren’t compatible, he doesn’t respect you and you should have split up.

So yeah, the blame for the abuse and neglect this puppy is receiving lays equally with the both of you.

VetOnCall · 07/06/2020 16:38

The puppy needs to be responsibly rehomed - neither your 'D'P nor you either want to or can provide appropriate care for him/her. The way they are being treated right now is cruelty, and while you didn't buy the pup yourself, they are in your house and you are being complicit in allowing the mistreatment to happen.

Puppies should not be going for hours-long walks, it's damaging to their joints, so unless the pup is actually being carried for most of the 2+ hours that needs to stop immediately. They need short walks 3-4 times per day and rest, play, training and company in between.

You absolutely cannot continue to leave the puppy shut in the conservatory for hours on end. This will not 'teach them to be left', the pup is already showing extreme distress by continually crying, and this will only get worse. This is not how dogs learn, this is how extreme psychological damage is caused. If after lockdown you will both be out at work all day, kids at school etc. then you CANNOT keep this dog. It cannot be expected to spend the majority of its life alone, closed in a conservatory, it is utterly cruel. Aside from anything else conservatories get at best uncomfortably and at worst dangerously hot.

This thread is honestly very upsetting. If you pm me I can give you some details of good rescue organisations who use foster homes and will be able to find the pup a home that can meet his/her needs. Please OP, do not let this continue.

MyDogPatch · 07/06/2020 16:40

Oh, this breaks my heart.

I don't have any advice but to try and reasoned with your DP that this dog is suffering and that unless your DP steps up and starts taking proper care of him, you will re-home both of them.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 07/06/2020 16:41

Hi OP. I don't know where abouts in the country you are, but if you are in the South of England I'd be happy to adopt the puppy if you are thinking about rehoming it.

I knew this would happen with a lot of people - they got puppies when they started WFH and then remembered they have to go back to work at some point. The Dog's Trust is going to be very busy this summer, I feel!

SparkLee · 07/06/2020 16:44

Op, please come back to the thread and tell us how you are going to help this poor puppy. A lot of us are worried.

DamnYouAutoCabbage · 07/06/2020 16:45

Excellent post @VetOnCall I just hope the op hasn't disappeared and does something about this. The poor puppy.

Racheyg · 07/06/2020 16:58

Like @SimonJT we have recently brought home our puppy and she is part of the family.

I could never imagine living with or even think about marrying a man that cared so little about a life.

I hope you rehome the dog and get a new partner

4Smalls · 07/06/2020 17:10

Never ask for advice about dogs on MN OP - people lose their minds.

OP is asking for advice here - she's aware the current situation is bad. That's why she's asking what to do, which is a good thing! There's been some good practical advice offered, but name calling and marriage advice are out of order, eg Yet another dickhead buying a puppy without wanting to look after it. I'd have to dump him for his cruelty and stupidity to be honest. Ffs.

4Smalls · 07/06/2020 17:12

PS: @VetOnCall's post is superb.

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