To ask what you wish you had learnt in antenatal classes

[WWYD00]

I had a thread running yesterday about my six month old son who has positional plagiocephaly (flat head syndrome). This is inspired by a comment on there of a private practice midwife who talks to expectant parents about prevention of plagiocephaly. This is something I wish I had learnt about at NCT rather than all the pregnancy bits which were pretty irrelevant seeing as I was 8 months pregnant already.

There are other things I wish I had learnt about too. I spent money on an expensive electric steraliser and it was awful. I ended up with a £10 Milton bucket which I love. Granted I may have made the same choice again, but what do you wish you'd learnt in antenatal rather than what you did (I didn't do the NHS ones so can't say whether it was covered there or not!).

@MittensTheSerpent that's not a bad suggestion. I gave feedback at our "reunion" but tbh I don't think it will have even been taken on board. I was definitely not the intended expectant mother. I couldn't buy into this no drugs, breathing would save you etc. I was already going to be induced early and it was barely covered just told all the scary parts about it how it would be painful and awful. Thankfully my consultant was lovely and reassuring that I'd made the right decision for me. The midwives were amazing as was a trainee paramedic I had too.

They showed me an epidural needle and then banged on about not eating too much. Also insisted I bring a pillow or buy one. Complete waste of time and caused quite of lot of anixey. Wished I'd stayed at home and done some more cross stitch/eating my cravings

The NHS book was brilliant though taught me everything I needed to know. It was my Bible.

What a retained placenta is and also that some babies ( looking at you daughter) decide that coming out superman style ( one arm first) also happens and that trying to deliver a head and shoulder together is unbearable when you're also going for natural pain killer free childbirth.

How much you bleed afterwards and those big maternity pads.....keep them close to hand.

And most of all how sometimes being a mum of a newborn makes you want to weep with frustration when you just dont know why they won't stop howling.

I had my daughter 28 years ago mind you...maybe this is covered now?

Thay it's a good idea to go to them even if you pay for private ones (1 hour for NHS midwife to cram everything in)
Things to do bto ease the pain, how long it'll go on for, once you are induced you're not going to come out of hospital until you've had your baby.
As you can tell I didn't have a clue what to do!

Things I didn’t know which would have been good:

• when you are 10cm, you don’t necessarily start pushing straight away... I had an epidural, had been induced, never double checked why this was, but had to wait two hours for baby to descend... I was so impatient just to go for it and actually was exhausted by time I was allowed to push *you only get so long to push, I pushed for two hours but then needed instrumental delivery (I did know from NCT that the risk of instrumental delivery after epidural was increased in fairness and also she Had talked through who would be in the room and how many people to expect... I had twins so I knew there would be a lot!)

She was good however at explaining about advocating for ourselves or getting partners to advocate, and how to talk through the risks and benefits of anything.. oh and talking through options.

I had my babies in the 90s and only attended NHS classes for my first pregnancy. Learned some relaxation techniques for getting to sleep when you're massively pregnant which actually were useful. Also covered basic care of baby which was good for me as I hadn't got a clue.
BUT! Nothing about possible interventions during labour, nothing about episiotomy, stitches, how much everything fucking hurts and what to do about it. My first was born 3 weeks early as I was induced for pre-eclampsia. Forceps, massive episiotomy, badly stitched, can still remember the pain 28 years later. I was traumatised by the birth and felt guilty, that I'd done birth 'wrong.' It was only years later that I learned how serious pre eclampsia can be, yet it was never once mentioned by any health professional. I got more information from Dr Miriam Stoppard's books! (No internet back then!) It's worrying to read that these issues are still not covered.
I was very angry that the classes had made labour, birth and breastfeeding sound 'natural' and something that could be managed. Sometimes it's brutal, overwhelming, traumatic. Surely there must be a better way to prepare women?
I don't mean scaring the everloving shit out of people, but being realistic, and making sure women understand what is happening to them. I think a major issue is support afterwards. I was lucky in that I had an excellent health visitor. Women need compassionate, non-judgemental, knowledgable support after they have given birth. Sadly with women's services cut to the bone, it doesn't look as though this will be an option.

I think like most things in life experiences are variable!

I had a high risk pregnancy (age and GD) and was expecting a section and to FF. I had prepped for both.

But my induction didn’t work (I had a reaction so they had to remove pessary almost immediately) and I had a quick natural labour by accident and fell in to BF as it was easier for us than I ever imagined it would be. I went in wanting an epidural at the very least but it was too quick. No-one is more surprised than me, I was expecting the worst.

Our NCT was 24 hours over 8 weeks I think and we spent loads of time on:

Pain relief pros and cons
Interventions pros and cons
Breathing
Partner as advocate and birthing plans - what to do with placenta, vit K etc
Feeding inc lots on cluster feeding and feeding issues
Induction and CS we spent a whole session on as we knew we had at least one CS and one induction in the group

We were asked to write down what we wanted to cover in the first week so she tailored the content to suit. We definitely had a good leader and a good group, it’s a shame it varies so much.

I went to NHS classes for my first (I have 2). I thought it was great, most of it was about interventions actually! I felt they were trying to prepare you just in case. I didn't need any for either birth. They should have mentioned about the bit where you shit yourself though! Didn't get offered classes or a birth plan for my second. Not sure if that was due to funding or what, but i did get offered hypnobirthing classes for free. They were great, i just went and listened to whale music and basically just had a nap in a room with lots of other women once a week. This is Wales though, maybe we do it differently. I think we do as despite being over 40 i wasn't offered induction and gave birth naturally at 40+2. Who knows. They have a great feeding service here too, which is equally aimed at BF and FF and they are clear about that.

I gave birth overseas so went to some nhs alternatives. I would have liked more info on what can go wrong. It was only after they dragged dd out with the vacuum cup they said ooh shes a star gazer, but I didnt know that meant back to back.

I would say that the best thing about NCT for me was the fantastic women I met. Ours was a small group (4 couples) and split down the middle in terms of FF/BF and vaginal birth/C-section (2 vaginal birth EBFers and 2 C-section FFers). Everyone supported everyone else and never judged and they’re just really kind, funny women.

That WhatsApp group was my lifeline in those hard early months. I consider myself very fortunate.

How awful labour would be, that all your plans would go out the window. How scary it is when your baby needs resuscitated, taken to ICU and incubated. What happens when your cord snaps and it has to be manually removed. That 30% of First time mothers need intervention during labour. How to breastfeed when you can only hold your babies hand through a port hole :'(

I wish my classes had focused more on what could go wrong so I could have been somewhat prepared. We did NCT and it was rubbish. Complete nonsense. Focused so much on the 'natural' methods and how they were more superior than the use of drugs or God forbid a csection. Our leader spent about ten minutes on getting a c section. The only 'advice' I can remember regarding c sections was that I could insist the surgeon stops talking and the baby could be born into silence 🙄 like I'm going to order the person who could save the life of my child and myself to be silent. As I lay on the bed being prepped for emergency surgery I felt completely helpless. Some good education on this could have helped so much in a traumatic situation.