To ask if 6 years is too big an age gap?

[BillUnloved]

Not that I can do anything about it now as I'm 3 months pregnant, but I'm feeling quite worried. Worried as there'll be a 6 year age gap and worried because we've found a degree of sanity and ease with life that's going to be wrecked.

So I guess AIBU to ask whether if you've got a big age gap if it's terrible? And how hard was it going back to the beginning and going up to 2?

At age 15 yes, at age 30, no.

Just to clarify, we’re talking about age gap between having children, not between partners?

I have 6 years between dd1 and ds (and dd2 in the middle). DD1 mothers ds, always has done, and it's not been a problem.

There’s exactly 6 years between mine.

On the plus side, it was nice that dc1 was at school when dc2 came along, as I could spend time going to baby groups/having a nap etc.

On the minus side they have never been very close, they are like chalk and cheese character wise and the age gap as well means that it’s always been very hard to keep them both entertained, or find places they’d both be happy to go to. It’s a bit easier now that they’re 10 and 16 in the sense that at least the little one doesn’t annoy my eldest so much. They still don’t really hang out or do anything together though.

I have an eight year gap, it is amazing. My DS doted on baby DD. She idolised him. They are now 15 and 23. They argue, mess around, play games and generally do the same as siblings close in age.

I didn’t let DS look after DD on his own until he was 16 and she was 8 and only because he wanted to.

He takes her to the cinema and picks her up from gym when I am working on Saturday. They have a lovely relationship.

When they were younger we tended to take them to places for DS and DD tagged along. As they got older (teenage), DS went out with his friends and we took Dd to places for her. She missed him a lot when he was at Uni, last year he and his girlfriend took DD to Comicon with them. .

For me the gap has been great.

DH and DBIL have a similar age gap. I think the major difference is that when I first met them they were at such different life stages. And they still are...doesn’t mean that they don’t get on. But somehow it’s a bit different.

13 years between my 2. Fight like mad. Annoy each other. But eldest home when youngest is off school and I have to work. All it costs me is a pizza. Eldest 23, youngest 11..brilliant..

I’ve a 5.5 year gap, with #2 born days before lockdown. It’s lovely, #1 is besotted with the baby and loves being helpful.

There's a 6 year age gap between my DC.

When DS was born DD was in school so I had plenty of time with him which was great. They've never really been play mates. ATM teenage DD is more like a second parent to DS, rather than a sibling. A different kind of relationship but still a lovely one none the less.

But I had a second child because I wanted a second child. For us. Not just as a play mate for DD.

It has it's moments.
My 2nd is definitely more advanced, 1st isn't really interested in him and can be dismissive of his innocence, he invades her space they argue 11 & 5, they do love each other too they'll play with Lego, crafts, it can be a balancing act. Preteen moods are tough such a change of character whereas the little one wants company.

Sorry haven't read the full thread! Mine are 6 years apart (also have younger one). They are bestest pals! My oldest (16) is so protective over his wee sis (10)! Little brother just dies as he pleases 😂

İ have 4 DC. The age gap between neldest and youngest is 6 years. Yes 4 kids in 6 years. Eldest is great. He is 7 now and he is more helpful than my 3 year old Nd 5 year old. And he can watch her while pop to the loo etc. He has taught a few words and loves them all really. maybe I'm lucky but mine all get on really well. They fight bit it will last 5 minutes and then they are playing again

Depends on their personality and i think on how responsible thus are. İt's not a huge age gap

I have a 6 year gap between mine and it's lovely. They have an amazing relationship, they're now 7 and 13 and adore each other. My eldest is very protective over his little brother and my youngest looks up to his big brother. They have their arguments but they're over quickly.

6.5 years between my 2. It was easy going back to baby stage TBH. Was nice as child 1 was at school so got out on school run and had baby time.

Can be hard as they have completely different interests due to age. Now they are 7 and 14 we can do cinema together (well could do,!l and bike rides etc. They dont play together but they dint argue either.

I think there are pros and cons to every age gap

9 years between DC1&2. They are 24 and 15 and get on brilliantly. We struggled to conceive DC2 that's why there's such a gap but the elder is a great example to his younger brother who wants to follow him into the same career. They're very close.

How do you do anything as a family with such different interests? That really worries me, that we'll have to do separate days out, that we'll never go on holiday and it not be a total chore!

I dont think age gaps have anything to do with how close you are as siblings. There are 12 years between my brother and I and we are really close. My best friend is only 18 months older than her sister and they can't stand each other.

There's 6 years between me and my sister and we're very close. The only thing I wasn't so pleased with was sharing a room but we didn't have a choice so we got on with it. We spent lots of time together growing up. We had plenty of family holidays. We're 21 and 27 now and I've just had my firs DC and we still have plenty in common. Don't worry so much, they'll be fine.

Mine are 8 years apart. First few years were great- then dreadful when eldest was 13 ish. Now 10 and 18 and they love each other so much. It’s wonderful to see now, they bring out the best in one another. It’ll be fine-enjoy xxx

Ok... so it's different for everyone obviously...

My dd was 6 years and a few months when ds came along.

For her: she got far less attention. I had to stop taking her to swimming lessons etc and after school "play dates". This was mainly because I struggled with ds and I guess I had postnatal depression. However she loved having a little brother and seemed happy enough.

For me: yep I lost all that easy joyful living and felt quite trapped. Social life etc went downhill.

However DS is now 3 and it's getting good again. DD is always a bit annoyed with him - I suppose being cute only gets him so far and she hates all the whining and tantrums! My social life has recovered and I feel more like me again!

My 2 have the same gap. It's easier now they're 8 and 14. They've always got on fairly well. They're both at the age now that they can play xbox together and we can play board games as a family. When we go on holiday, eldest brings a friend so they can go off and hang around together, round the arcades, footie on the beach, fair ground etc while we entertain younger one.
We've discussed that when younger one is older, they'll be able to bring a friend.

I have an oldest and a youngest who are nearly 7 years apart. We do have a middle one though. The oldest and the youngest are very similar in personality and have their own little bond. In terms of doing things together I think it's a case of expecting the youngest to come along to what you are doing for the oldest in most cases. Second and subsequent children tend to do this more anyway. It's also worth prepping your oldest for what to expect and encouraging them to be empathetic etc.

As for holidays I suppose it depends what you want to do. Children don't tire of beach holidays until they are much much older than 6 and babies and toddlers can come along to city breaks and museums etc.

It will be fine. Don't worry about it but I would prep the six year old. He/she is old enough.to be talked through what it will be like in advance.

It is harder with two, there's no denying that, it's also wonderfully rewarding to see the sibling bond and how quickly it occurs. My three love each other more than anything and it's so lovely to see that and know they have each other. It's worth the extra stress!

Dd was 6 1/2 when DS was born. There are advantages and disadvantages. She absolutely adores him and vice versa.. but they have different interests and needs which can be difficult to balance.

Overall though, they get on well most of the time though they squabble like any siblings do.

It will work out OP dont worry.

( havento say though doing school run after being up most of the night with a new born baby was tough!!)

@listsandbudgets I loved the school run as it got me out the house!

OP you can do days out - we usually go with friends though so the kids can play with others own age. Holidays are fine. Even teenagers are happy with beach and pool and can chat to other teens.

Ours are 4.5 years apart.
It's always difficult adding another child, but our age difference has worked out really well. Toys were not really shared, except for Legos.
The sleep deprivation made me crazy, regardless of age range, but not everyone has that issue. A schedule early on and sleep training at 6 months was a must...and also worked well.
It is very much dependent on the personality of the children.
And you're pregnant...so congratulations!