To ask if 6 years is too big an age gap?

[BillUnloved]

Not that I can do anything about it now as I'm 3 months pregnant, but I'm feeling quite worried. Worried as there'll be a 6 year age gap and worried because we've found a degree of sanity and ease with life that's going to be wrecked.

So I guess AIBU to ask whether if you've got a big age gap if it's terrible? And how hard was it going back to the beginning and going up to 2?

Yes, the days out can be challenging. But both enjoyed park and soft play. If we could get out now I would try the zoo etc with them.

I didn't like having to do the school runs, as it was typical that the baby always wanted to sleep exactly as we were about to leave. And again in the afternoon, I would have to get him out of his bed and he wasn't one of those to stay asleep once disturbed. One of the school mums had the same gap though and her son would continue sleeping through the school run.

I have 6 years here. It's been tricky around the time dc1 went to secondary but they are early and late teens right now and it's really great.

Ours are 4.5 years apart. The thing I've realised is that it's best to just assume that the age gap you've got is the best one and go with it.

Being brutal, it’s a horrible age gap. My DH has two children from his first marriage with a 6 year gap, DD and DS. Activities are impossible as you can’t take the younger one to see a film that the older one wants to see. The older one isn’t interested in hanging around the park for hours. When we went on holiday with my DS (same age as DSD-the older one) we then had to spend a lot of times in two groups so the older ones could go with me on theme park rides whilst the little one went and met characters with DH. In general the step-kids have nothing in common although they love each other. Sorry to be the voice of doom.

Me and my partner are planning on ttc when my twins are 10 so there will be a 10 year age gap for them

9 year age gap here. It was tricky in the beginning, no denying it. First had become used to being centre of attention and didn’t give it up without a fight. But 18 years on they completely adore each other and the elder is a really positive role model for the younger.
From parent’s point of view, it was really nice. We could devote equal time to both.

There is a 6 year age gap between my first 2, no problems at all. They are both girls and have always got on pretty well. Worked really well for us, just weren't ready to have the second sooner. Then there is a 12 year gap between number 2 and 3, number 3 is a boy but his 2 big sisters love him. He is 8 now, him and number 2 daughter either fight like cat and dog or get on like a house on fire, nothing in between!

There's an 18.5 year age gap between my eldest and second child (she has another half-brother who's 17vyears older). My youngest and eldest had a 20 Yr age gap, but my youngest died. Due to our loss, all our children have been brought up as only children, due to the age gaps, but my dd is spoilt by her brothers. I'm 6 yrs older than my brother., and we were really close.

My mum had all her children 10 years apart. There's 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister, and 20 years between my sister and I.
I loved being much older as I could be much more involved. It worked for her.
Personally we won't be having another until our first is settled at school. He's starting in September so will be a few years yet

I got three, the oldest is 18, the youngest 11. If my experience is anything to go by your older one will love the new baby; be very proud and protective of the new baby.

And later will have periods of resentment, and screaming matches, and heroic sulks that will last for days. Just like any other kids growing up in the same family.

I'm sure having a much younger sibling has made my older two much more mature and responsible.

22 months between 1 and 2.

6.5 years between 2 and 3.

22 months was horrible. 6.5 years is LOVELY! Lovely!!

I had all the same worries as you.

To give more details:
The big kids LOVE the baby. They are so proud of her and helpful with her. They can be fighting, but the baby is a circuit break.

Activities are hard. Holidays involve the four of us doing activities and arranging babysitting for the little one. The kids are trapped by baby’s nap times during school holidays.

I wear the baby a lot. And the kids have scooters etc. Babysitting is more expensive. We have zero family support so that’s not changed (people say grandparents can get too overwhelmed with 3).

The baby is FUN and she gets four people to be proud of her first steps etc.

I have a baby at home while kids are at school. It’s manageable.

I’ve written this under normal time considerations obviously.

Congratulations by the way! A baby!

I'd say that's a large gap between siblings. You just get independent, then back to nappies and sleepless nights.

Other issues to consider would be your ages as well. I had my first at 29 and wouldn't have left a 6 year gap to the next.

My brother and I are 8 years apart. We are close and he’s a fantastic uncle to DD9. We’ve always got on as we are similar people with similar interests as adults.

My sister and I are 2 1/2 years apart, as kids we fought horribly.

Remember that they will be siblings as children for a lot shorter time than siblings as adults.

There are 10 years between my 2 boys and it's great! They get on really well, play together, and the older one helps out.

Over the years I've had many people tell me about their similar big age gaps with their siblings and what fantastic close relationships they have.

Just to give you the other side I have a 2 year gap and either adore each other or are full on fighting. A bigger gap would perhaps gave been better!

There is 7 years between me and my sister, we never fought and she was very protective and caring to me but I wouldn't say hugely close. In later years once she was in mid teens it was more like being an only child as she was off song her own thing. My brother is 5 years older and we did fight but again he was an independent teen so I spent from age 8 mostly being like an only child

There are seven years between my nieces. They don’t get along at all.

That being said, since my younger niece was born, my sister has done everything to cater for her. Whereas, my older niece’s interests have been shoved aside. All days out/holidays/cinema trips etc are aimed at the younger child. They’ll never do something or go somewhere that’ll suit my older niece and not the younger one. It’s sad. My older niece will get bored, my sister will call her selfish and the entire day ends in disaster.

It’s also worth noting that my older niece has never liked babies so wasn’t at all impressed at the thought of looking after her younger sister, feeding her etc.

Nope especially as they grow older. They may not be able to get on the same rides at Disneyland when they’re little but having 2 close in age doesn’t guarantee best friend having the same interests.

My boys are 8 years apart - currently 4 & 12
Generally works well - lockdown has been the first time they've really had a falling out and that's more to do with being generally fed up. They play some things together and some things apart. The eldest can help & assist the elder one (put the tv on, get him a drink etc) , the younger one makes the elder one laugh & do silly things.
We purposely had a big gap because I have mobility problems so needed the oldest to be fairly self sufficient in order to be able to cope with a baby again. We then had a late miscarriage which also extended the gap.
You do need to carve out time for each of them as they have needs that don't overlap but I suspect that would be the same with lots of children closer in age.
Picking days out can be trickier & holidays need to be carefully planned but it's generally worked well.
The plunging the house back in to baby chaos after general normality has returned is hard but it's doable & doesn't last as long as you think plus it's not all new second time round.

Can't really help that now @SandyY2K, it took ages to conceive.

Thanks for the reassurance (and doom).

This thread has made me feel a bit better. DS is 3.5, TTC for a while, it's not happening (fertility issues with me). I was starting to feel really bad about it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP!

Thanks PennyArrowBar and good luck to you too. We've had issues as well. I'd actually pretty much accepted and made my peace with our son being an only so it's been a shock. I don't feel as happy or as excited as I thought I would be, my overriding feeling is dread.

There's 5 and a half years between my 2, and by the time I have number 3 my youngest will be 7.