To feel really down about second child

[RainbowCloud6]

Partner and I have been struggling since the beginning of lockdown to decide whether to TTC or not (we have a 2 year old DC) . Pre-Covid, our initial plan was to start trying this summer. We thought we'd wait a month or two to see how the Covid situation evolves. But the more we wait, the more worried I feel about the risks and that the right decision is to wait. But we are not getting younger and I worry that this might mean it will never happen for us. I have been an anxious mess, it feels too big a decision to make. I know this may seem trivial but I am really struggling to think that this virus might majorly define our future and my baby will be an only child, when I always imagined myself with more children. I have tried to keep positive but I am sad and fed up. I know a lot of people are affected, and I am sorry. I just really needed to vent and ask for words of wisdom.

@Charleyhorses

Why not just park it and decide to reconsider in January?

I agree.

Babies conceived during the pandemic won't be born until autumn. If covid adversely affects placental blood supply then any longterm consequences to the baby might become apparent in the new year.

Drs are only just becoming aware of the later effects of covid infection on blood circulation in "recovered " adults; there's an awful lot we don't yet know about covid's longterm consequences.

Hi OP- this thread has caught my eye because my DH and I were planning on trying for DC2 this summer- we did try for 1 cycle but then due to Covid and also for financial reasons we've decided to hit pause and delay until Dec/Jan. Think by then we will know how bad any further waves will be and also our DD will be getting free nursery hours by time a second DC arrives, so that will take pressure off being on maternity pay if anything happens to my DH's job. I am 33 and DH is 37 and so I really empathise with the anxiety around leaving it too late. I wish you the best of luck and a happy and healthy pregnancy for when you do conceive- whenever you decide the right time is!

My grandmother was born during the Spanish Flu and lived to the age of 93. Her mother lived to the age of 98. Go for it!

We are ttc first (Not pg yet) because well I am 38 so no time to lose! But I also think that a time where I am wfh, less stressed and tired with no commute or social plans is a great time to be pregnant! I get more Time in bed, can structure my day to suit any need for naps or morning sickness - so I genuinely think it might work out well to conceive now! Plus by the time I will be due, it should be over or at least much better. Go for it I say!

Hi, I've heard that it's only really a slight issue in the late pregnancy if you catch it, because your lungs have less space, less air. Not that you will have it worse than you would have done when not pregnant, I was worried at first but I'm in my 3rd trimester now and feel comfortable. Tbh, it's probably better to ttc now so if anything, you are in the earlier trimesters over winter, and then by next summer or autumn there might be vaccines out and less cases anyway.
I've also noticed that this pregnancy has been much easier due to me not being on my feet so much. I've just started going out and about more and I definitely feel the effect of tiredness more by the end of the day. So if you can get some of the pregnancy done in the lockdown while life is less busy, then that's also a positive thing!

Thank you all, so interesting that the opinions are so mixed, so at least I feel less silly for being so undecided.

I am actually not worried about financial impact (fingers crossed!), and wouldn't even mind going to appointments on my own etc. It is purely the unknown potential effect on the baby if I catch Covid during pregnancy that keeps me up at night. And knowing I might be an anxious wreck about it for 9 months.

But today I have been reading about the risks of older maternal age and worrying myself about that :(.

@Bluepolkadots42, how old is your first DC? I think we are leaning towards waiting ultimately, so it feels reassuring that we are not the only ones.

Unfortunately this virus isn’t going to disappear anytime soon so please don’t put life plans on hold. I’ve known lots of babies delivered safely in last few months and I’m a couple of weeks away from due date myself. I’ve personally not felt at all at risk being pregnant in a pandemic. Doctors / hospital etc have all been great. Chances of conception drop dramatically in mid 30s (I’m 37) - it could take a while or could happen next week, I personally wouldn’t wait

I'm not trying to be "doom and gloom" here but the simple fact is that everyone is going to get Covid. The time to avoid this scenario was January, and there were a lot of fuck ups at that time and it is now far too late. It is endemic.

Once a vaccine is developed that will help a little bit, but it won't be anywhere near to actually eradicating it. Corona virus vaccines don't work that way. They can't be permanent. It will just be like the flu vaccine - vulnerable people will get one annually every flu/covid season and that will protect against the most recent strains of the virus. Some of those people will still get one of the many newer strains of the virus which are constantly mutating, and some of those people will die. Unless we have some truly ground breaking advancements in medical science, this cycle will continue indefinitely.

At some point life will just have to carry on. I'm really sorry if I sound miserable, I promise I'm not trying to be! I'm just saying there is not much point in waiting to conceive. If you want more babies then go for it. I would hate to think that somebody missed their chance because they were waiting for some sort of "end" to covid, because there isn't going to be one. Get cracking folks.

Your DC is only 2! You haven't left it long at all, what a lovely age gap!

I would be more worried about your age than Covid-19. At 35 your fertility will keep declining sharply in a way in doesn't when you're 25.

I understand your worries. I'm 35, 13 weeks pregnant with DC2. DC1 was born 10 weeks prem so I am really worried about another early baby, in winter, 2nd wave, flu season etc...but equally I might get hit by a bus tomorrow. I am WFH, minimising contact, washing hands etc.

Covid is not going away. Your fertility will. Mitigate that risks and don't regret expanding your family if that is what you want to do.

Why not book a couple of counselling sessions to talk over your fears? Good luck OP, if you do get pregnant remember you won't be the only one!

I’m 40 and 10.5 weeks pregnant with my second DC. We weren’t actively trying and it took years to conceive DD so it was a huge shock - certainly didn’t plan to conceive in the midst of a pandemic.

My DD has been back at nursery for a while and I plan to carry on with as much ‘normal’ life as is allowed, taking sensible precautions. I’ve had several close friends who are having or have had babies in the last few months and all of them have been fine. My biggest fear is no baby groups as my mat leave last time was packed with social stuff and I worry about my mental health if I am stuck at home all day every day with a baby and nothing to do.

I’d echo the go for it opinions. Coronavirus isn’t going away soon and we all have to learn how to adapt and live along side it.

@RainbowCloud6 our DC turned 2 last month. I think originally we would have aimed for an age gap of 2.5yrs, but I've resigned myself to the gap being more like 3-3.5 now. I just keep focusing on the fact that with those free nursery hours for eldest DC, new baby and I will be able to get some nice 1:1 time at home together a few hours every week (preferably in front of netflix ;) )