AIBU to ask for your experiences : indifferent to having kids?

[OctoberCupcake]

Are there any parents here who were, before having kids, indifferent to the idea of them?

I’ve never been sure one way or the other. I’ve been in relationships where I could see it happening (as is the case now), but at other times I’ve been quite happy with the idea of never having them. I neither desperately want them, nor am I firmly against it. My partner feels much the same.

I’m now at an age where time is no longer on my side, but I don’t know where we start making this kind of lifelong, life changing decision from a place of indifference.

I do like the idea of ‘a family’ that as an only child to a single parent I feel like I missed out on to a degree, but I also have a nagging worry that we could hate the radical change to our comfortable easy lives and regret it!

Did anyone here feel the same before you had kids? What made you have them, and how do you feel now? Thanks in advance x

[Meandyou02]

Three children, one child chronic life health issues wish I'd never had them.i was always a you gotto have kids person,now I think with hindsight and all the heartache stress and complete loss of self I'd never have done it.

[DoTheFoxtrot]

As others have pointed out, it's all dependent on the individual child you get.

I have a good relationship with my parents, but they don't have a good relationship with my sister at all and she was a nightmare from the day she was born. We're total opposites and have absolutely nothing in common.

My mum has said that their struggles with her took up so much of their energy that they thought they wouldn't have any more children, but 7 years later she accidentally fell pregnant with me.

Weird that you can have the same genes, but be such different personalities. All luck of the draw.

I've personally never been a gambling person and I'm single at 35 anyway, so maybe a childfree life is the best path for me.

[normalpeeps]

I wasn't particularly fussed about having kids but couldn't imagine being in my 50s or 60s and not having some grown up kids to go and visit or have over at Christmas.

Probably sounds silly/obvious but having kids is a long game and I never really gave the baby part as much thought as I should have (first 3 months were/are awful - sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, hormones, not having a fucking clue what you're doing haha 😬).

Anyway had DC1 when I was 33, DC2 is due imminently and I'll be 35. And would love to have a third if I can as DH and I have enjoyed it all much more than we thought we would.

There is definitely a lot of monotony in the toddler stage we're in but we've come to realise that everything is a phase and we're looking forward to all the things to come. Also appreciate we're very much at the beginning of all the kids stuff, so for all we know we may have the most irritating, pain in the arse children/teenagers/adult children ever. But that's a risk we're willing to take.

Also agree with a PP who said people always imagine 'normal' neurotypical children with no health problems etc. Each pregnancy I've been pretty anxious - to not lose the baby, that baby is born healthy, keeping baby alive in those first few months etc. etc. But again it's a calculated risk we're willing to take.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[Frauhubert]

I am indifferent/leaning towards against it. I am 33, don’t feel maternal and never have. My husband is the first man I thought I could have kids with, but I think that’s because there is a very strong sexual/biological connection between us, but I still don’t feel like I biologically crave children. I am often worried what something will click in my brain suddenly in 2-3 years and I will be desperate for one. But I hope not

[Doje]

I wasn't fussed about having kids. I would have been happy pootling along without them. In fact I didn't like children. But then I met, and married DH, and he wanted kids and I married him knowing that. And when we chatted about it, I thought "why not". I think I've taken it on as a new project, and when I do stuff, I research it and like to do it well!!

I bloody loved / love it. It's all new and interesting, and the DC's are so much fun, and they're funny and they're fascinating! I would have loved to have more, but got started too late.

And you know what, I still don't like kids. Other than my own, cos they're awesome.

[gigi556]

@normalpeeps "I wasn't particularly fussed about having kids but couldn't imagine being in my 50s or 60s and not having some grown up kids to go and visit or have over at Christmas." This is the reason I have decided for certain I want more!