Still upset about my postpartum care(or lack thereof)

[iashcroft]

I gave birth to my son 4 months ago, I was induced and in labour for 14 hours which ended in an emergency c-section. I admittedly had all these plans of how I wanted my birth to go, despite telling everyone I had no plan and I would just go with the flow.
My c-section was more of a preemptive strike than anything else, babys heart rate was dropping a bit and the doctor was concerned, I also had stayed stuck at 4cm for hours and hours, though my contractions were 1-2 mins apart.
I was fully conscious during my c-section, a bit sleepy, understandably. When my son was born they gave him straight to my partner. They knew I was intending to breastfeed, they knew we wanted my partner to cut the cord. He didn’t cut the cord. They didn’t let me have skin to skin. They didn’t help me latch him on straight away (Bear in mind my sister had a c-section exactly a week after me, in exactly the same hospital and theatre, and they let her do all of this).
I didn’t get to hold my baby until I was in recovery, and I was trying to latch him but I couldn’t. The nurse wasn’t in the room for most of the two hours I was in recovery, so I couldn’t ask for help. She came to weigh him, measure him and generally check him over, and to change my puppy pad, but then disappeared straight away.
When I was wheeled into the ward, the midwives were confused. No one had called from recovery to let them know I was coming down. I had to wait on my bed in the corridor while they prepared a bed. At this point, it was about 3am.
My partner went home for some reason, (I have already expressed my anger at this of course, and we are fine, he loves his son very very much) So I was there, 19 years old, fresh out of random surgery, with a newborn baby that I didn’t really know how to feed. I also couldn’t move, naturally.
Rory was crying and crying, and so was I. I was clearly in distress. I kept calling the midwife for help, telling her he is hungry and I want to breastfeed him. She would hold him, shush him to sleep, put him down next to me, and leave.
The third time I called her, the first thing she said to me was, “You don’t need to press the button every time he cries”. I wish I was making that up.
She did the same thing, held him and rocked him to sleep while talking to him about how “she would need a big glass of wine when this shift is over”.
The morning came, my partner returned by 6am after obviously feeling guilty. My round of meds came, and a couple of midwives came to check on me around 9am. My puppy pad hadn’t been checked or changed all night. They were visibly upset about this.
My entire stay was a mess. I was only there for a day and a half, they never checked if I was having meals, while I was there I probably had a meal and a half (I have a history of mental health problems and not eating is a coping mechanism which obviously popped up after the traumatic birth) ended up having to exclusively formula feed which made me very depressed (only at the time. I know now there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, whether it’s a choice or not, he is fed and happy and that’s all that matters) because I wanted to exclusively breastfeed. My milk didn’t even come in until four days later. For two months after I was in and out of hospital with two infections, and an open wound. I’m four and a half months postpartum and only just healed.
It’s taken me a lot of time to recover mentally. I’m still not. I’m better, I think. But due to the current covid19 situation the last thing I want to be doing is going to the gp for mental heath help, but I’m doing alright.
Is it unreasonable to be upset with how I was treated at the hospital? I’m not just upset I am angry. This was supposed to be a magical time but it ended with severe postpartum depression, physical problems with my wound, and being unable to bond with my son til literally only about a month ago. I didn’t even feel like he was mine.
I wanted to take legal action. If it’s possible I maybe still would. I guess I just want to vent and express myself somewhere. Maybe get some advice about helping my mental health at home. While i feel like I’m doing better, at the same time I feel like I’m doing worse because Ive had more time to think about my birth.
I should note, my midwife was not present at the birth and didn’t see me until about a week after having the baby.
Do I have a right to be angry at the nurses who failed to care for me? Should I be seeking treatment despite the risk of covid19 at gps and hospitals?
I don’t know what I hope to achieve with this post. I will probably get a lot of judgement but maybe someone can relate to me, though I hope they don’t since it was incredibly traumatic and painful.
Cheers for reading if you got this far.

I was horrified by my experience of postpartum care. Especially compared to other countries I've heard about in Europe, or even relatives experiences 30+ years ago.

I had a traumatic birth, was left lying for hours in a pool of blood in bed, unable to move from spinal still. Baby was unsettled and at one point, when I was overwhelmed and had a bit of a weep (which I think is pretty normal all things considered and hormones), I received no sympathy and was told not to get upset or my milk wouldn't come in. However, I did get help with breastfeeding. But it just seemed to depend which midwife was on shift - some were helpful and trying their best, others just seemed pissed off.

Sorry op ,I’ve had 4 dc ,what you described sounds sadly normal ,my experiences were not much different.
Once you have given birth ,in my experience you are just left to it
I could tell You some harrowing stories about my 4 births ,but it doesn’t achieve anything .
I’m not saying it’s right ,I’m just saying it’s massively under funded .
My sil had a c section privately,wow what a difference

I seem to have been very fortunate with my NHS postpartum care reading this thread. But people shouldn't have to be unlucky or lucky to get proper care 🤷‍♀️ It's very depressing.

Im not surprised that you were advised to bottle feed if your milk didn’t come in for four days.

This is incorrect. After a c-section, milk supply will be delayed. It's very common that it won't come in till day 5, compared with day 3 with a vaginal delivery.

Op, you should have been able to b/f regardless, as baby would be getting colostrum throughout. I'm sorry you didn't get supported by the midwives on this, you absolutely should have had this explained to you.

Your post natal care may have been pretty standard, but that doesn't mean it is acceptable.

I hate how we are expected to just accept that postnatal care is shit.

I had excellent care after baby one and terrible care after a baby 2. I gave birth a 2am and then was left to it. My son was crying most of the night so I had to be up walking up and down the room trying to comfort him. The only intervention any midwife made was to tell me not to put my son in bed with me. Which I did because I was exhausted and in pain. I explained that I was tired and needed to lay down but my son wouldn't stop crying unless he was near me - and she said sorry we're not allowed to let you do that - and then walked off to continue her group chat. I was also later asked by my main midwife to speak to prospective mums about breastfeeding - and demonstrate. I said I felt awkward about this but was assured it would only be women in the room. When I arrived two men were there. I still feel angry about that but was too timid to cause a fuss at the time. I think a lot more needs to be done to improve care for women in this sector. It very much depends who you get.

You've every right to speak to them about the after care from recovery onwards, but it is very normal in an emergency c section that partner wouldn't cut the cord and the baby be taken away for checking.

I'm also sorry about this, and like the pp who posted Once on the ward you are left to your own devices I don't think this is remotely unusual. I also felt the pre-natal care was great, the post-natal care wasn't. The hospital was and is generally very good.

There was a thread on here a few months ago about pregnancy/new mother care in this country and saying how poor it was compared with eg France. I am sure some of it comes down to resourcing but I think there's an underlying Puritanical thing going on "you had SEX" - even if the woman is married and even though you kind of have to have sex to get pregnant (in the majority of cases).

I did make a comment about it when I filled in a survey but I think it was missed or ignored.

I couldn't get out of hospital quickly enough. When I got my notes it said all the way through "mum is desperate to get home". Yes, mum was! I wanted my own bed/house where I could sleep and not pick up an infection.

OP. I am not sure if it helps, but hopefully at least you don't feel alone.

Post-natal care needs to fundamentally change.

@OreBrickWoodWheatSheep

I was in hospital after a different operation and the care was second to none, when I compare it to my care on the post-natal ward it’s a disgrace.

I've got to say mine was also shit, unfortunately you can't turn back the clock and either way to will have to accept it one way or another to move on

I was in hospital after a different operation and the care was second to none
Me too. But my other op was at a convenient time of day and it was scheduled in advance. One reason for the poor postnatal care I received was because I had emergency surgery at 10pm on a Saturday and the staff didn’t want to look after me or fetch me food or drink when I turned up on the ward at nearly midnight on a weekend.

OP your care, or lack of it, sounds similar to my dm's in the 1950's!
I think you need to talk it through with someone at the hospital. Please don't get to 85 and still have unresolved issues. It will be awful for your dc.

I find myself thinking about that thread where women were being criticised for not wanting to follow medical advice around inductions. Maybe if we had more faith in the medical care we would be more willing to listen to the doctors.

@Molocosh The very nature of the unexpected time of babies deliveries means that day or night you should have received proper care .

The other operation was also an emergency and the nurses were far busier but still managed to deliver a much higher standard of care.

@SnuggyBuggy I don’t understand your point ?

At least 70% of the midwives I experienced were unpleasant, uncaring and quite honestly shouldn't be in a job with vulnerable people to care for.

However, there were a few, amazing ladies who cared for me, in the 10 days I was stuck in hospital with pre eclampsia and afterwards following an elective section.

The care definitely did decline however after birth, with the midwives being visibly annoyed I asked for anything that would interrupt their gossip sessions, loudly at 3am keeping people awake.

Perhaps if midwives pay were dependant on how well their patients reviewed them, we'd see an improvement in attitudes!!

I've never had a kid but I've had surgery and honestly it sounds similar. A nurse shouted at me because she thought I was using the morphine pump too much (it gives regulated amounts so you can't overdose). The noise, all night. The surgeon who sneered at me. I was made to feel pathetic for being in pain when I'd just had two very unpleasant operations in quick succession and was full of broken bones and stitches. I can't imagine what it's like going through all that and being expected to look after a baby as well. It's terrifying.

My point is that women are encouraged to go for inductions very readily these days even if the risks to the baby are low. It's known that induction is more likely to lead to interventions like instrumental delivery and c section.

I do not blame women at all for resisting these interventions especially given that they are unlikely to be adequately cared for in the aftermath. The prospect of being left on postnatal with minimal nursing made me very reluctant to consider a c section unless as an absolute last resort.

Molocosh The very nature of the unexpected time of babies deliveries means that day or night you should have received proper care
I agree. They should be expecting women to arrive post-surgery and post-birth at any time of the day or night, and be prepared to offer care, food and drink. However that’s not what happened. I arrived at nearly midnight and was basically informed that there would be none of those things until 7am.

My partner went home for some reason, (I have already expressed my anger at this of course, and we are fine, he loves his son very very much)

I had a emcs at 2am and DH was sent home once we were out of recovery. This is what happens when you have a baby in the middle of the night unless your hospital specifically allows partners to stay overnight. So I don't really understand why you are mad at him?

The morning came, my partner returned by 6am after obviously feeling guilty

What did he have to feel guilty about? As above, he was likely sent home and not allowed to stay on the ward overnight?

As for the rest of your post, yeah, it's proper shit and that doesn't make it ok. In my experience things like skin on skin and cutting the cord are less common in EMCS. I didn't get asked about if we wanted either during mine, and it seemed like the only priority was that baby and me were alive and well. DH and I were a bit bewildered by the whole experience. Post natal care was lacking, once I was up and about I had to do everything myself, including getting meals ets. My ELCS (6 days ago) was so so much better, as was my post natal care but I think that had more to do with Covid-19 as no visitors were allowed on the ward at all so they obviously knew people would need more support than in normal circumstances. There seemed to be more staff and less patients so that was probably a factor too. My only issue this time was the ward was too hot and they took ages to discharge me, I had to ask about 10 times if I could go home yet and got fobbed off every time.

It doesn’t make it easier OP but I honestly don’t know a single woman with a positive birthing story. They’re all a bit shit and reflective of what you’ve just said.

I gave birth 3 months ago and it was shit. The only difference is mine wasn’t a C-Section (had an epidural though and couldn’t walk/move around properly for 2 weeks PP) and DH got to stay.

Neither of us had slept in 48 hours, neither of us had any experience of babies. They dumped us in a side room, got huffy and made us feel shit is we buzzed and basically just ignored us. Luckily I went home the next morning but I wasn’t really well enough to, just desperate to escape. I remember hobbling out of the ward thinking really hard ‘don’t faint...they won’t let you leave if you faint’.

I got no help with breast feeding but luckily DS was very easy to latch. I just got lucky there.

It’s really put me off having another and I’m 8 years older than you. You must have been terrified, I’m so sorry that happened to you xx

@SnuggyBuggy

My point is that women are encouraged to go for inductions very readily these days even if the risks to the baby are low. It's known that induction is more likely to lead to interventions like instrumental delivery and c section.

I do not blame women at all for resisting these interventions especially given that they are unlikely to be adequately cared for in the aftermath. The prospect of being left on postnatal with minimal nursing made me very reluctant to consider a c section unless as an absolute last resort.

Minimal nursing as there are no nurses only direct entry midwives with NO nursing training

OP your bf support was very poor and honestly, there is no excuse for this. The attitude of that midwife overnight was disgusting, treating you as an inconvenience. I can see why you are still very upset. I definitely think a complaint to PALS could help you come to terms with the experience.

It is hard to say with the other stuff. A partner cutting the cord at section isn't usual practice in any of the hospitals I have worked in because the partner cannot enter the sterile field, I cannot really picture how you could manage that safely. We do leave it long and encourage the partner to trim it once baby is over on the warmer. We do offer skin to skin too and this should be fairly standard, however sometimes the anaesthetists ask us not to if the woman is unstable, I have no idea what the situation was with you. Emergency sections, particularly on nightshift when there's often less staff around, can be fraught and certainly not as pleasant an experience as an elective section, was your sisters an elective? As other posters have said, milk can be delayed coming in post section, however you should have been advised of this and encouraged to express before formula was suggested. But again, I don't know the full story - if baby was showing signs of dehydration, severely jaundiced, had low blood sugars or had lost a significant amount of weight, that changes the picture.

Midwives would not normally come round to check what you have eaten but should verbally ask you later if you have had something ok. Many women don't eat much due to the food being crap, pain or feeling a bit sick with the medications etc. Unfortunately your previous mental health issues mean you were always high risk of PND regardless of birth experiences but hopefully someone has been keeping a check on your mood. It should have been monitored by the midwives and now by the HV.

It is hard for people to comment without knowing the full picture and without knowing what chaos was going on on the ward that night (that doesn't justify the crappy attitudes but would put everything into context with regards your other complaints).

Don't be too hard on your partner for going home, most hospitals don't let them stay and I am sure he was more use to you after a couple of hours of sleep!

Congratulations and I really hope you get the help that you need

Enlightenedowl you are really on a mission to push this FALSE point. At least 50% of my colleagues are nurse trained. Those who are direct entry obviously receive training on post op care and become very experienced given it is part of the job on a daily basis. Your point is absolutely ridiculous. It really is no different to nursing where they receive training on it then gain experience once qualified, if they work on a surgical ward.

Do you think op was the first post-surgical patient this ward has had? Despite most trusts in the UK having a caesarian rate of anything up to 35/40% some months?