To be a bit offended

[Moonskylove]

I will be the first to admit that I spend a lot of time in my PJs and dressing gown. On a morning because I’m furloughed I wait until my husband and kids are showered and dressed before I jump in the shower so yes I’m often sorting washing out and changing beds before I get dressed. I also change straight after evening meal if not going out as following surgery for breast cancer I find wearing a bra excruciating. So think if I’m taking my bra off I may as well get changed altogether. The other day the ice cream van came and I sent the kids out with some money. I stood on the doorstep in case they needed more. A neighbour then said “do you ever get dressed?” I know he was only joking but I found it a bit rude of him. Am I being a bit sensitive?

Hé probably didn’t mean it unkindly, thought he was funny perhaps, I really wouldn’t take it to heart.
I’d have found it rude and upsetting initially I think, but I’ve learned to give myself a good talking to, ask does that persons opinion really matter ?
If it does, then don’t wear your pyjamas so often.
If it doesn’t ( and it really doesn’t) carry on as you are, you don’t need to justify your behaviour to anyone or give them your life story. You are not hurting anyone.( unlike him the tactless plank).

He shouldn't have commented but seriously, stop wearing a bra when it causes you such discomfort and you're just at home. That's madness.

Yanbu. I despise comment passers.

What's he watching for? I mean he must be, if he's asking if you ever get dressed. You are very polite OP. I'd have said mind your own fucking business and shut the door.

But you know the clothes police crew who enjoy women being shamed for this will love it.

You can get non wired, soft cup, sports etc type bras which you may find more comfortable

raspberryk that's not the case for a breast cancer patient. Also I'm sure OP knows what's comfortable for her. Stick to showing off because you get dressed to put the bins out hence are a Higher Being, & stop with the uninformed info. No later dripfeed required btw

It can’t have been that late if an ice cream van was out doing business

He’d probably my vaguely clocked once before taking the bins out late morning.

And then without thinking blurted it out.

You told him the situation. He was probably suitably red faced.

End of.

I have a neighbour like this. Every week there's a new comment about how I look or what I'm wearing - today it was him wondering why my hair was so wild and was I auditioning for a part in a horror movie. Last week after I'd been sunbathing and was tanned (live overseas) he bellowed that I looked bright red.
He doesn't mean any harm and is very kind to me in other ways, but ffs why does he comment on my appearance?
It's so 'huh' isn't it, OP.

@Juliet2014

It can’t have been that late if an ice cream van was out doing business

He’d probably my vaguely clocked once before taking the bins out late morning.

And then without thinking blurted it out.

You told him the situation. He was probably suitably red faced.

End of.

It was just after 7pm.

It all depends on tone and obviously he doesn’t know the things you’ve explained here. I think somebody could say it in a way which sounds offensive and intrusive, but otherwise I’d take it as a joke. I can imagine saying it to my neighbours and us all thinking it’s funny. In fact, I regularly have conversations with my neighbours where we are all wearing pyjamas. My husband has been wearing casual clothes, and so has the man next door, but all of the women and I have been wearing pyjamas all day unless we need to go out.

It’s more strange that he didn’t apologise when you mentioned your medical issues - I would imagine he was surprised by your reaction and maybe embarrassed and uncomfortable if he just thought he was making a joke. I would still apologise even if I had been joking, and feel very embarrassed and guilty. I don’t know. You know him better than us so you’ll know what kind of person he is.

He wouldn't have said it to a man in a dressing gown would he.

I'm sorry for the bra thing. There must be something that would be more comfy.

I wouldn't have been offended, I'd have been very confident I owed no one an explanation for my choice of clothing in my own home or anywhere else for that matter so I'd have been tempted to tell him to fuck off and mind his own business.

He’ll be sitting in his house biting his fist in horror at his gaff!

Definitly depends on tone. A woman from round the corner to me took a stroll to the corner shop in her pyjamas, bright pink dressing gown and slippers. That did make me laugh and cringe tbh but at home and on your doorstep? I dont see an issue with that all.

Fuck off @DeeCeeCherry I said MAY find more comfortable. Not from personal experience but from that of a family member.
Literally only the scagheads in my area go out in their dressing gown/pj's, but maybe the op has a very posh dressing gown to show off

I think it’s really rude and agree with another poster in that he wouldn’t have said that to a man, so YANBU.

I'd wonder how he knows how often you wear pyjamas in order to make a comment on it. I think your reply will have made him think twice about commenting like that again though. Let's hope so anyway.

@raspberryk

Fuck off *@DeeCeeCherry I said MAY* find more comfortable. Not from personal experience but from that of a family member. Literally only the scagheads in my area go out in their dressing gown/pj's, but maybe the op has a very posh dressing gown to show off

I agree going to the shops or to the school for drop off but on my own doorstep?

You are one of my pyjama people. If I can't get changed when I get home from work I don't feel I can relax. It baffles me when people stay dressed until bedtime

@Peachypips78

You are one of my pyjama people. If I can't get changed when I get home from work I don't feel I can relax. It baffles me when people stay dressed until bedtime

Thank you!

OP a breast cancer nurse friend told me that there is a bra that was specially designed by a nurse for people who have had breast cancer surgery. It is called a Recobra. I was asking advice for a friend before her surgery. My friend bought some and says that they are fantastic, front fastening, no wires and other helpful features. My friend even wears one in bed as it is so supportive. If you are buying on their website (not from other places like Amazon) you do not have to pay VAT if you are a cancer patient. It might give you some help.

So I guess yes I shouldn’t have been offended but he shouldn’t have made the comment as whether he thought it was funny it could be taken as rude and he I doubt he would have commented if I had been male and what I wear on my own property is my business. Maybe I just needed to rant. Thanks.

It's none of his business what you wear, whether on your own premises or elsewhere. I agree with you that he was rude.

I suppose it depends on your relationship with him. If you normally make jokey comments to each other or if it was just a one off. I'd just let it pass and see how he behaves in the future.

Moonskylove M&S online do a sleep bra which is incredibly comfortable and you can easily wear all the time. It has no hooks or tight straps. They come in a packet of two. Been wearing them for years under loose clothing.

@Ghostlyglow

I suppose it depends on your relationship with him. If you normally make jokey comments to each other or if it was just a one off. I'd just let it pass and see how he behaves in the future.

No we don’t know each other very well. I’ve defiantly spoke to his wife more than him. Only really spoken to him a handful of times as they are fairly new.

@Euclid

OP a breast cancer nurse friend told me that there is a bra that was specially designed by a nurse for people who have had breast cancer surgery. It is called a Recobra. I was asking advice for a friend before her surgery. My friend bought some and says that they are fantastic, front fastening, no wires and other helpful features. My friend even wears one in bed as it is so supportive. If you are buying on their website (not from other places like Amazon) you do not have to pay VAT if you are a cancer patient. It might give you some help.

Thanks. Mine are M&S without wires. They are comfortable but by the end of the day the bottom strap that going round your trunk just digs in. So if I’m in for the rest of the day I will change about 7pm. Yes I don’t pay VAT when I buy them from my department store but when I asked M&S they said they don’t take the VAT off you have to buy the specific after breast surgery ones.