To think dieting messes up your relationship with food?

[Sleeplessnightsinlockdown]

I've recently put on weight and am now about 1-2 stone overweight.

I want to lose the weight and plan to increase my level of exercise - I already eat fairly healthily, but I know my portions are usually too large.

I'm late thirties and I know my best chance of losing weight is to go on a diet - but I did this in my teens/twenties and I think it really messed up my relationship with food - leading to cravings, binges etc and an up and down yo-yoing weight (although was never overweight until now).

AIBU to think that dieting messes up your relationship with food? Has anyone lost weight without dieting? If so, how?

Yes it's well established that "diets" don't work long term for most people. Instead you need to make a permanent change - something that you can realistically do everyday for the rest of your life.

I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and have remained trim. I didn’t diet as such but I cut out any processed food, any ready meals and anything labelled low fat ( as it’s usually full of sugar).
I made everything from scratch.

An easy one is making healthy swaps: diet soft drinks instead of full sugar, semi skimmed milk instead of full fat, half fat cheese, etc etc

You can't actually lose weight without changing your diet. What you should avoid is fads that are so different from your usual diet that you can never sustain it and you crave your usual foods.

The best way to lose weight (IMO - as someone who has weight to lose and has a problematic relationship with food) is to count calories, and to eat the food you usually eat but with tweaks. Of course you can't eat everything you usually eat - likely that really high calorie food and lots of alcohol will ever fit in a calorie controlled day.
The other mistake people make is to try to lose weight too quickly. Nobody should reduce their daily calories by more than 500 imo and that becomes sustainable.

Thanks @BlueGreenYellowRed - that's a good rule of thumb - something you can realistically do everyday for the rest of your life - I'll remember that

I’m fatter than ever since dieting. I’m either on a diet or binging so making a concerted effort to move more, eat less but not worry about the lovely glass of red I intend to have with dinner tonight and the half scoop of ice cream I had yesterday. I’m not going to eat 3 bags of crisps while reading my book this afternoon which I did last weekend..... it will be slow and I may move to 5:2 at some point but just plodding on at the moment.

@CodenameVillanelle - thanks, the problem I have with calorie counting is that's what I did as a teen - and it nearly drove me mad! I took it too far, lost loads of weight and bordered on anorexia.

It was easy to become obsessed with calories I found - counting it all up in my head all the time...

I don't think fad diers work because you don't learn how to eat properly. Things like intermittent fasting could help, if you're prone to eat a late breakfast or skip it sometimes anyway or things like my fitness pal which teaches you the calories of your food and how much exercise you need to eat more. These methods make it possible to eat your own preferred food while making a few healthiee choices within them.

@superram I wonder about 5:2 as well, and all the 'non' diet diets...

I imagine I'd feel starving on the 2 fasting days though and that would lead to cravings etc?

Thanks @Isthisfinallyit - I am prone to a late breakfast! Rarely wake up feeling hungry.

I never know where to start with things like that - is there a recommended book on intermittent fasting do you know?

My DH goes to a dietician. They don't always agree on the food choices (she likes to recommend factory made low carb stuff and we like to cook from scratch). But the fact that he has to go back every six weeks helps him stay motivated to keep exercising and keep looking at his diet choices

The thing about diets is you need to realise they are NOT temporary. WW, SW all teach much better food habits in various ways but so many people just see them as temporary and wonder why they pile the weight back on when they stop.

If you can’t make your weight loss diet work in the long term, then you won’t lose weight and keep it off. There’s a small difference between a diet that you lose weight on and one you maintain on.

I get you - but I've tried all the fad diets and they all fucked me up more than eating the food I like but making better choices so that I can still lose weight.

5:2 was easy but I binged on the eating days so I lost about 7lb then stopped.
Low carb was easy for 2 months but I ate far too much cheese so I lost about 7lbs then stopped.
Slimming world was easy but I ate too many potatoes and too much pasta and only lost about 3lb.
I tried hypnosis combined with intuitive eating. It worked for a few weeks but my bad habits just crept back in.
I tried giving up bread - didn't stick to it

The only way I am going to lose weight is by counting calories. I want toast for breakfast so I have found the best calorie to taste ratio. I have to be able to eat the food I like, or I will give up. To a certain extent you need to be a bit obsessive to lose weight (of course not to the extent of ED)

I recommend the no-s diet. It's more about sustainable habits than anything else.

Yep. Diets are proved to make people bigger in the long run.

OP your absolutely right. Diets tend to create a binge/purge cycle. 95% of regain all the weight and more within 5 years. Have a look at Rebelfit on social media. He’s talking about exactly this, I’ve been on it for almost a year. I’m not thinner but my relationship with food is finally improving after 30 years of dieting and then bingeing.

Beyond chocolate is a no diet approach looking at relationship with food.
As is Intuitive Eating.

Otherwise rebelfit online is good at nutrition and the dangers of dieting.

Ah snap noone!

Yep. Diets are proved to make people bigger in the long run.

So ..... what's the alternative? 'Diet' is surely just a generic word for some sort of eating plan aimed at weight loss, isn't it?

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace You can argue it's just semantics, but there is a difference between "being on a diet" and "having a healthy diet". The former assumes something temporary, which means the weight loss will come back when it ends (& then some).

Some foods are made intentionally addictive. The ratio of carbs to fat is like food crack. It's meant to make us binge. We end up in a diet/binge cycle which mirrors eating disorders. That's why dieting does not work for the majority of people. Those it does work for is because they end up very rigid and obsessed, this is also disordered eating and many go on to be diagnosed with EDs. So what's the answer? Lasting changes and avoiding food crack as much as possible, returning to a more traditional diet (I don't mean spotted dick and custard, I mean closer to our cave man ancestors) with less processed foods, eating more intuitively, and with periods of fasting possibly. But none of that is going to achieve quick results unless you do it in a way that is slightly disordered, so don't expect quick results expect long term change. Or expect to yo yo

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace

Yep. Diets are proved to make people bigger in the long run.

So ..... what's the alternative? 'Diet' is surely just a generic word for some sort of eating plan aimed at weight loss, isn't it?

Yep The issue isn't actually diets it's the fact that those of us with food issues eat more than we burn. That's it. Diets aren't the cause of weight gain. I've looked at my Fitbit stats and since I started using the app in 2016 I've gained 2 stone, steadily at half a stone a year. I've lost weight in that time but then gained it back plus more. That's not the fault of the 'diet' when I lost weight, it's the fault of my eating behaviour. I'd have gained the weight if I hadn't lost anything in the meantime.

Saying 'diets don't work' is a cop out. Fad diets don't work for long term weight loss but that doesn't mean it's not possible to have sustained weight loss with a change of diet.

@BlueGreenYellowRed

I see your point. However, 'having a healthy diet' won't necessarily lead to weight loss. You'd need to have a sufficently restricted healthy diet, would you not?

The thing about diets is you need to realise they are NOT temporary. WW, SW all teach much better food habits in various ways but so many people just see them as temporary and wonder why they pile the weight back on when they stop.

Exactly. So the 'diet' works. It's the neglecting to put a robust maintenace plan in place that fucks it all up

It needs to be a permanent change. I call it paying attention. For instance I cannot regularly eat certain foods any more without going on a binge so I have decided they are no longer part of what I eat. The first step for me was accepting that certain foods are addictive and that they have to go. If you want to be slim there is a sacrifice to make somewhere. Food culture is so toxic in this country that I don’t believe many people can avoid the addiction. 60 odd percent being overweight proves that.