To think dieting messes up your relationship with food?

[Sleeplessnightsinlockdown]

I've recently put on weight and am now about 1-2 stone overweight.

I want to lose the weight and plan to increase my level of exercise - I already eat fairly healthily, but I know my portions are usually too large.

I'm late thirties and I know my best chance of losing weight is to go on a diet - but I did this in my teens/twenties and I think it really messed up my relationship with food - leading to cravings, binges etc and an up and down yo-yoing weight (although was never overweight until now).

AIBU to think that dieting messes up your relationship with food? Has anyone lost weight without dieting? If so, how?

But if you've lost weight on a 1200 calorie a day diet, and you go up to 1400 calories you will gain weight, even though 1400 calories a day isn't really overeating

Not at all. If your TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) is 1800 calories, and you eat 1300 calories, you will lose weight. If you increase that to 1400 calories, you will still lose weight, but more slowly. If you increase it to 1800 calories, you will stay the same weight.

How do you think calorie deficit works??

I once went to a gym and they told me my TDEE was really low, like 1300cals if not moving at all... how does one work out your TDEE?

I think partly because mine is low (I’m short and small boned) I chronically overeat for my size...

I’ve lost 12lbs in the last 2.5 months, I’ve lost weight before much faster by following stricter methods and regained because it was too strict and not sustainable. I feel things are different now.

I have breakfast, lunch, tea and an afters and there is no snacking between meals. I love cooking so I make everything myself, including my own bread and a batch of cookies or a traybake or something (full fat) once a week. My fridge is packed with veg and berries, it looks cheerful and that makes me feel good. I don’t expect to lose weight rapidly but that’s okay. Slow and steady and then some little tweaks to allow me to maintain like butter on my toast instead dog having it dry. I walk/jog 5 miles a day. If I don’t feel like going out, I don’t, but I do jog on the spot at home and watch Emmerdale at the same time. Eating well and exercise doesn’t need to be a punishment, something I’m learning. When I go out, I listen to audio books or podcasts.

It’s taken me a long time to reach this much more relaxed attitude towards food and weight loss. I really hope I’ve broken the cycle but only time will tell.

I think my advice would be to either accept yourself as you are or make lifestyle changes that you can see yourself realistically keeping up and will enjoy.

I’m looking forward to butter on my toast again and using oil when I cook to maintain weight when I reach my goal, but it won’t be a return to my pervious behaviours with alcohol, takeaways and massive portions or I’ll just end up right where I started.

tdeecalculator.net/

Ok sorry I found an online calculator... apparently it’s about 1800 cals. So I need to consistently eat less than this to lose weight... sounds easy, right?

X post thank you @CodenameVillanelle!

@Sleeplessnightsinlockdown

Ok sorry I found an online calculator... apparently it’s about 1800 cals. So I need to consistently eat less than this to lose weight... sounds easy, right?

Yes! Did that calculation include exercise? I have a high TDEE at 2400 because I'm heavy and active so I eat 1800 and lose 1lb a week. You'll have to go down to 1300 or 1550 if you're happy with slow but more sustainable loss

Also - I forgot to add that exercise is great but you need to change/reduce what you eat to lose weight. Unless there’s a health reason, it’s a simple equation of calories in vs calories out. A personal trainer I know is regularly having this discussion with people and it’s in his best interests to get people to exercising - he doesn’t mislead them and have them think exercise alone will get their weight off though, because it won’t.

I once went to a gym and they told me my TDEE was really low, like 1300cals if not moving at all

That's not your TDEE that's your basal metabolic rate and isn't that useful to know since we all move to some extent

Hi OP, you need to have a 500 calorie deficit per day in order to lose one pound a week. One pound = 3,500 calories. I'm doing 1200 per day and using my fitness pal. It's a great way to track every single thing you put in your mouth and if you make the right choices, you can eat a lot of nice food. I'm losing one pound a week.

Thanks @elenacampana that is a hopeful story!

I just did the other calculator and it said 2100 calories is maintenance, based on my weight/height and ‘light exercise’ which I would say is about right.

@elenacampana

Also - I forgot to add that exercise is great but you need to change/reduce what you eat to lose weight. Unless there’s a health reason, it’s a simple equation of calories in vs calories out. A personal trainer I know is regularly having this discussion with people and it’s in his best interests to get people to exercising - he doesn’t mislead them and have them think exercise alone will get their weight off though, because it won’t.

Absolutely You can't outrun a bad diet! I've got a PT and have lost some inches since working with her but didn't lose a single lb until I started counting calories.

Thanks all! Lots of cross posts. So sounds like I should aim for around 1500 cals if doing light exercise, 1300 if not. Maybe I’ll download MFP.

When I was a silly teenager I tried to keep to 1000 cals and often had much less

For me the only thing that works is calorie counting, I make sure I can eat all the things I want to otherwise I’ll just not stick to it at all. It was difficult at first weighing things and figuring out what was the least calories but tasted the best and making sure to hit protein and fibre everyday.

It’s second nature now and I’ve lost a stone out of the two I put on in pregnancy.

I use team RH fitness on fb.

Yes diets do mess up your relationship with food - they make you think of food as good or bad. Food is just calories. If you are in calorie deficit you will lose weight - Fact. If you are in a calorie surplus you will gain weight - Fact! It's just about making sure you don't eat too many calories. Have a look at Team RH on Facebook.

Also don’t do what MFP says it always sets your calories way to low!

I’m on 1500 (set by the coaches at team the fitness) and don’t exercise I just do 10,000 steps per day instead, they do these things called walkie talkies which are really helpful for hitting 7000ish in one go.

I’ve been losing a bit lately through cutting out snacks mainly, and one thing I’ve realised is how afraid of being hungry I was! While I have this resolve not to snack, it’s allowed me to see the difference between my tummy being hungry and my mind fancying a certain food. If that makes sense.

And when I am really quite hungry, that feels quite wholesome somehow, I feel more like I want to nourish my body with good food, than fill up with crap that I crave. But this is a month in, I did used to eat much more healthily but since having kids, snacks etc have been the prop I’ve needed to get through hard days. That’s not a good food relationship either that I hope I have broken. Good luck on whatever conclusion you come to.

If you lose weight on a ‘diet’ say Slimming World then that has to become your ‘new normal’ diet if you want to maintain the diet weight loss.

If you go back to eating sausage sandwiches for breakfast, getting a take away at the weekend and having a few drinks, you’ll gain weight, funnily enough.

I know I can lose weight, I know how to keep it off. Thing is, I want to eat more than I can. An extra 100 calories a day (so a two fingered Kit Kat) will result in a about half a stone over a year. And that’s before you’ve added in extra Christmas/birthday/holiday treats.

Diets don’t work as it’s so bloody hard to stick to them for the rest of your life, combine that with needing even less calories as you get older, means you might win a few battles with being overweight, but fat will win the war.

I highly recommend James Smith, he had completely changed my view on weight loss.

Similar to what other posters have said, calorie counting is the really the only sustainable way to lose weight, and try to lose slowly so it stays off.

High protein food will keep you fuller for longer too, i focus my meals around lean proteins and am doing okay.

Generally if you need to loose weight your relationship with food is already messed up, because you’re eating too much or if the wrong things.

Has anyone tried intuitive/mindful eating?

I just downloaded MFP but feel a bit down looking at the food diary etc... and yes they set my cals at 1200!

@Bluntness100 ha that’s true!

For me counting calories has always worked.
Lost 2 stone at 50, kept most of it off till recently, sheer over eating, back to losing, tho only a few lbs needed.
I found being accountable and at times weighing stuff , simple things like cheese slices help.
Like s bank account, knowing how much money you hsve for the week, and not being allowed to go overdrawn.
It helped me counting calories and of course relaxed when out, I just readjusted stuff when home.

Forget to add 58 now

@Bluntness100

Generally if you need to loose weight your relationship with food is already messed up, because you’re eating too much or if the wrong things.

Exactly! That's why 'diets don't work' - because we are so messed up we can't stick with eating the right amount :(