To think dieting messes up your relationship with food?

[Sleeplessnightsinlockdown]

I've recently put on weight and am now about 1-2 stone overweight.

I want to lose the weight and plan to increase my level of exercise - I already eat fairly healthily, but I know my portions are usually too large.

I'm late thirties and I know my best chance of losing weight is to go on a diet - but I did this in my teens/twenties and I think it really messed up my relationship with food - leading to cravings, binges etc and an up and down yo-yoing weight (although was never overweight until now).

AIBU to think that dieting messes up your relationship with food? Has anyone lost weight without dieting? If so, how?

The thing about diets is you need to realise they are NOT temporary. WW, SW all teach much better food habits in various ways but so many people just see them as temporary and wonder why they pile the weight back on when they stop.

Exactly this, with any healthy eating plan. You have to stick at it. When you get to the weight you want to be relax it a bit, don't go back to previous habits or all the weight comes back.

Weight and what we eat is so emotionally driven. I think people seem to judge themselves and others so harshly for not having perfect bodies, which are seen as a reflection of having a perfect life. This is obviously nonsense, but seems to be hard wired in some ways, like being fat is the worst thing in the world to be.

Because of this emotional aspect, the sticking to a healthy eating plan is really difficult!

@Siameasy

That's interesting - I think mine would be pasta (seem to always eat too much) but I would find that horrible to give up. I hate the feeling of deprivation and that always makes me want to eat more.

I sometimes contemplate just cutting carbs, alcohol and sugar... but I think that would just lead to a rebellion in the long run...

I tried the 800 fast diet yesterday...i was so pissed off by the end of the day that i consoled myself with a large gin fizz.
I think there is a tendancy to see natural feminine curves as the enemy.

@malificent7

Yes, I've gone up one size (from a 12 to a 14) and have put on about 1.5 stone. It isn't actually a huge change, is it? Yet I see myself as this massively overweight person, family comment on it, I know my DH would like me to lose weight (although he doesn't say so).

Sometimes I think it's all bullshit. I am technically 'overweight' though (BMI about 26 I think)

@Sleeplessnightsinlockdown

You'll get plenty of good advice on here because we all want to help. But, you know what? You gotta find something that works for YOU. So if you think that deprving yourself of your pasta and alcohol would result you in eating more, then that's not the route for you.

I lost a lot of weight in my 40s. I went to WW - which worked for me (I'm still a member and use the classes for maintenace) - but I completely understand that it's not for everyone.

Also, I have to go down the 'deprivation' route unfortuantely. I'm an 'all or nothing' kind of person. I simply CANNOT have treat food in the house and eat it in moderation. Plenty of people can. I can't. So I don't have it in the house.

Fathom out what works for you. And don't let anyone tell you at XYZ doesn't work. Lots of things work but different things work for different people.

Good luck

I think there is a tendancy to see natural feminine curves as the enemy

My 40 inch waist and 35 BMI wasn't 'natural feminine curves'

I think there is a tendency to write off health damaging excess weight as 'natural feminine curves'

Seriously, Rebelfit. Learn how to get fit and change your artistic towards food and your body instead of dieting: link to a Facebook post by Rebelfit

I lost over 3 stone on SW. But all it really did is perpetuate my bingeing habits and mess up my relationship with food even more. The lack of support when I got to target was shocking. 3 years on in heavier than I was before I started.

I found rebelfit made me more anxious about food. I like to cook and the message seemed to be that healthy / “green” food was basically raw veg and meat and that you should see food as simply fuel most of the time. I get trying to avoid overly processed / junk food most of the time, but think that underplays healthy cultures where good home-cooked food is seen as something to enjoy (eg Mediterranean etc)

And the guy seemed to be quite aggressive towards those who questioned the methodology or message. That was a few years ago mind so it may be different now. And it did seem to help some - it just didn’t suit me!

Op, I also agree dieting messes up your relationship with food.

The surprisingly few people that I know with a healthy attitude towards food (and seem to be healthy physically) are people who: have a bit of what they fancy but (importantly) with moderation and mindfulness; they eat a wide range of foods including a lot of veg; they move a lot (whether through specific exercise or just on the go); and they don’t do diets!

However as someone who is losing a bit of weight gradually by trying to do this, I know it is difficult to maintain patience as it is slow! But I’d say much more permanent as you’re making manageable lifestyle tweaks.

Counting calories isn't sustainable in the long term. I successfully lost weight doing WW about 7 years ago but it was a miserable way to live. I've put it back on. I think it messed with my underactive thyroid too, made it more difficult to manage my weight.

One thing I did which helped, but wasn't the complete answer, was get a meal plan from a personal trainer. It takes into account the amount of exercise that you do and doesn't work on calories per se, but looks at the macros.

The main benefit is that you eat the right amount of the right stuff for the amount of work your body is doing.

It meant I had breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, evening meal, snack. I was never hungry but I also wasn't eating crap and my body was staying fuelled for the activities I was doing.

The reason I say it wasn't perfect is that I struggled to stick to it around my schedule - weekends away were tricky, if I had to work late the meal plan went out the window. I think I needed more options for meals and is ultimately why I cancelled the PT.

Counting calories isn't sustainable in the long term

I think it would be very tiresome to count calories all your life. I guess the aim is to develop a good instinctive sense of how much you're eating approximately, so that you can continue to eat roughly at your maintenance calories going forward.
That's not easy. Hence for those of us who tend to overeat we probably need to regularly weight and course correct with calorie counting if our weight starts to creep up.

I'm using MFP and calorie counting now. 3 weeks and 9lbs down. It's not a forever BUT its teaching me things about how much I should be eating. I would get home from work and have a bag of crisps and a biscuit or two, maybe a bowl of cereal if it's been a long day (DH gets home from work late so we eat quite late) and suddenly that's 600 calories. Even pouring myself a big bowl of cereal winds up being 400 without milk.

Now I start my day with a pint of cold lemon water then a coffee with sweetener before I consider eating. Usually when I think I'm hungry I'm actually thirsty.

It definitely does.

When I was a teen I obsessed over calorie counting, to the point that I could tell you pretty much exactly how many calories were in something (give or take 20 calories). I used to wish I could just enjoy food.

I'm in my late 20's and I now suffer with binge eating disorder. Now I wish I could control myself like I did when I was younger.

Not healthy at all, absolutely messed me up.

Absolutely OP. I started dieting when I was 12 and a healthy weight. I'm now early 30s and a size 18-20. I was a size 10 and had a BMI of 22/23 four/five years ago and then found myself in a stressful situation, binge-ate and put on five stone!

Every time I start dieting I binge but when I don't diet I overeat!

Every time I start dieting I binge but when I don't diet I overeat!

Yes this!

If you like fruit and vegetables an easy way to cut down is to reduce your normal portion size by half and then fill the rest of your plate with vegetables.

I've lost weight in the past with both SW and WW and effectively this is what it boiled down to , smaller portions padded out with extra veg.

Additionally if you drink alcohol you need to be mindful as it's so easy to drink the equivalent of a bar of chocolate and a plate of chips!

And don't 'double carb'. Pasta is fine but have a small plate of pasta with a large salad , no garlic bread .

I lost weight (4 stone pregnancy gain ) through not-dieting.

Just cutting out things like soft drinks, drinking Americano with a splash of milk instead of creamy lattes (I now prefer it...), eating desert only once or twice a week. Eating mostly home cooked food. Eating everything but keeping an eye on portions and trying to eat more veg.

Eating 3 meals a day and a snack if I feel like it.

I eat potatoes, bread, pizza but always with salad, or broccoli, and good quality protein

Got to BMI of 23/24 which I am happy with

Things I like but don’t allow myself is greasy takeaways and beer but a few glasses of wine or a really nice cocktail every now or then I like

Kept the weight off for 10+ years

@shinynewapple2020 Yeah this is what I do: always aim to have meals which are mainly vegetables (easy for me as a vegetarian though!)

The alcohol thing is much harder. I love cider but it's so full of sugar!

Thanks @shinynewapple2020 and @Pikachubaby - I love fruit/veg and don't drink much so that shouldn't be too hard...

I think I need to get active and view it as 'healthy eating' rather than dieting. I like the look of intuitive/mindful eating too - I know my portions are bigger than what I need for my size/height.

Diets don't work, fact. You might lose the weight but when you start eating normally again it goes back on at some point.

It also promotes eating disorders/disordered eating.

Diets don't work, fact. You might lose the weight but when you start eating normally again it goes back on at some point.

Only if you return to eating in calorie excess. That's not 'eating normally' it's over eating. Over eating is a choice.

*Diets don't work, fact. You might lose the weight but when you start eating normally again it goes back on at some point.

Only if you return to eating in calorie excess. That's not 'eating normally' it's over eating. Over eating is a choice.*

But if you've lost weight on a 1200 calorie a day diet, and you go up to 1400 calories you will gain weight, even though 1400 calories a day isn't really overeating.