Admit it! Who 'makes an effort' for DH/DW/DP?

[MermaidApocalypse]

I go between 'maybe he should see me in make up sometimes' and 'fuck it, I've just done a ten hour shift and and I want to wear my Jurassic Park T-shirt and shorts.' A friend got divorced last year and he brought up that she dressed up for nights out with the girls but never for him. I mean, he's obviously a prick but does he have a point?
DP rarely makes an effort for me apart from sometimes changing his socks after walking four miles. I don't know if this is why I don't bother either.

[quote SimonJT]@MitziK Jusr going to check the teeth and chest hair situation![/quote]
Ha ha ha! I love your posts!

Of course I shower daily, wash my hair, brush my teeth, get dressed etc, I don't see that as making an effort it's basic self care surely!

I think it's really important to make an effort for your partner. I really really don't think cheating is ever ok I cannot emphasize that enough but I do sometimes think spouses need to reflect when their partners head is turned if they have stopped making an effort.

I mean, I have sexy lingerie which I whack out every couple of weeks, not every time we have Sex but fairly regularly.

Sometimes, I will put on make up and decent clothes, sometimes, like today, I’ve worn nothing but his boxers and an oversized jumper with my hair shoved up 🤷🏻‍♀️ All about balance!

Not in the way you mean. I wore makeup on our first date and that is literally the only time he's ever seen me wearing it, not even on our wedding day. My hair gets washed and then brushed, that's it, no styling other than when I go to the hairdresser. I wear jeans and t-shirts/hoodies at weekends, and for work I wear black trousers and a smarter top. My appearance is not my top priority, and if he wanted someone who spent time on that stuff he wouldn't have married me.

I'm not quite sure what made him want to marry me, but it sure as hell wasn't the amount of effort I put in to my appearance. I married him for his cooking skills, not his appearance as well, which is a good job as he's been wearing jogging bottoms and scruffy t-shirts since lockdown began, and they are the least attractive clothes possible.

My husband has made no effort for me at all during lockdown. No sexy underwear, heels, make up, mani and pedi, fake nail, lashes or fake tan. Let alone Botox and fillers.

I have always made an effort such as showering changing and doing my hair when my partner is due home.
When I read of women on here living in dressing gowns or pajamas during lockdown I think it pathetic.

I can't understand anyone - male or female - who is happy to spend day after day in pyjamas and dressing gown simply because we're in lockdown.

I've showered, washed my hair, shaved my legs, got properly dressed and made an effort to look nice every single day in lockdown. Doesn't matter if I'm going out or not, or if anyone outside of my family is going to see me or not. I want to make an effort for me, for my own sense of self esteem. I feel so much better once I am showered and dressed and ready for the day. Even at a weekend I'm never comfortable staying in pyjamas much beyond 9am.

And if I catch a glance at myself in a mirror at some point during the day I want to look vaguely pretty and attractive. By which I mean clean hair, clean clothes, clean underwear including a bra and some makeup. I only ever blot the shine from my nose, add a bit of eyeliner and mascara and comb my hair but for me that's the difference between feeling nice and feeling shit. If I slobbed about in pyjamas all day I'd feel so grim!

I look really nice in a dressing gown. Sorry you don't.

@CORA - LTB.

@SarahAndQuack I know you are right. It will be his fault when my head is turned because he’s not making an effect.

I mean FFS how hard would it be for him to put on some make up and style his hair? Men’s legs just look so much more elegant in heels. It’s not much for me to ask to have something good to look at when he’s doing the housework.

@FlyingPandas that's not what I meant. I was talking more about if I go to work, go to a Zumba class on the way home, come back and shower. Am I then supposed to get back into nice clothes and make up for the two hours before bed?

Am I then supposed to get back into nice clothes and make up for the two hours before bed

You arent "supposed" to do anything. Its entirely up to you. If you dont want to get dressed, apply makeup or shower thats your choice and noone else can judge (well they can, but who cares? they are just their opinions, not facts).

Equally, I enjoy putting makeup on every day and showering every day and putting nice clothes on every day and I wont allow anyone to judge that. Its my life, my choice and its not hurting anyone else and isnt really anyone else's business..

I'm sensing in this thread that alot of people dont seem to be comfortable with the idea that others might be different from them. Hence- anyone who chooses not to dress up gets called a "slob" and anyone who does gets accused of being a brainwashed woman who is desperate for a man's approval.
Neither is accurate. I get dressed for me, noone else and I fully support others choice not to get dressed up and I dont feel it makes them a "slob".

Do what is comfortable for you. Thats it.

I can totally understand not wanting to be dressed to the nines, especially in lockdown. I'd totally get behind comfy clothes and no makeup.

But... not showering?! Slobbing around in pyjamas all day long? Now that's just gross and disgusting. That's just basic hygiene, and I would leave my partner if he didn't even wash himself.

One thing I wanted to say is that to make an effort women have to do so much more than men to be classed as "making an effort".

It seems men just need to have a shower and wear clean clothes which is surely the most basic personal hygiene anyway?!

Women on the other hand need to wear makeup, wear specific underwear, wear specific clothes, wear heels, spend time doing their hair in a pleasing style, shave all hair other than on their head and eyebrows etc etc etc!

A little bit, but it's definitely more towards the minimum end of the scale.

If we are going out I will make an effort, but I would make the same effort regardless of the company.

So really, I do it for me.