Admit it! Who 'makes an effort' for DH/DW/DP?

[MermaidApocalypse]

I go between 'maybe he should see me in make up sometimes' and 'fuck it, I've just done a ten hour shift and and I want to wear my Jurassic Park T-shirt and shorts.' A friend got divorced last year and he brought up that she dressed up for nights out with the girls but never for him. I mean, he's obviously a prick but does he have a point?
DP rarely makes an effort for me apart from sometimes changing his socks after walking four miles. I don't know if this is why I don't bother either.

Luckily his eyesight is fading with middle / advancing age, often he can’t even find his spectacles 🤣

Every day. Full make up, hair done, casual clothes would be a T shirt dress type thing. Not only for him, I feel better that way. I would never slob about in tracky bottoms or PJs. That’s just me, everyone should do what makes them comfortable surely ?

No never get dressed up or wear make-up. I don’t see the point?

I have really stopped making an effort during lockdown and wearing jogging bottoms all the time.

I had a wake up call yesterday when I was walking to the supermarket and a young bloke stopped me and asked me if I wanted to buy drugs.

I think I need to sort myself out

In my appearance, no. I am clean and wear clean clothes but that's just normal for us both.
I make effort in very many other ways, as does he, make a brew unasked, cook favourite meals for no reason, pay compliments, are tactile with each other , tell him I love him often- and I do, but my worth or his are not defined by what clothes we wear or wearing make up.

Pre-lockdown I had my nails done once a fortnight and my roots done every 6-8 weeks. Normally an eyelash tint and perm every couple of months.

I wear makeup everyday but since I've stepped up my skincare I've only worn mascara, bit of blusher and done my eyebrows.

We dress up for date nights out and I've got some nice underwear that comes out sometimes.

We both just sleep in underwear so thats a moot point really.

His sex drive is very morning orientated and considering I wake up looking like Kathy Burke from Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie and he's raring to go, I'm not sure he's particularly image focussed. I feel sexier when I've got make up on/no morning breath/no birds nest hair etc though.

Well ... going a bit against the grain here, but yes (to a point). Our daytime lives involve all the usual domestic stuff as well as dog walking and looking after a horse ... an activity guaranteed to reduce the most fastidious person to a filthy, smelly mess.

So, evenings, I shower, do my hair, put on a bit of make up, wear decent (but casual) clothes - think nicely fitting jeans with a nice top and heals or similar - and we have dinner together, sometimes with a bottle of wine.

I make effort for him all the time, wash his clothes, cook for him, wash his dishes, buy his food.

There's always a bit of snooty hierarchy that comes with this debate, "I don't see the point", "I don't dress up for HIM", "It shows you care if you put false lashes on everyday".

Everyone should do what makes them feel best, and if they're in the right relationship, it will be the right thing for the other person too.

Sort of
I think I make an effort with my appearance for me mainly,but as that's part of me I think my DH would be surprised /disappointed if I slobbed about in an old t shirt

I wouldn't make an effort for anyone while I'm relaxing in my own house. If I'm clean and I don't smell why isn't that enough?

I do put on decent clothes and sometimes a even a bit of makeup if I fancy it (although I very rarely ever wear it and not for work or day time) if we are going out together for say a meal.

I do make an effort. I don’t see it’s right I make more effort for work than for my DH, in that I wouldn’t want to dress well, put make up on for work but not bother to try and look good for him too. Work surely matters less? So yes, he sees me wearing no make up or slobbing around if that’s what I want to do, but I also make an effort at the weekend to change, wear things I know he likes to see me in, wear perfume etc. I feel loads better for it and I know he appreciates it. Plus he does the same for me too, so all good

I make an "effort" for myself, not for OH particularly. I keep in physical shape by exercise, pay attention to what I eat, I keep myself and clothes clean, always wear a little make up and style my hair, even if I am at home alone.

If I do make an effort, I do it for myself

If he likes it, all the better

DP has never worried about whether I am dressed up or not. I'm sure he's have something to say if I wasn't showered or if I didn't clean my teeth - but that'll never happen.

Clean body and clothes everyday, we have also both stayed healthy and managed to dodge lockdown podge. I have only blow dried my hair once, I collected my puppy yesterday so I blow dried my hair and groom my tache, so I make an effort for strangers! After about a week of lockdown my boyfriend sat me down and explained that I don’t have to be topless because be is here, he thought it was to show him the ‘goods’, nah, I just dislike clothes and doing laundry!

My boyfriends hair is done everyday, but thats because he can’t do it himself and I quite enjoy doing it in a monkeyesque grooming sort of way.

Definitely! We are still at the long distance relationship stage but once we live together I will definitely keep it up.

Dp appreciates every little detail and often comments about how nice my nails are, my lashes or how my outfit all goes together nicely. So I can't see myself slobbing around just yet!

Having said that I don't wear a lot of makeup or get dressed up to the nines, just like nicely done hair, a wee bit of makeup, nice clothes etc.

I certainly do make an effort for DP, and he makes an effort for me. By that, I mean I dress nicely (no jeans - I don't own any trousers of any description), don't have unwashed hair etc. I don't bother with make up because I can't be arsed with all that stuff, and I look pretty good as it is. We see one another every day but don't live together. I have good underwear, solely for his benefit, though we sleep naked when we share a bed.

I make the effort entirely for him, not for me. When I'm at home with my DC I wear whatever is comfortable. Maybe DP does the same? In his case, that might mean removing his tie.

I remain very slender entirely for my own benefit, though.

I mean, I do go for all that extra frippery—Botox, fillers, hair colored and cut every six weeks—but I almost never wear makeup and dress very casually. I’m also into fitness and am never out of shape. But again, probably wear heels three times a year. On the daily, it’s athleisure or jeans, hair in a ponytail etc.

I can see an issue with an obvious disparity for doing it for others but not a spouse. That would probably really annoy me too.

It would be hard to say I 'make an effort' in looks when I haven't owned more than chapstick since before my spouse and I met and my hairstyle 99% of the time involves a scrunchie. I do make an effort with time and other things.

Oh urgh. I have never had any of the "frippery", either. DP would think I was mad. And I look pretty good without any of that crap. I do have my hair cut and highlighted about once every six months (due to cost), but I use a root touch-up kit in between. It's remarkably effective.

I make an effort...most of the time. It struck me when I was at home with my first baby (and feeling a bit of a mess) that if someone else had been coming round that evening then I’d have got changed and put some make up on. And that it was somehow irrational that I didn’t do that for the person I most wanted to find me attractive. So I did - and he appreciated it! Equally, though, in a committed relationship, I should feel able just to be able to slob about in PJs and without makeup if I feel like it. It’s about balance and a healthy respect for each other.

I don't make a massive effort when we are home together - either PJs and no makeup if lounging or jeans/tshirt in the day. He still calls me beautiful all the time though, which I love about him.

HOWEVER, sometimes I do get dressed up to go out either with him or with friends and I do like the way he looks at me when I've made an effort. It gives me butterflies!

I always make an effort but Ive realised that I do it solely for me, not him, because I do it when he's out or I'm not going to see him or another soul that day.
I find applying makeup relaxing and I enjoy the ritual of styling my hair and catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the hall and liking what I see (and I love fashion and clothes) so its definitely for me. The fact he enjoys it too is just a bonus for him I guess. As for him, he doesnt make a huge effort with his clothes but he definitely takes care of himself and his physical appearance (staying fit and healthy) which I appreciate.

I always feel awful when he sees me without make up- if it's just me and the kids at home I wouldn't be as bothered so I guess yes, I make an effort. Up to a point!