Admit it! Who 'makes an effort' for DH/DW/DP?

[MermaidApocalypse]

I go between 'maybe he should see me in make up sometimes' and 'fuck it, I've just done a ten hour shift and and I want to wear my Jurassic Park T-shirt and shorts.' A friend got divorced last year and he brought up that she dressed up for nights out with the girls but never for him. I mean, he's obviously a prick but does he have a point?
DP rarely makes an effort for me apart from sometimes changing his socks after walking four miles. I don't know if this is why I don't bother either.

Does removing my excess chin hair occasionally count as making an effort?

I don't feel like I need to hide less attractive parts of myself in the way I did early in our relationship. I quite enjoy that dp knows about my hairy toes and still wants to fuck me.

You can't make an effort all the time if you live together can you? You can't have your hair/makeup/whatever done all the time. If we are going somewhere I make an effort.

My ex stopped making an effort for me. He obviously thought I’d still want to shag a slob. I didn’t though and now he is an ex. He did have an arrogant character trait though.

It pissed me off tbh because people always told him he was punching above his weight but he just took it for granted that he’d won me and that was it. Idiot

I make an effort and I know that the men in my life over the years have appreciated it, but its for me. If I let myself go I look in the mirror and it really affects my mood. If I look better then I feel better. I'm not talking full on glam to take the bins out, but I always wear tinted moisturiser, mascara and lip stain and make sure my hair looks presentable.

That said, I have noticed that it does have the side effect of smartening them up a bit. I think no one wants to be the scruff next to someone who looks half decent.

@Candyfloss99

You can't make an effort all the time if you live together can you? You can't have your hair/makeup/whatever done all the time. If we are going somewhere I make an effort.

I don’t mean dressed up to the nines. I run most mornings so shower as soon as I get in so my hair is washed most days. My eye lashes are very blonde so I moisturise my face and wear mascara otherwise my eyes look like moles eyes

Then I put clean ironed clothes on. I look tidy.

If I go out out then I dress up.

My ex would wear the same t-shirt with food on for days. Let his hair and beard grow. I felt like I was married to Mr Twit! I actually hate him doing the school run.

No. I wear make-up every day anyway, but because I think I look pale and bleurgh without it. Dh wouldn't be fussed whether I did or not. I only dress up on the very rare occasions I go out somewhere which requires it.

Kind of, I guess. I mean, I feel better in myself if I look nice and have clean and tidy hair, clothes, nails etc but also I would hate for him to look at me and think I look a mess. He loves me for much more than my appearance of course, but physically fancying someone is a factor imo.

Yes, I think we both do.

I very rarely wear makeup, and my hair is currently a buzzcut, but I like getting my nice dresses and heels out. DP isn't actually particularly keen on heels, but she knows they make me feel dressed up, so she gets it.

I think it's not so much about making an effort for your partner (which feels a bit uncomfortable to me, unless you are still in the very early stages where you are both showing each other who you are at your best, and you do have that nervous/excited thing about whether they'll like how you look). It's more about the fact that you're signalling to your partner that you're feeling up for a bit of flirtation/feeling happy in yourself.

I love my DP just as he is, and vice versa. We don’t ‘make an effort’ when at home, because it’s our space. We’re most comfortable in casual clothes.

I do wear make up for work and dress up a bit when meeting with friends or going to an event.

My DH doesn't care for clothes or underwear. He's all about the nudeness. So it makes no difference to him if I'm in a negligee or a hoodie as long as he gets to take it off and see what's underneath

I'll make an effort when he does.

And like pp no clothes at all is his preference 😁

tbh I think it's more for me because I do it even if he isn't here but I do think it's respectful to at least be clean and tidy for your DP and that works both ways

I do if we go out.

What is a DW? Dearly wedded? Oh, darling wife? 🤔

Nicer clothing if we’re going out, even just for pizza, sure. But he has long told me that part of the attraction was that I didn’t wear make up...so that’s for weddings and such like only.

I do every day, but she's 7 years younger 😊. I do it because I want to though, we both do, share skin care makeup, all that (2 women, been together 11 years).

It's just what we do, no sinister undertones mumsnetters 😊

@SimonJT

Clean body and clothes everyday, we have also both stayed healthy and managed to dodge lockdown podge. I have only blow dried my hair once, I collected my puppy yesterday so I blow dried my hair and groom my tache, so I make an effort for strangers! After about a week of lockdown my boyfriend sat me down and explained that I don’t have to be topless because be is here, he thought it was to show him the ‘goods’, nah, I just dislike clothes and doing laundry!

My boyfriends hair is done everyday, but thats because he can’t do it himself and I quite enjoy doing it in a monkeyesque grooming sort of way.

I'm sorry, Simon, but I already had a mental image of you being a Freddie Mercury-esque character in appearance from your various posts about you, your hair, your son and the pets - and the mention of brushing your 'tache just strengthens that!

I hope that doesn't offend you?

I always put on makeup, jewellery and shave my legs and armpits.

I make an effort, but its not just for DH. As a SAHM especially now with lockdown, i have days where im just home. Those days i do the bare minimum with very little make up and comfy clothes. But on days i leave the house i like to look nice. I dont go out in public in sweatpants with no make up. I just feel much happier and more energetic after getting ready properly in the morning.
W
For date night i definitely go all out on effort. The kids already know that they have to give me space for about 2h when they hear they are going to grandmas house to sleep
I shave, style my hair really nice, full make up, dress up, I even wear heels.
DH makes an effort too and depending on the location dresses up in a suit.

Do people actually walk around their homes in heels ??

Yeah we both make big effort w training / eating / hair (me hehe) clothes smell

If we were going anywhere, like the pub, a meal, cinema etc., I would dress up and usually wear make up. For around the house, nope, I never bothered. Sometimes i wore a pretty dress because i fancied wearing it, not particularly for him, and he would compliment me.

I do try to make an effort, get showered, dressed, and makeup. Although some days I can be a lazy slob.

My husband 'forgets' to shower or wears the same T-shirt's fit days which really annoys me, but he does make an effort & dress nicely if we are going out together even if it's just to the shops

I wear make up everyday. Sometimes it’s basic (foundation, eyeliner, mascara, blusher and lipstick) sometimes I also do eye make up and contour/highlight.
It’s partly for me and partly for OH. I like to look nice for him. When he met me I looked a certain way and 2 kids later I like to still look nice and make an effort.

@MitziK Jusr going to check the teeth and chest hair situation!

DH fell in love with me when I was a mud soaked, festival going teenager (before festivals were about Instagram), who rarely wore makeup and had flared jeans so big they hid my feet, and was often find playing guitar with a group of lad pals, so no I don't and he doesn't care a jot. Pre DS when I had more time I exfoliated regularly, face masks etc, applied more than a quick slap of moisturiser, did more to my nails than cut them off, self tanner, hot oils food my hair, regular mani pedi etc , but that was for me and because I had more disposable time and income. I have a Jurassic park t shirt and both DH and DS love it. I make an effort if we're going out but again for me not him.