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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask when you’ve experienced white privilege

374 replies

Whitepriv · 05/06/2020 18:56

Sadly I know I have. In East London at a high rise, was checking into an Airbnb and couldn’t find the lockbox despite instruction so was looking extremely dodgy, looking under lots of the block of flats windowsills. There’s a young black man hanging out a few metres from me smoking a cig.

Police come by and ask me if I could do with any help and if I’m okay. I tell them that I’m fine but thank you. In less than a minute, I see the same police moving on the young black man for hanging around outside the flats, with a ‘you can’t loiter here’. Sad 😞

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nomorelove · 06/06/2020 09:42

You experience it every single time you walk into a shop/bus/street/school/ hospital/ room full of white people and don't have to worry about being different, at the very least , or being attacked, at the very worst.

turtletum · 06/06/2020 10:07

I know I've benefited from white privilege but not even been aware of it. I've only recently begin to understand the extent. I'm a white British woman with a white name, so I have not been discriminated against in job hunting, in shops, in the street. Things I've seen my BAME friends struggle with.

I can give some examples of privilege and racism that have stood out to me.

When i was a teenager and needed help finding somewhere to stay in a city after attending a festival with just a day ticket, I approached a police man without fear but with trust. He took me and my white friend to the station and said we could wait in reception until morning, as all the budget hostels etc were fully booked. We got made cups of tea and looked after.

I'm a teacher at an intentional school. When we go on school trips abroad, I'm never questioned or detained while travelling. The white students sail through airports too. The BAME students? At least one or two are closely questioned or 'randomly' selected for searches, every single time. It's like this all over Europe, but much worse when landing in New York.

When travelling on Egypt over a decade ago, i missed my internal flight thanks to terrible Cairo traffic. The flights run every couple of hours so i just had to wait to see if there was space on each subsequent flight, and that this is quite common, so lots of people waiting. Each time a flight had space, people gathered around the desk to try and get a seat on the plane. Local males and I were given better treatment than a local professional female. I was in no rush, just on holiday, so offered to give my seat to the professional woman, who had a business meeting to attend but the staff member wouldn't even listen. While being female was considered lesser than being male, my whiteness elevated me above a well educated, professional local woman. That was the first time I was fully embarrassed to be white.

ivykaty44 · 06/06/2020 10:23

Stripesgalore

Surely the white privilege here is that you saw the police questioning a black person for no real reason and did absolutely nothing about it.

I doubt very much I’d be able to keep my mouth shut, I’ve had people around shit me up before and I’ve regretted this

biglittlemedium · 06/06/2020 12:15

@barbieandshelley

Without fail at airports I prepare my white dh everytime to take our dc so that when I am taken into a side room for interview they are safe. Every time I've been in a side room I'm in with lots of POC. Heathrow and Gatwick it's goddamn obvious!!!!
Agreed. Equally, when white people visit certain Asian countries, they are the only ones who are taken aside and questioned by customs officers, and they are the only ones who have their suitcases searched. I’ve seen it so many times. It’s not right in this country and it’s not right in those countries.
Gwenhwyfar · 06/06/2020 12:42

"when white people visit certain Asian countries, they are the only ones who are taken aside and questioned by customs officers, and they are the only ones who have their suitcases searched. I’ve seen it so many times. "

They don't do it to Africans in Asia?

FrenchSeal · 06/06/2020 12:47

@plandereccordement

Cultural factors certainly do play a part in the underperformance of white students. DH is from South Korea and there teenagers are effectively expected to be studying at all times- many will be doing around 16 hours study in the run up to exams and this is what parents expect.

Clearly, this is excessive- but I think there is a happy medium between that and the poor attitude many British parents have. DH for example just can't believe the lack of effort many DC seem to be making with their studies while schools are closed.

I think there is no reason for example why the vast majority of DC could not and should not be doing 3 hours of study and revision every weeknight in year 11. The Asian demographics who dominate the top of the attainment charts will be doing even more than this- effort equals reward.

Isthisfinallyit · 06/06/2020 13:18

I don't "experience" white privilege because it doesn't stand out to me unless I'm with someone who gets treated differently because of their race. Otherwise I just don't notice it.

I think that's part of the problem getting people to understand what white privilege is exactly.

Creamcar · 06/06/2020 14:30

Going back to the anecdotes about people seeing black friends being stopped by the police... My DH was frequently pulled over by the police as a teenager in London. We got stopped and the car searched when driving to France. He was a professional in his late 20s. He's white. I'm not saying there aren't, sadly, racist attitudes in this country but some of the experiences on this thread (no role models in text books etc) are seriously out of date. And making things up/exaggerating (like the "all doctors are white" assertion upthread) makes it less likely for actual problems to be addressed.

BabyBrainJane · 06/06/2020 14:54

The point about white privilege is that you are generally oblivious to it and it’s benefits.

I’ve only been aware of my race a handful of times in my life;

When I was moving into my uni flat, I was in the car on the way home with my mum, dad and brother. As we passed through Chorlton we stopped at some lights and three Asian lads started shouting abuse at us from the side of the road, “white pigs”, “white whore” etc they came into the road shouting “get out of our area”. We wound our windows up and looked at each other bemused and then just all laughed at the ridiculous weirdness of it. The lights changed and off we went.

We weren’t scared. We didn’t fear for our lives and the insults didn’t stick because we’d never heard them before. It seemed so unusual that it was funny rather than bad.
That’s white privilege.

BabyBrainJane · 06/06/2020 14:56

That I forgot to say I’m white explicitly at the start of my post...

atilathehut · 06/06/2020 15:09

I experience white privilege everyday. I also experience privilege because I am able bodied, because I am middle class, because I am slim, because I scrub up well. Race isn't the only privilege.

barbieandshelley · 06/06/2020 15:34

@atilathehut it's the only one you can't amend or 'improve' though and the only that you shouldn't have to feel you need to (disability excluding of course) but I don't think the disabled are persecuted on a daily basis to the extent people are describing on this thread just for their existence Which is why the black lives matter and more recent discussion about race has come about.

atilathehut · 06/06/2020 15:58

I don't think that's true. As you say disability, also sex, also age, also accent (although that can be changed to some extent). There are plenty of things out of our control that either give us privilege or make us less priveledged than someone else. It's not just the colour of your skin. We need to be better at inclusivity across all these things

AmazingAardvark · 06/06/2020 16:11

Every day - but because it’s normal to me I don’t notice it. That’s the ultimate privilege of being white - never having to think about your skin colour or feel aware of it.
No one is saying white people can’t suffer or have tough lives. Or that white people aren’t subject to other types of discrimination, like class. But white people living in predominantly white societies virtually never have to think about the colour of their skin, let alone face prejudice because of it.
White privilege isn’t saying a homeless white person is “better off” overall than a middle class black lawyer. But a white person will have to overcome fewer barriers and face less prejudice in their lifetime than an otherwise identical BAME person.

atilathehut · 06/06/2020 16:32

I don't think anyone can argue with that Amazing.

Mittens030869 · 06/06/2020 16:43

I think the fact that I'm not aware of having white privilege proves the point that I do have it. I've never been stopped and searched when out and about in a city centre, and I'm now 50 years old.

I was stopped and searched by airport security several times on one holiday whereas my DH wasn't at all. They were probably looking for someone looking like me, I guess.

It was a very unpleasant experience. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be regularly picked on by the police.

The fact that it doesn't happen to us means that we have white privilege.

daisydukes7576 · 06/06/2020 16:51

Every day - but because it’s normal to me I don’t notice it. That’s the ultimate privilege of being white - never having to think about your skin colour or feel aware of it.

That's right. Most black people have to think about their skin colour every day. I know I do - for example even at a wedding of a friend that's white I consciously think before attending about how I need to navigate through the situation of being the only person of colour in the room.

I have to think - 'I wonder what borderline racist comment I might have to stay silent about today'.

Simple things like this, might sound strange or trivial to a white person, but it's our life.

Boot on the other foot, Whenever I've had a white friend and I've taken them to a place where they're the only white person they always mention it within a split second and continue to repeat it years after in some cases as though it was some kind of traumatic experience!!

Liketoshop · 06/06/2020 17:27

Job application in our Trust last year stated it was only open to BAME ie non white people...equality applies to all human beings. No exception.

biglittlemedium · 06/06/2020 17:28

@Liketoshop

Job application in our Trust last year stated it was only open to BAME ie non white people...equality applies to all human beings. No exception.
Interesting, is that legal?

I wonder if in other countries around the world there are jobs open to white people only?

NWojtanowski · 06/06/2020 17:35

“White Privilege” is a bs Leftist agenda. It does not exist in sane conversation.

Ethelfleda · 06/06/2020 17:47

I’ve never noticed it.

And that I guess, is exactly what it is.
The world is set up by people who look like me, for people who look like me.

I’ve literally never worried about, or even thought about my skin colour. Ever.

Pat123dev · 06/06/2020 17:48

It's interesting and I find it so heartbreaking. I definitely don't consider it a privilege, I find it embarrassing and offensive when something like any of the examples happen. I always try to call them out on it.

ConkerGame · 06/06/2020 17:53

I have never been stopped by the police or not been allowed into a bar/pub/club. I assume that is white privilege as I imagine many black people have had that happen to them for no reason

FelicisNox · 06/06/2020 17:56

Not sure if it's the same thing but I often use my posh surname to get around people and often, it works.

My husband is black and has been asked for ID as they often don't believe the surname matches the person standing in front of them.

2 sides, same coin.

DanceItOut · 06/06/2020 18:02

We had an electrical fault in our block of flats and the electrician was a youngish black man. I said hello on my way past and he said hello back and asked a few questions about the fault and if it was affecting my flat in particular. Anyway he spoke to my son and my son didn’t say anything back (he was about two) and I told him that he didn’t need to be shy. The man said “it’s ok I’m sure he probably hasn’t really seen a black guy before, let alone right near his own front door”. I laughed and told the man that actually we have a black family in the house next door (still do they are lovely neighbours) and that it was just because stranger danger is a big thing at nursery. But once I was inside and sitting down to relax I realised that for many black people and probably other ethnicities as well it is always something they consider. That they are viewed differently because of their skin. So I guess I do have white privilege not to have to think that way.