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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report neighbour for constantly screaming at kids?

65 replies

heartyhope · 04/06/2020 15:43

A girl (early 20’s) moved in with a neighbour with her 3 kids who aren’t his. They now have their own baby together but everyday I hear him screaming military style at her kids. Never her always him.

I can understand that it must be hard having that many young children under one roof but I would never allow my DP to scream at our children in this way let alone a step parent.
He’s a vile man as I’ve had altercations with him myself.

Should I be reporting it?

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 04/06/2020 15:44

Having a shouty parent isn't good. Having a non parent doing it must be awful.
No harm asking ss to check things out.

raspberryk · 04/06/2020 15:50

Woman not girl.

DrManhattan · 04/06/2020 15:51

Yes i.would
They probably need some support

Original poster
heartyhope · 04/06/2020 15:54

I only said girl as she is very young compared to him.

I don’t even live directly next door and I can still hear him daily.

I just don’t want to report an issue without there being one.

OP posts:
Medievalist · 04/06/2020 15:55

I just don’t want to report an issue without there being one.

But there is one. You just said. He screams at children. How is there not an issue?

SarahTancredi · 04/06/2020 15:55

It's a tricky one really. He sounds an arsehole.

But it is also possible the kids have basically lost of after weeks of being on lock down and not seeing their friends and are becoming a danger to themselves and eachother.

Does she discipline the kids at all?
What's she like?

Could it be a case of she let's them run riot trashing the house and then he has to he the one to try and sort it out.

" wait til your dad gets home" was a common saying in ny house growing up. My brother would basically get away with attacking me half the day and then my dad would have to read the riot act when he got home.

How is she with the kids?

Windyatthebeach · 04/06/2020 16:04

The current nspcc TV ad depicts a story of a dc being verbally abused. It is still abuse..

PurpleMonkeyDishwasher86 · 04/06/2020 16:09

Call SS and report it. If they don't think it worth following up on then you've still done the right thing. They don't want to take children from their parents. They'll offer help and advice, and make sure the kids are safe. You've nothing to lose by calling them.

Original poster
heartyhope · 04/06/2020 16:10

I will call them.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/06/2020 16:13

Depends what he’s saying and how often.
Without having children at home yourself in lockdown I think people can’t understand how it is. My nephew is a nightmare 12year old and it’s near on impossible not to Raise your voice to him daily.
There’s no harm is calling ss? Really- actually there can be a lot of harm, a voice raised would not be enough for me.

Original poster
heartyhope · 04/06/2020 16:15

I don’t often see them but she seems like the type let someone control her and her children. He is a bully he tried to verbally abuse me only I’m able to defend myself and won’t tolerate it so I can’t imagine how those poor children must feel.

OP posts:
Sparklyring · 04/06/2020 16:17

Definitely report, just reading your post made me sad for them.

Orangeblossom78 · 04/06/2020 16:17

Thing is he might blame her for the call. I'm not sure but maybe have a chat with them about the possibility he might take it out on them as well and ask for advice

EmeraldShamrock · 04/06/2020 16:18

I think I'd report. Neighbour's on my DMs street are similar the DF and DM will shout as loud as humanly possible at the DC they're are lovely DC, they're put out in the morning and left out the house is spotless, he works in the bank, the DC well dressed and fed on the doorstep no joke incase they drop crumbs, it is emotional abuse the screaming is vile SS weren't interested. I believe they think their home is sound proof as they act so nice out on a family walk.

Lockeduporknockedup · 04/06/2020 16:19

Yes you should call the NSPCC.
However, you also need to address yourself here. She's an adult woman, you do not get to call her a "girl". It's incredibly disrespectful. You have no idea what "type" of people allow themselves to be controlled. Victims of control and abuse are all types of people, not just those who are quiet or shy or young or small or female. You need to readdress your prejudices here.

frasersmummy · 04/06/2020 16:25

What is he shouting and what age are the kids.

You said military style so is I it get your shoes on tidy up

Or abusive language

SarahTancredi · 04/06/2020 16:26

He is a bully he tried to verbally abuse me only I’m able to defend myself and won’t tolerate it so I can’t imagine how those poor children must feel

After years of working in retail verbal abuse is pretty standard and not necessarily indicative of much. Being an arsehole isnt exactly illegal unfortunately

You do seem to have a weird idea of what the set up actually is based on your own admission of not really having even seen her much.

By all means report but as a pp said you do need to re evaluate the stereotypes you are basing things on.

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 04/06/2020 16:30

Well done for reporting

Original poster
heartyhope · 04/06/2020 16:40

@Lockeduporknockedup She is still very young compared to him. And she is allowing him to scream and swear at her kids daily hence why I think she’s the type to be controlled. That’s hardly prejudice is it? I didn’t say she’s the type because she’s young. Yes I could have worded it better and used young women instead of girl but I didn’t.

The kids look between 3 and 6. They never smile at me even when I smile at them they just sort of glare. By military style it’s swearing and screaming only like I’ve seen in the army. Screaming ‘stay the f down’ I hear the f word a lot but as I don’t live next door I can’t make out most of it. It’s never done in the garden only in the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
heartyhope · 04/06/2020 16:48

@SarahTancredi Verbal abuse might be standard in your job but you’re not a child stuck at home unable to defend yourself though are you? An adult verbally abusing another adult is very different than doing so to a child.

I’m not stereotyping I’m making an observation about her age compared to his and the fact I’m hearing him screaming at her kids daily and she allows it. So clearly there is a power dynamic going on in that house so if that observation makes me ‘prejudice’ then so be it.

OP posts:
SarahTancredi · 04/06/2020 16:55

Having read your update about the swearing/language I was actually going to respond and say that it is beyond acceptable.

But up until that point you hadnt given that information and had indeed stereotyped what she is and were already working on the basis you didnt like him.

QualityFeet · 04/06/2020 16:58

There is no excuse for shouting and swearing like that and it’s important SS are called. Hope yours isn’t the only call.

Thinkingabout1t · 04/06/2020 17:02

Call SS and report it. If they don't think it worth following up on then you've still done the right thing.

I agree. I wouldn't give my address, though, as he sounds dangerous.

Blanca87 · 04/06/2020 17:11

"She seems the type to let someone control her."....

Blanca87 · 04/06/2020 17:12

Nice bit of victim blaming there.